


Our Missing Piece

by Hopelessoul



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Blood, Daggers, Grief/Mourning, Kidnapping, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mpreg, Murder, Patton and Logan are dating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reunion, Self-Harm, Suicide mention, Virgil is Patton and Logans son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-06-16 06:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 57
Words: 62,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15431523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopelessoul/pseuds/Hopelessoul
Summary: In the mindscape of Thomas Sanders some of his sides have a complex (as they call it). It is rare but some of the sides have the ability to get pregnant. Patton has this complex. He finds out after becoming pregnant with the other parent being Logan. However when the child is born they name him and don't know his role. The dark sides do. They take the baby and raise him their way. However years later the son comes back oblivious of who he is. He was just told to never tell them his name, only role. Anxiety





	1. The realisation

**Author's Note:**

> (Logan POV)-for now  
> This is how Patton found out about the pregnancy and Logan's reaction

It started as a normal day. Just like any other, however something was off. Where is Patton? That cute little goofball is usually running around and making lots of noise. However today I can't hear anything other then Roman singing Disney songs at the top of his lungs(currently it is reflection). I decide to go and check on my boyfriend to make sure he is ok. I briskly walk to the room of the moral side and I am shocked by what I hear. 

It sounds like someone vomiting violently. I barge into his room without knocking which is rare. To be greeted to the horrific site of the love of my life vomiting into a toilet, my heart shatters in two (he is the only one who gets me to think like this and feel this way ugh feelings). 

I run over to him and hold his hair back while he heaves more. He flinches at the sudden contact.

"Lo-Logan" Patton whimpers "I don't fe-feel good"

"I can tell, I think you have gotten sick. Please explain the symptoms to me so I can help treat you" I say mythodically, trying to hide the inner pain.

Patton explains shakily "I just feel re-really sick and I a-am puking a lot. I wanna cry and la-laugh all the ti-time and I am ga-gaining weight. What is wrong with me babe?"

I am in complete shock. These symptoms. They all lead to one conclusion and I have read about it but.....

"Patton, have you heard of the complex" I state shakily.

"Yes I heard you telling me about it. It is cool that some male sides can have cute adorable babi-" Patton is cut off with more vomit. He whimpers afterwards.

I continue "Yes, Patton all of these symptoms lead to one logical conclusion. That is that you have this complex because I am sure that you remember what happened last month. Patton I believe that you are pregnant."

Patton just begins staring at me and he looks completely in shock. Then he squeels and wraps his arms around me in the most energenic way he can in the state he is in and I can tell he is elated.

"We should go to the doctors right away to get a test to be certain." I say not even trying to hide my smile.


	2. Confermations and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Patton go to the mindscapes doctor to get a pregnancy test and they find the result positive and they tell Roman and Thomas.
> 
> FYI-Thomas is a teenager at the time these events are happening however the sides are adults because they age to adults at age 10 to help him better so technically not underage. Virgil will age fast but it won't be like the others.

Me and Patton immediately travel to the mindscapes hospital (which can come in handy with Roman going on his illogical quests in the imagination). I am practically carrying Patton because he is weak and shaky because he was just vomiting the past weeks food in about 10 minutes. 

We arrive at the hospital and try to find the doctor to ask for a pregnancy test however we are having trouble locating him, however we eventually find him after half an hour of searching.

"Hello Logic and Morallity, how may I help you today" The doctor states. 

"Hi doc please may we have a pregnany test Lo says I may have the complex and might be pregnant" Patton practically squeals. 

The doctor looks me in my face and scans it over to make sure I am not kidding, and then he walks away presumably to go and get the test. I wrap my arms around Pattons waist and I sware I hear him whisper. "So this is where babies come from".

The doctor returns with the test and hands it to Patton who immediatly takes it to the bathroom. He appears a couple minutes later and hands the doctor the test for the results.

The next hours are agonising. After what feels like a life time the doctor reappears and says the words that I am sure will change my life.

"Logic and Morality congratulations you are expecting a baby, I will leave you to process the news"

Me and Patton share looks and I can tell his eyes are watering, and something inside my chest feels different. My heart feels squeesed and I wanna smile and cry. I recognise this as elation. Patton wraps his arms around me and jumps up and down like a child before he reaches for the bin to be sick again.

_//THE NEXT DAY//_

Patton convinces Thomas summon me and Roman to the real world. He looks like he is going to expload from the excitement from the situation because we agreed to tell the others.

"Ok Tommy why did you summon us, what ever is wrong now" Roman says theatrically.

"I don't know Princey, Morality said it was important so Ill just leave it to him" Thomas claims unsurely.

Patton gives me the look of silently asking permission and I nod my head. Roman and Thomas look between us confused.

"Logic would you mind please you can explain this better then I can BABY" Pattons pun is missed by them but I get what he is insinuating. However I cannot contain the groan.

"Creativity, Thomas there is something that exists in the mindscape that is called the complex and it is a rare phemomena that means that that side can get pregnant" I draw a breath and continue. "Morality has this complex and yesterday we discovered that he is pregnant. I am the father"

Roman and Thomas look shocked then a giant grin appears on both of their faces and they ask a million questions a second and I am not sure when they are breathing. The pure joy on Pattons face means more to me then a thousand words. In the mix of congratulations from the other two the only thought going through my mind is. My life is about to change for the better, with my amazing boyfriend and my baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am planning the next chapter soon and I don't know when and I am just updating when I have time. I am on holidays right now so I have plenty of time on my hands right now
> 
> Feel free to tell me any spelling mistakes because I can't spell to save myself


	3. The Baby Has Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a show of the pregnancy and the birth of baby Sanders

The next few months pass by faster then normal. I read that in moments of excitement and apprehension, a persons perception can change due to cognitive distortions and it can make time feel like it is going by faster then it actually is, which is fascinating in my opinion. 

Many moments over the nine months of Patton's pregnancy stick out in my mind and I know for a fact that I will remember them forever.

Every doctors visit when we get to see the ultrasounds of our child,

Patton's endless baby puns that I can't help but find it endearing,

Feeling the baby kick for the very first time,

Roman talking to the bump about all the adventures in the imagination they will have when he is old enough,

Thomas' endless support over the whole process and understanding about the emotions he is now dealing with,

Getting a nursery constructed for the new addition to the family,

Picking a name (which we discovered based on a Roman poet whose work I have grown fond of),

And what is about to happen.

Patton practically waddles into the mindscapes common room. His enlarged stomach is acting as a constant physical reminder of the fact that my boyfriend is nine months pregnant. I don't mind it too much.

"You know Lo this baby is really CRIBbiling me right now. I have been getting strange and shooting pains all day and it isn't fun". Patton says out of breath and clearly in a lot of pain.

I begin hypothesising (hoping) that it is contractions and Patton is going into labour. That I will be able to hold my baby soon. However I don't act on my suspicions-yet.

"My apologies Patton that must not be pleasant, come and join me on the couch, I'm watching Big Hero VI however we can change the movie if you want to" I state hopefully that he will join me.

Patton slowly lowers himself on the couch manoeuvring around his overlarge stomach and sits himself next to me, then he rests his head on my shoulder and cuddles into me and is practically sitting on my knee. I rub my hand over my boyfriends stomach in an attempt to relieve him of some of the pain he is feeling.

Then I feel something strangely warm and wet?

"Lo" Patton says apprehensively "I think my water just broke, it's time"

The next two hours pass in a blur. We immediately rush to the mindscape's doctor to deliver our baby and he see's us and Patton's state and is instantly in go mode (as they say).

The next two hours are filled with the deafening sound of my amazing boyfriend Patton's agonised screams from the contractions and it breaks my heart into two pieces.

Then after what feels like an eternity, another sound reaches my ears. The cries of an infant.

Patton looks visibly exhausted and he looked immensely relieved and he has tears in his eyes and a few escape and give his cheeks a glowing sheen. I am extremely elated and I want to burst into tear (which is a rare occurrence).

The doctor allows me to cut the umbilical cord and I am standing holding my new born son while Patton finishes the birth and pushes out the placenta. I can't help the tears that escape my eyes because of how perfect my son is. I will hand our son over to Patton when he has recovered enough and regained enough strength. Our son has calmed down and I wiggle my finger in front of his face and he immediately latches on to my finger and puts it in his mouth but I don't mind. I have only one thought in my mind in this moment.

"Welcome to the mindscape, Virgil Sanders"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter and feel free to roast me for spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes. I just want to mention that I am British and the work will be missing Americanisms because I just don't know them so please bare with me.


	4. Meetings and Disappearences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Thomas meet baby Virgil and the kidnapping of Virgil goes down this chapter

The mindscape's doctor gave Patton the permission to leave the hospital and go back to his room with Virgil the next day at one pm, I stayed with them overnight in the hospital too because I could not find a single cell within me that told me to leave them alone. Patton has the biggest grin on his face and I am wondering if it is beginning to hurt. The only example of the time I can remember him smiling this much is when I told him I loved him and we started dating.

My son, Virgil has dark brown hair (it is darker than both mine and Patton's for some bizarre reason) and he has an abundance of hair for his young age. He has chubby cheeks, chubby arms, chubby legs-wait how many times did I use the word chubby in that thought, an infinitesimal amount. I bring my eyes back to my son and something crosses my mind. What is his trait? We don't know? This didn't happen for us, our rooms just appeared is it different because he was born not just created. I guess we'll find out soon. Virgil pulls me from my thoughts when he pulls his arm out of the blanket he is swaddled in and begins to clench and unclench his hand.

"Lo look," Patton squeals "he's waving"

A giant grin finds it's way onto my face because of the adorable actions of my perfect son. We are walking back to the common room trying to find Roman, when we enter the common room we find the man in question on the couch, scrolling through Instagram. 

"Hey kiddo" Patton says trying to gain Roman's attention.

He looks up and spots us in the doorway and then his eyes fall onto the baby in Patton's arms cooing happily and playing with the sleeves on Patton's cardigan.

"Great odin's eyepatch, Patt, Lo your back" Roman says with prominant tears in his eyes, "guys he's so cute, can I hold him"

"Of course Ro" Patton confirms

After I instruct Roman how to hold Virgil with supporting the head.

"Hey little prince, me and you will go on many amazing advenures when you grow old enough to" Roman says chocked up.

"Hey Princey when will Morality and Logic be-"

Thomas appears into the common room and freezes in place after he see's us.

"You guys are back, can I?"

"Yes" I say

Thomas takes Virgil into his arms and constantly states how much he loves him already and starts cooing at him.

Me and Patton take Virgil back after a couple minutes and Roman takes a photo of all three of us on a camera as a keepsake that Patton deeply loves to have, I have no objections to it. He says he will print it off later to give to the both of us.

I cannot be happier then I am right now.

_//ONE WEEK LATER//_

Me and my boyfriend are in my room and Virgil is having his afternoon nap just next door in the nursery and my door is open so I can hear him for when he wakes up.

"Virge has been sleeping for a while, like a lot longer then normal and I am getting worried, what if something happens" Patton says concerned.

"I'm sure he's fine Patton just tired, you know he got very little sleep last night"

"It's been to long for comfort, I'm gonna go and check on him just to be sure"

"Ok"

Patton exits the room to go to the nursery and I am worried because this is unusual for Virgil but I'm sure there is nothing wrong. There has to be.

Patton's horrified screams fill my ears a couple moments later and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. I sprint to the nursery with Roman close behind me. The nursery door was wide open, and I see Patton kneeling on the floor openly sobbing and hesitantly I look at my sons crib and I see it is empty, except for a pitch black bowler hat in the middle. I join Patton on the floor and I wrap my arms around him and start sobbing too. Roman is standing in the doorway in shock. This is impossibe. This can't be happening.

The dark sides have taken my son,

The dark sides have kidnapped Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to roast me in the comments


	5. The Change In Scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil wakes up in a different place and there is one thing he knows. He is no longer with the dark sides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on the story is from Virgil's POV because in my opinion it makes more sense then Logan. Sorry if this gets confusing

I wake up in nine in the morning with a start. I really hate nightmares, however the torment continues every night. And Mal wonders why I have insomnia. Only then I realise the growling in my stomach from hunger and I immediately know that I will have to do some grovelling at the other dark sides feet for foo. I haven't eaten in two days because I wasn't given permission and if I take some without permission well lets just say I didn't know that a person could have that many bruises on them at once. I don't want to leave my room because I don't want to deal with the sadistic plans the dark sides (mainly Deceit) have planned for me today because it is not very fun. There is no such thing as a good day.

I decide that starting this day can't be avoided because Deceit will come to check on me sooner or later. So I force myself out of bed and get dressed and apply my eyeshadow and leave my room. Not expecting what I find.

Three doors. Not the three doors I am used to. A crimson door with a gold handle, a dark blue door with a black handle and a light blue door with a silver door. Where the fuck am I? I hear noises and anxiously walk towards them.

I find a strange looking common room and look inside and I see three men. It's them. The light sides. The ones Deceit told me to stay away from at all costs.

Morality notices me standing in the doorway and begins to make his way towards me drawing the attention of the other two to me. Logic looks sceptical and Creativity has one hand on his sword. Ready to draw.

"Hey kiddo I'm morality but call me Patton, this is logic or Logan and this is Creativity or Roman. What's your name" Patton says apprehensively.

"I'm anxiety"

Roman noticeably tenses up after finding out what I am well I am his opposite and wow if looks could fucking kill...

"What's your name though kiddo"

"I don't wanna say"

Not only is my name stupid and nerdy but Deceit has told me to never tell these sides my name because giving them that level of trust will give them more ammunition to tear me down bit by bit.

"Why are you even asking for Charlie Frowns name, he is anxiety, he is a dark side. _MAKE HIM LEAVE!_ " Roman screams clearly angry and I flinch at the tone and begin to expect a blow.

"Roman leave him alone, but question why and how are you here anxiety" Logan asks.

"I honestly don't know I went to sleep last night in the part of the mindscape belonging to the dark sides and woke up here" I say honestly.

"LIES, it has to be a fable, tell the truth villain" Roman shouts.

"I am Disney prince wannabe"

"Let's stop being mean and lets talk this out Anx" Patton looks at me. "Do you want to go back to the dark sides or stay here with us"

I look to the floor, I don't want to go back to the torture of that day to day life but I don't know if I have the strength to admit that to the others.

"I think that it is him wanting to stay" Logan deduces.

"Please" I say

Patton looks estatic with the turn of events, Logan looks undecided and Roman looks furious.


	6. Inkling of a Clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil decides to have a walk around the light sides part of the mindscape and finds something that causes many questions to pop up in his mind.

It has been a couple months since I woke up in up in the area of the mindscape that belonged to the light sides. I still have no idea why I woke up here and why I am here and not going back to the dark portion in my sleep one night. Things are so different in my life now. I can eat whenever I want and I don't have to ask permission just say what I ate, I can finally let my bruises and cuts heal and scars fade without worry of new ones being created soo after, I can drink whenever I want and I can do and go wherever and whatever I want. It is a change in pace but not unwelcome. To be fair Roman constantly watching me and making snide remarks and threats doesn't help my anxiety.

I begin to walk around the new area of the mindscape that I reside in because the new found freedom has finally begun to sink in and I have gained enough confidence to wander around with less paranoia of a punishment. The many photo's on the walls and tables catch my attention. Some are all three of them, some are just two of them and some are just one of them alone. One photo catches my attention but for a different reason.

A photo of Logan, Patton and a ... baby?

That doesn't make any sense.

Is that baby Roman?

"Whatcha looking at kiddo" Patton's voice interupts me in the middle of my thoughts. Clearly pleased that I am up and about and not hiding in my room listening to music like I normally do.

"This photo, what's going on? Who is that with you and Logan?" I ask.

Patton freezes in place like a statue. He is staring at the photograph that easily caught my attention.

"Why is this here" Patton says in an unusually serious tone and it concernes me. 

"Dunno just saw it here, was it not always here I have not looked at the photos yet. Who is the baby?"

"Doesn't matter Anx, you don't need to know that"

"But you are clearly upset about it"

"Anx stop"

"But I'm the embodiment of Anxety, I can help you w-"

"NO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW! STOP ASKING! SHUT IT!" Patton screams.

I am in shock. I have never herd Patton shout before, Roman a bunch (at me exclusively) and Logan once. But not Patton especially at someone.

I muster up the courage to look up at Patton-huh when did I look down. He looks mortified and he seems to look like he was about to burst into tears. He swiftly grabs the photo in question and sprints away. A couple moments later I hear a a door slam and I can tell that it was probably Pattons bedroom door.

What the fuck are they hiding from me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to call me out on grammar and spelling mistakes. Also I am open to people leaving suggestions for what I can put in this story. I have a plan of big events that need to take place but I am open to other ideas too add.


	7. The Beginning of an explaination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is dealing with the aftermath of seeing the photo and Roman and Patton are treating him different but Logan isn't and he is beginning to wonder why. Then he hears a knock on his door.

After that interesting encounter with Patton the other day, I haven’t been able to look the moral side in the eye. Roman heard the argument or at last heard about it from Patton because he has grown colder towards me (which I didn’t think was possible) and more damaging insults have been thrown my way especially calling me a bully for “picking on Patton” even though I don’t know how me offering help was considered picking on him or in fact why it gained that response from Patton. I am not sure if Logan knows about the argument because he hasn’t acted any different towards me, which makes me think he doesn’t know yet and in a way I want to know because he was the other one in that photograph other than Patton and that mystery baby.

I am pulled from my thoughts by a quiet knock on my bedroom door that I nearly missed because of the headphones I am wearing playing my immortal. I take off the headphones, pause my music then look at the door and answer back “hello”.

"Hello Anxiety, can you please come and talk with me in the common room we have some things we need to discuss” says the knocker that I can now tell is Logan. 

My brain immediately goes into overdrive. What does Logan want to talk to me about? It is the argument isn’t it. Logan is going to yell at me. He is going to tell me to find a way back to the other dark sides. I will lose the freedom I have had since I got here and I will have to return to that prison. 

I slowly walk to the common room and see Logan sitting on the couch looking at the doorway waiting for me.

“Anxiety, sit” Logan says.

I sit opposite Logan on the table because sitting on objects that aren’t made to be sat on is strangely comforting and I just need that right now in my heightened state. I then give him my full and unwavering attention.

“Anxiety, Patton told me about the argument, don’t worry I’m not upset.” He adds after seeing the change in facial expression. Which I am sure showed the fear that I am currently feeling.

“I want to just say a few things on the subject, I am the other man in that photo that caused that confrontation. Patton feels really guilty about shouting at you and loosing his temper like that which I assure you is a very rare occasion because we have all noticed you avoiding his eyes. The photo holds many painful memories especially for me and Patton. Patton is the embodiment of human emotions and he lashes out about the incident and sometimes it doesn’t even need a trigger for him too get upset about it and it is one of the only things that can make me cry. I just wanted you to know that my boyfriend lashing out wasn’t your fault at all.” Logan says.  
That was unexpected and I never thought that Logan would comfort me on the matter, or in fact not blame me. But I have even more questions now than before.

“Thank you for saying that but if you don’t mind me asking, what was the incident you mentioned and who is that baby, you don’t have to answer though, I just want to help.” I say.

“I appreciate the offer Anxiety but I would rather not talk about it because I just don’t want to talk about it. Not yet. My apologies” Logan says clearly chocked up and with tears in his eyes.

It takes me by surprise then I remember him saying that it makes him cry to think about and he must be thinking about it because I asked about it. So I immediately drop the subject and open my arms and offer him a hug and to my surprise he leans in to my chest, so I wrap my arms around him and just hug him because I can tell he wants me to be quiet.

My curiosity has peaked but I don’t need answers yet.


	8. Romans fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After comforting Logan, Roman see's Logan crying and goes to confront the only person he saw to blame and that was Virgil much to his dismay.

After around twenty minutes Logan pulled out of my arms. The tears have stopped however the evidence is still there because his face is still red and his eyes are puffy. He doesn’t leave however and just sits with me.

“Thank you Anxiety I had no idea how much I needed a hug from someone other than Patton.” Logan says clearly still chocked up.

“No problem, I am not going to ask any more questions don’t worry but just know that if you ever want to talk about it. I’m here” I say in an attempt to comfort him.

“Thank you that means a lot, I am just going to go to my room for a nap, that took a lot out of me.” Logan says then he stifles a yawn.

“Ok I’ll see you later then Logan” 

“Bye”

Logan then leaves the room and walks towards the corridor with the bedrooms clearly going to his room. I then pull my phone out and start scrolling through tumblr. I begin to hear more footsteps except they sound a bit more … angry.

Roman bursts into the room and his face is red but not with tears, but with fury.

“What the hell do you think you are up to” Roman says quiet but the tone makes my blood turn cold.

“What are you talking about Princey” I say trying to stop the fear I am feeling from leaking into my voice.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t know what I am talking about. You are tormenting Logan and Patton. Both of them have ended up crying after talking to you and you are bringing up the most painful part of there past you bully” Roman says slightly raising the volume of his voice.

“I was offering to help Roman. I saw the picture and just asked and Patton got upset when I started to offer support when he clearly wasn’t ready to talk about it. Logan came to reassure me that it wasn’t my fault. I asked again to Logan and he asked me to not bring it up and he started to cry so I gave him a hug and offered to let him come to me when he was ready. I dunno why the subject is so sore but I won’t bring it up to them again I will let them come to me. Just please leave me for a bit and calm do-“

Roman doesn’t even let me finish my sentence. “ NO!” he shouts “ _I will not go and calm down you vile toxic man. You are picking on Logan and Patton and this will not stand. I will make it my mission to send you back where you belong and believe me that is not here_ ” 

That opens the flood gates. I begin to cry because I just can’t handle what he said. I can’t go back. I can’t go back I can’t go

" _ROMAN SANDERS_ ” I see Patton and Logan were standing in the doorway and they both look furious. Patton immediately walks over to me and wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug as more tears fall. Logan begins to talk to Roman in that quiet but furious tone.

“Roman, Anxiety was just curious and when he saw it was a sore spot he offered support and then dropped the subject when asked. He is not at fault in a way you are for villainising him so please leave and never say threaten him like that again. He is staying whether you like it or not”

Roman stutters for a few seconds clearly not used to being held accountable for his actions. Then he walks away giving me the dirtiest look he has given me so far.

“Thanks guys” I say in-between tears even though they have calmed down a bit.

"No need to thank us kiddo but me and Logan have been talking and we think that we owe you an explaination"


	9. The truth is revealed to Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Logan tell Anxiety the truth about the baby in the photo.

I am now listening however when did Logan and Patton have that conversation to give me an explanation.

“One question guys, when did you guys have the talk to give me an explanation. Sorry if I am asking too many questions”

Logan is the one who answers me “Well we have been talking about telling you ever since you saw that photo, but when I went into my room and Patton came in and saw me crying and I explained what happened, and that was when we said it was time. Then we heard Roman shouting at you and came through here.”

“Ok thank you. Now please explain to me whatever you want to”

“Ok kiddo, here we go” Patton begins to explain. “So about 10 years ago I got a strange wave of nausea and started vomiting everywhere. Logan came in and found me being sick into the toilet and then I told him what I was feeling and then Lo told me I was most likely pregnant.”

He looks up to see my reaction. I am shocked. I knew about the complex, but I didn’t know it was real. I thought it was a theory.

Patton continued explaining “We went to the mindscapes doctor and got a pregnancy test. It was positive. 9 months later I gave birth to mine and Logan’s son. Who is the baby in the photograph.”

Patton has tears in his eyes and Logan wraps his arms around him and Patton keeps explaining what happened.

“We raised that baby for one week before everything changed. We were in Lo’s room and the nursery was next door and the baby was having a nap in the nursery for an unusually long time, so I went to check on him and I saw… I saw” Patton is sobbing now. I put my hand on Patton’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him too.

“I’ll finish” Logan says with tears in his eyes, “I ran in and saw the crib where the baby was sleeping was empty except- except for a black bowler hat.”

“Deceit” I say.

“And the other dark sides I am sure. I am not blaming you because of the look on your face so you clearly don’t know about this before hand but Roman has a feeling that you were involved but I don’t believe that” Patton says in-between sobs.

I am in shock, that was not was what I was expecting.

“I’m so sorry. I am quite new comparing to the other dark sides and I have never seen a baby, so I am not of use sorry. Maybe you can tell me the name of your son and I may recognise it.”

“Anxiety that is so nice of you. We didn’t expect you to know where he is, and we don’t blame you for what happened don’t worry.” Logan said. Patton then opens his mouth to speak.

“Anx to answer your other question on his name. It is Virgil. Does that ring any bells”?

Holy shit. Is Patton lying. That is impossible. That is why I was so much younger than the other dark sides. But this can’t be happening. This must be a lie.

I’m Patton and Logan’s missing son.


	10. When a coversation turns sour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Virgil's startling revelation he is at a loss of what to do. He gets summoned by Thomas for a video idea when things grow hurtful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW-Self Harm)

I lie to Patton and Logan and say I have no recollection of a dark side called Virgil even though that is my name and I am who they have been looking for, for the last 10 years. I went to my room to process this news.

It all makes sense now. Why I was so much younger than the other dark sides. There insecurities about that photograph. Even why the others (mainly Deceit) told me to never tell them my name, they would have figured out the truth about me in an instant. Why am I a dark side because I am the child of two light sides, but my room was always in the area belonging to the dark sides. None of this makes any sense. Then I feel a familiar tug in the pit of my stomach which means that Thomas is summoning me. The day after my arrival here was when this first happened and let’s just say it was scary. The day after that was my first appearance in a Sanders Sides video.

I am suddenly on the staircase that for some reason was classed as my domain for the videos. However, there is no camera. Must be just going over the script and making sure everything was ok.

“Hey guys we need a new video idea and I have nothing” Thomas says with a pointed look at Roman.

“Hey, don’t blame me when surly temple keeps distracting me by picking on Logan and Patton” Roman says with a glare at me. 

“Anxiety is that true” Thomas says with a lecture on his tongue.

“Now Roman what have we talked about. Thomas here is the real story. Anxiety saw the photograph of me, Patton and Virgil” Logan explains, and Thomas looks concerned. “He saw it was a sore spot after he asked us who the baby was and when he noticed it was a sore spot he offered support and dropped the subject and then Roman started villainising him and calling him a bully because he saw us crying after it was brought up. So Roman went off on him and after Roman left we explained the situation he gave us what he knew which was, he knew nobody called Virgil and never saw a baby. He did nothing wrong.” 

Thomas looks annoyed because of the truth but I can’t tell why. Roman looks furious.

“WHY DID YOU TELL HIM” Roman screams and I flinch. Nobody notices. “ _What if he lied and actually does know where Virgil is and is letting the dark sides do whatever they want to your son_ ”

“Ro stop” Patton says with a dad voice on the horizon.

“No, I can’t let this evil man destroy you even further. There is no way he wouldn’t have seen or heard of Virgil, so it has to be that he is aiding the other dark sides to keep your child away from you” Roman continues on this tirade.

“Roman you have no idea how good the others are at keeping secrets. I saw it all first hand, they do it as a sort of second nature. You have less of an idea of how much they have kept from me then I do I can just tell it is a lot” Oh you have no idea.

“Impossible how can you know they are keeping something from you if you don’t know what it is. I make it my vow to make sure I keep that promise from earlier now more than ever you good for nothing, dark side” Roman says.

Nobody stands up for me or says anything in my defence. They agree with Roman. I sink out to my room and begin sobbing.

I can’t do it anymore. I look around in my bedside table and find the cold, thin piece of metal that I have become so familiar with. I pull my hoodie off and look at the white lines on my arms which are permanent physical reminders of my pain and suffering. I drag the object across my flesh and feel comfort in the red beads of liquid that appear on my skin. Not enough. I begin to clean and bandage my arm. I just can’t stop thinking about what happened. What Roman said, the silence from everyone, the truth about my existence and the fact that Patton and Logan will never be happy with me being their son.

I make a decision and do the one thing that I have been considering for about 5 years.

I duck out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the patch of grimness that appeared in this chapter. Based on the end of it I am pretty sure you can tell where this is going


	11. Name reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil feeling a sting of betrayal ducks out and the events in accepting anxiety happens and Virgil reveals his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have left parts of the video out if I felt that it wasn't important because it would have made the chapter a lot longer then necessary. Just letting you know

Things change soon after I duck out. Camera’s appear, and I immediately figure out what is going on. They’re coming to get me. What the fuck are they thinking, do they know what can happen? They are going to get corrupted. I am upstairs in my bed and I hear them downstairs talking so I pop up on the stairs. Most of what happens is not important however what they say really gets to me.

Logan, Patton, Thomas and especially Roman’s words hit me hard. Why did they not stand up for me earlier and what made Princey have a sudden change of heart about me. It is making me consider telling them the truth and giving them that level of trust. Telling them my name. 

I begin to notice them getting corrupted by my room which I have discovered can only happen when Tomas is around as he is our host. I go through breathing exercises that I learned from Talyn which helps more than what I have tried in the past. That gets them all out of my room and safe. Now I can breathe again. They begin to talk but my thoughts tune out what they are saying, lost in my thoughts. My mind is made up and I want to tell them my name, but I am too anxious because Patton and Logan will be furious to find out who I am and to see the monster I have become. Then when I am able to hear him again I see he is doing the outro for his video. Fuck it now or never.

“Wait, oh god I am actually considering this”

“What”

“You kinda made me want to open up to you but big surprise I am really anxious about it”

“Anxious like your name”

“Yes, that was, your great Patton actually on the subject of my name”

“Shut up”

“Don’t worry no pressure if you don’t want to”

“Logan, shut your ever-flapping gob talker ok”

“My name-“

My mind is racing. They are going to hate me when I say who I am because I will be crushing their expectations and ruining any hope they have of seeing that child again. Whole. But they are looking at me with hope and curiosity on their faces.

**"MY NAME IS VIRGIL"**

They all look stunned. They sink out one by one and the gravity of the situation hits. They know. I can’t hide from this forever and I should do it sooner rather than later, so I sink out the first chance I get. Well too late to turn back now.

I walk back to the common room and see Patton, Logan and Roman standing in the room and seem to be in a stunned silence. That was probably the last thing they were expecting, and they probably haven’t even noticed I’m here. 

“I-I can explain” I begin not only alerting them of my presence but trying not to get them to hate me too much. What happens next shocks me.

Patton sprints across the room, flings his arms around me and starts sobbing. I don’t like sudden touches, but I think I can make an exception this once. Logan runs over to me and wraps his arms around me too and he is crying. Patton pulls all three of us on the floor and we are kneeling on the floor while they are crying. Roman is standing where he was looking over at us with a guilt expression on his face.

“My beautiful baby boy” Patton says in between sobs and I am crying too now, and I am hugging them back. 

I know that they are going to want answers to why I lied and what happened when I was missing but that can wait just a bit. It will happen soon, and I won’t avoid it but for now I want to say in this moment. In the arms of my parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been thinking and I have decided I just can't keep up what I am doing or I will burn out quick. So I will try to update this every Saturday starting after this chapter and if I can't update on time I will update as soon as I can.


	12. The aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has finally told the others his name and the others are in shock but in a positive way. This is more of the aftermath of the name reveal.

We all stay like that for a while. It is amazing, I never realised how much I needed physical contact until I was getting it. Patton and Logan are hugging me still, but their sobs are dying down as the reality kicks in and they begin to calm down. They then let me go, stand up and all three of us walk to the couch and sit down. My parents sit either side of me and they begin to cuddle into me. Roman sits on the table in front of the couch and faces us.

“Anx-Virgil I believe that I owe you an apology for all the accusations I threw at you” Roman says looking awkward. That was not what I was expecting. “I said you were evil but to realise that you were actually a victim it is just eating at me because that is not what a prince should do.”

“Don’t sweat it Princey, you didn’t know” I say.

“It’s no excuse Virge” Roman says.

“Actually I have a question” Patton says looking up at me even though his head is still on my shoulder, “why did you lie, you have known for a couple days the truth and you didn’t come out your room for days and then when Roman started shouting at you, you didn’t say anything and you told us you didn’t know a Virgil”

“The truth is I was insecure and thought you wouldn’t want your son to be someone like me, so I lied to try and spare your feelings because I thought you hated me and only told me the truth, so Patton wouldn’t feel guilty. But then you came into my room I got another idea and then I felt like you liked me, and it gave me the idea that if I told you it wouldn’t be so bad, so I told you the truth. I honestly didn’t know it was days that I was in my room. I was lost in thought and trying to come to terms with the news and I was mulling over it. Sorry”

“Please Virgil don’t apologise that must have been hard to come to terms with, especially after Roman started accusing you of helping kidnap you.” Logan says and gives Roman a pointed look.

“Virge do you have any idea why they would do this to you or are you completely in the dark” Patton says in a chocked-up voice.

“I think I have an idea.” I say in thought “My room was always down there, and my role was on the door. So, they must have known that it was me because I was the only new side so they decided to take me down. How they knew about me I have no idea.” 

“Why was your room down in the area of the dark sides” Patton says.

“He must have originally been a dark side, but something must have changed, son do you know what changed” Logan says.

That catches me off guard. I know what last happened before I woke up here, but I really don’t want to talk about it. I know I told myself I wouldn’t avoid questions, but I really don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want them to see me as weak or give me looks of pity. They may after finding out about just some of what happened but after finding out what happened that night it would become unbearable. They seem to pick up on my silence.

“So, I am guessing that either you don’t know or you don’t want to talk about it” Logan says.

“I have an idea but I really don’t want to talk about it, not now sor-“ I begin.

“Don’t apologise kiddo you don’t have to explain anything at all, especially not now. Just whenever you are ready you can come to us.” Patton says.

“Thanks guys, it means a lot.” I say.

I am still very anxious and afraid that things won’t work out and I will be sent back to the dark sides. For now, however I can spend time with my parents and Roman and accept the love I have never had and have craved for my entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for putting up with the longer wait then I used to do. These will become the norm from now on. I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter.


	13. Opinions and Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others are still on the couch and letting the revelations and there is one person who hasn't said anything about this. Thomas. Another person also has some things that they need to get off their chests

All four of us are in the same places as we were. Until Patton reaches his hand out to Roman offering to let him join our cuddle pile. He looks unsure and I think it is because I’m here and he didn’t have the best start.

“Ro, if you are unsure because of me then don’t worry. I am not angry, and it’ll be nice if you join in. Please” I say trying to convince him.

Roman visibly lightens up at my words and takes Patton’s hand and he immediately gets pulled in with us and he begins to cuddle in too. We stay that way for a while until I feel the familiar tug in my stomach that means Thomas is summoning me, probably to talk about my name. All four of us sink out to go and see him.

“Salutations Thomas how are you” Logan says.

“I am good. Sorry I summoned you guys I know you want to be left alone but I need to talk to you guys about what just happened” Thomas says looking sympathetic.

“No problem kiddo we don’t mind.” Patton says.

“Virgil how long have you known who you are, do you know why others took you and why didn’t you say anything” Thomas asks as fast as lightning. I just explain to him what I explained to the other three earlier. Thomas still looks like his brain is reeling and I wonder if it is making Logan agitated. 

“I have one more question, why didn’t you say your name when Roman was accusing you because you knew then?” Thomas asks.

“Actually, I have been wondering about that too” Logan says looking at me.

“The reason was I thought you guys would have been better without knowing who I was, and I deserved it.” I say.

“Virgil look at me” Roman says, and I give him my full attention. “You don’t deserve that. The only reason I gave out to you was because I thought that you helped cause the years of suffering that Patton and Logan went through after losing you.” Roman has silent tears pouring down his face and I begin to feel extremely guilty and the others look shocked. “I know now that I was wrong, and I feel so guilty because my actions were less of a prince and more of a villain because now I know that you are a victim not a villain. I am so fucking sorry.”

Wow. I have never heard Roman curse before. He must really mean it. I immediately go and wrap my arms around him and start muttering reassuring him. I am not angry at him.

“Ro I am not angry in the slightest. I understand why you thought that because my bad mood didn’t help matters and you didn’t see the whole story and you just saw them crying after talking to me. What were you supposed to think? And I never hated you. I forgive you please calm down.” I mumble trying to reassure him with the truth.

Roman begins to hug me tighter.

“Virgil, I feel like we have to give you an explanation for something that was clearly on your mind” Thomas says. “The reason we didn’t stand up for you then is because we were in shock. As soon as you sank out and we saw your face we immediately started shouting at Roman and they sank out to go get you. Then you ducked out”

That makes sense. They didn’t hate me and agree with what Roman said. Roman doesn’t agree with what Roman said. That is such a relief.

However, something else is in my mind. Roman’s heartfelt apology. Him holding on to me like I mean the world. It is such a contrast to what he was like just yesterday, but it is so welcome. He seems like a completely different person and I am so happy with it. I feel strange now that I think about it. My heart feels warm and I have no idea why. Maybe it is the reassurance from the others. Why does it only happen now that I am thinking about Roman. Maybe it is just what he said to me. Yeah that must be it. It will pass when the shock of the situation subsides. It has to.


	14. Logicality Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil got hungry and got some lunch. He saw Roman and learned the backstory of how his parents got together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are CRAZY. Thank you for all the positive response to this fic and it is the first one I have ever written and I am glad that you all like it

It has been a couple days since that encounter with Thomas and the others and things are getting better. They are putting up with my weird quirks more. My sometimes not eating due to years of barely being permitted to eat enough to survive, they don’t touch me without warning because it freaks me out and they don’t wake me up in the morning because they are aware of my insomnia. These are only a couple of examples. Patton and Logan have taken to calling me son, Logan doesn’t do it on camera because the Fanders are not aware of the situation and they think that Patton is just being Patton by calling me that because he calls everyone son on camera. 

There is something that I can’t shake. The feeling in my chest that I felt after Roman’s apology to me. It hasn’t gone away. In fact, it has gotten more intense. I am growing nervous around him; my hands start sweating and I constantly worrying about what I say to him or what he thinks of me. I worry about the other’s opinions but not like I do around Roman. I have no idea what is happening to me, but I can ignore it by now. He has only just started to like me I don’t want to ruin that.

I go into the common room and see that nobody is there, and I check the microwave and see that it is midday and make myself a chicken and mushroom pot noodle because I am in the mood for food and hey its filling and I like them. Only me and Logan like Pot Noodle so it is not that bad. Only me and Logan actually like Pot Noodle so it is not that bad. I am beginning to wonder where the other three are, but I push it to the back of my mind as I begin to eat my lunch and watch YouTube on my phone. 

Just after I finish my Pot Noodle and put the container in the bin Roman comes into the common room and my heart does a backflip.

“Hey hot topic, how are you doing this fine day” Roman says enthusiastically.

“Aww you think I’m hot” I say teasingly.

“Just answer the question.” Roman says with his face the same colour as his sash. Why though I have given that response to the nickname before. Is it because we are now friends? Yeah that must be it.

“I’m good Princey” I am trying so hard to keep my cool. “Where are Patton and Logan? I haven’t seen them all day”

“They have gone on a date in the imagination for their 12-year anniversary of them dating. The anniversary is in two days they just want a date before the day.” Roman says clearly excited. I don’t know why they didn’t do it on the day though.” Roman says clearly excited.

“That is great. I had no idea they were together for 12-years because I knew they were together for at least 10 years, but nobody tells me these kinds of things.” I say listening intently. 

“Have you been told how your parents got together.” Roman says.

I shake my head and I can tell he is about to explain.

“It began about 3 years before they got together. I noticed them acting nervous around each other and they stutter around each other and as the romantic side I noticed that they had fallen in love. They both came to me for advice because they didn’t know how to handle the new feelings inside of them and for the next 3 years I tried to convince them to open up to each other about it and they were too scared to. But one day Logan decided to confess. They were watching TV in the common room and Logan told him he loved him and from what Logan told me Patton has never smiled so bright and that is impressive. There was one other time that pocket protector told me he smiled that bright and that was finding out he was pregnant just to put it in perspective for you.” Roman explains.

That was a really nice story and I never knew how much Ro helped Patton and Logan get together just because they asked. Uh oh that feeling in my chest is back at that thought. 

“T-That is a r-really good story R-Roman” I stutter I am such a fucking moron. 

“It is isn’t it Virge. Huh, speak of the devil and he shall appear”

Logan comes into the common room, so I can assume the date is over. I am beginning to wonder what is going on because if the date has just finished then where the hell is Patton? And what is the box in his hand?

“Salutations Roman, son I need to ask for some help if you don’t mind” Logan says nervously twisting the box in his hand.

“Yeah calculator watch what do you need” Roman says.

“What is the favour Logan I can help wherever I can.” I say.

Logan looks down at the box in his hand. He then takes a deep breath and looks towards the door and I am assuming to check that his boyfriend isn’t there. He opens the box in his hand and faces it towards us. And inside there is a diamond ring.

“I need your help to propose to Patton on the day of our anniversary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am aware that today is not a Saturday but tomorrow is GCSE exam result day and these exams are very important and am stressing like mad and I needed something to take my mind off things and have for days so I have written this chapter early and I can't wait to post it. Another chapter will be posted on the normal day.


	15. Logan's Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the day of Patton and Logan's anniversary and the day that Logan goes through with his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for putting up with my early chapter because I was stress typing and I had a writers block with the one shots. Sorry I broke the routine. I passed my exams by the way. Thank you for putting up with me.

It is the day of Patton and Logan’s 12-year anniversary, which is the day that Logan plans to propose to his long-time boyfriend. I am new to the mindscape and don’t know much but I know that there has never been a proposal in the mindscape before. This is so amazing. I am excited but nervous (because well, it’s me) and I can tell that Roman doesn’t have the nervousness I do. Me and Roman have been told the plan we are fully prepared to fulfil our part of it.

We are all watching movies on the couples’ request when Logan excuses himself and Patton and pulls him out the door while the moral side looks confused. They are in the corridor just outside Patton’s room which is near the door. The door to the common room is open just a crack and me and Roman are just behind the door and are listening.

“Patton I can tell you are confused about what I am doing but please let me do the talking for a moment,” Logan stammers.

“Ok babe” Patton says with his nervousness seeping into his voice.

“This is the exact spot that we confessed to each other exactly 12-years ago. We have been through hell and back together since then. Every time your emotions got too much for you to handle, or when mine got to me. Hell, we even have a son together and worked through his kidnapping and regaining him 10 years later”

Roman looks at me. Man, Lo. Way to make a man feel guilty.

“What I am trying to say is, you have seen me at my lowest and I have seen you at yours. We know each other better then anyone else. I love you with all of my heart and this is the real reason I didn’t want to do that picnic today.”

Me and Roman open the door further and begin to watch and see Patton’s eyes watering and we see Logan get down on one knee, Patton’s hand then goes over his mouth in shock and the tears he was holding in begin to freely fall.

“I am aware that this has never happened in the mindscape before but neither has child birth, so we are constantly breaking norms in our relationship.” Logan’s hand goes into his back pocket and he pulls out the box he showed us a couple days ago he then opens it and shows the ring to his boyfriend.  
“Patton Morality Sanders, will you make me the happiest man in this mindscape. Will you marry me?” Logan says and by his voice I can tell he is chocked up.

“YES! YES YES YES” Patton screams. He picks Logan up off the floor and launches himself into his arms, hysterically crying tears of joy. He then passionately kisses his boyf-fiancé. 

“Before this goes any further there is one more thing I would like to say.” Logan says after pulling away.

Patton looks him dead in the eyes and again looks nervous.

“I am aware what I did was very serious which is more my forte. To make it something to your forte too, I arranged for something a little SILLIER,” When he says that me and Roman know that is our cue.

We sprint out into the corridor and attack Patton and Logan with baby blue coloured silly string that Roman conjured earlier today. It is the most fun I have had for a while. Patton is laughing his head off and Logan seems slightly annoyed. 

“When will you two stop.” Logan says.

“When these cans run out,” I say not hiding me glee.

“I regret giving you two silly string now.” Now with a grin on his face.

I look at Patton’s face and even though he is being covered with silly string I can tell that he wouldn’t change this moment for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up again on schedule as usual. Thank you for all of the support on this work and thank you for reading


	16. Virgil's strange feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the proposal of his parents Virgil is left thinking about why he is the trait he is and those thoughts always lead back to thinking about that feeling in his chest because of Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW- Self Harm)

It has been a week since my parents got engaged and they haven’t spent much time apart. Whether they are just enjoying each other’s company or planning their wedding. Well Roman can summon whatever he wants and the rest of us can summon certain things, so this is one advantage to not being human. No need to work on a budget and then blow it like most people do for weddings. I am happy for them both. They have fallen so far in love that they are willing to and have broken the norms of the mindscape. So far, they are at two. A wedding proposals and childbirth. Soon it will be three and that is a wedding. 

I wonder how they will be able to find a balance for the wedding because both of their personalities are so different. However, they complement each other Logan grounds Patton and stops him getting lost in nostalgia and loosing control of his emotions, and Patton helps Logan let go a little bit and embrace the emotions he has. I can tell (even in the small time I have known them). I can see that much. I wonder how those two sides who work so well together made a mess like me.

I have been wondering about that a lot since I found out who I really was. How can I be the way I am? How can two light sides, conceive a dark side? It makes no logical sense. To be fair technically anxiety is the mix of logic and emotions. If you think about it a certain way. But I am a mess. None of the other three sides will understand my pain, they don’t understand the side effects my upbringing and my role have. I hope they never understand. I care about all three of them. Patton, Logan and Roman. Uh oh. That feeling in my chest is back again.

What the fuck is happening to me. Why when I think about Roman does my body react this way? What is happening to me? Am I dying? Wait sides can’t die even though sometimes I wish I can. I don’t understand. I wish I did. Can I get some advice on what is happening? I don’t think that Logan will know anything about this and if anyone think I am going to Roman then they are sorely wrong. So, the only option left is Patton that is good though. We will do hid best to advise me and won’t make fun of me. I just hope Logan isn’t there. 

I slowly walk to Patton’s room and pull the hood of my new hoodie over my head. I am playing with the cuffs because my nerves are getting to me because what if something is wrong with me? I reach the baby blue door in the corridor and put my ear to the door to see if Logan is in there with him. I can hear Patton is laughing his head off, but I can’t hear Lo I can only hear a video on in the background. Patton is alone. I feel kinda bad for disrupting his alone time, but I need answers. I knock on his bedroom door.

When the door opens I see Patton there in his pyjamas and I also see the engagement ring on his finger. The grin on his face changes from a grin to a frown when he see’s me.

“Son what is wrong? Your hood is on your head and you look like you have been crying” Patton says concerned.

“Can we talk please I need your advice on something.” I ask.

“Of course, come in. You are welcome at any time day or night.”

I go into Patton’s room and he gestures to the bed and I perch on the end of it. Patton sits opposite of me and gives me the look of sympathy and is clearly asking me what is wrong.

“I can just tell that something is wrong. Every time I see a certain person something happens to me. My heart feels weird, I grow nervous that whatever I say will upset them or I am nervous about what they think about me. My hands start sweating too. Even when I think about them. What is happening to me” I stutter out. Patton seems to be stuck in thought and then the biggest grin pops up on his face.

“Virgil, this may seem like I am going off topic but let me explain.” Patton says. I nod my head confused to where this is going.

“Can you answer this for me now? Who is the person that makes you feel like this?” Patton asks.

“Roman, why?” Patton smirks at my answer.

“16 years ago, I was panicking over the exact same feelings you are having now. I tried to pass it off and ignore it. Soon it became unbearable and I needed advice and I went to Roman for advice. He gave me my answer and I kept it as my secret. I was told that I had fallen in love”

What. No. This can’t be love. Mal told me that Anxiety was never meant to love or be loved. How is it possible? Why Roman of all people? Must be because of how he has changed towards me.

“Virgil you have fallen in love with Roman. And just to let you know you have my full blessing.” Patton says with a giant smile on his face.

“Please just…. Not now” I am scared.

“Ok. I just want to let you know that it will be ok. I was like you 15 years ago and now I am planning a wedding.” Patton tries to reassure.

“But Patton. I’m not you. Nobody can love Anxiety.” I say dejectedly.

“I love you. You’re my son. And who got that idea into your head?”

Mal “It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to go to my room. I need some sleep”

“Ok son. Just think about what I said.”

“Ok. Thank you.” I leave Patton’s room and I can feel tears running down my face. When I get into my room I flop onto my bed and lie down face first. I still don’t know how this happened. How the fuck did I fall in love with Roman? He will never love me back it is just impossible.

I reach for the metal object that has become so familiar to me then I pull my hoodie off. I notice the lines from last time haven’t fully healed and I stare at them for a little bit because I know soon they will be fully healed. After a couple strokes of the blade I begin to feel a little better, but it isn’t enough. It is never enough. But I deserve this pain. I bandage myself up and put my hoodie back on.

I guess I have to get used to the heartache of knowing that I love someone who can never love me back.


	17. One of Virgil's Secrets is Discovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has fallen into a depressive episode after figuring out he is in love and he needs comfort but he is caught red handed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200 KUDO'S. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. You guys are the best and I can't tell you how much your support for this series means to me so thank you for putting up with me and reading this fic. Again I will have to include a trigger warning.
> 
> (TW- Self Harm)

I stayed in my room the next day. Not because I wanted to but because I didn’t have the mental energy to get up. I hate it when this happens because the other dark sides would make the days after something like this hell in ways that I don’t want to think about. Nobody understands. You know what people say. Anxiety and Depression are practically hand in hand. 

The other three must not care though because they have not even knocked n my door to check on me. I mean who would care about me. All I am is a pain in the ass. Why would anyone care about me? Nobody has cared for me before so why should they now. I am a useless waste of space who can’t do anything right. Why do these people care about me? Is it because of the fact I am Patton and Logan’s son? They didn’t care too much about me before then.

I begin to feel it again. The need for pain. The need for blood.

I take my hoodie off and cut myself again. I am doing it more recently then ever before my negative thoughts are different and they are worse. They are getting into places that hurt and cause so much pain and it is worse then any pain I have felt before.

However, I was so caught up in thought that I didn’t hear a knocking on the door. Or my bedroom door opening.

“Hey Hot Topic, can I ask your opinion on som- Holy Shit” the person at my door says.

When I turn around I see Roman at the door and he is looking at my arms with a heartbroken and shocked expression.

“Ro, I uhm. I-“ I say trying to find a way to explain why I did this.

He then runs over to me and throws his arms around my shoulders careful not to irritate the open cuts on his arms. When Roman pulls away he looks at my arms and I think he is looking for how many open wounds I have. 

“Virgil please can you wait here. I just need to grab something ok. I know how many open wounds you have so if you give yourself any more I will know.” Roman says quietly. I am sitting on my bed now and he is kneeling down, so he can see eye to eye with me.

“Ok” I say in a voice that you need to strain to hear it. Roman leaves the room and I am left alone.

Roman knows now. I didn’t want any of them knowing about this but Roman was at the top of the list of ‘people I will not let find out about this’ club. Now he is aware of my secret. What if he tells Patton and Logan, what if he freaks out, what if I accidentally tell him about my feelings for him. This will not end well for me. 

After what feels like an eternity Roman comes into my room with a first aid kit. He sits next to me on the bed and is looking on my left arm which is the one with the open wounds on it. He also has a look over my right arm to make sure there are none there that I gave myself while he was gone. I didn’t give myself any more while he wasn’t here. There was no point he already knew.

“Thank you for listening to me and not giving yourself any more of them. I am going to clean them ok, so this will hurt” Roman says reassuringly. 

Roman then got the disinfectant and poured a little bit on a piece of cloth and began to wipe it on my arm. It stung like a bitch, but I was determined not to shout out, so I bit my bottom lip so hard it was close to bleeding, but it was the only way to stop me from screaming. Roman noticed this and unhooked my lip out of my teeth. He then looks slightly mortified because of his actions and then goes back to cleaning my arm instead of talking about what he just did, and I let it slide.

He then grabbed bandages and started to wrap up my arm. We have sat in complete and utter silence and I am beginning to wonder when that will change. We he has finished he turns towards me and asks me one question that I hoped he wouldn’t ask.

“Why?” 

“I will tell you one day. Just not yet. Give me some time.” I say to him. That is true. I will tell them all when the time is right. I just don’t feel comfortable telling them yet.

“Ok. That’s fair. Just tell me one day and I have one thing I need you to do.” I look at curious to what he wants from me.

“Give me what you used to do this” Roman then holds his hand out for the object.

I then go into my hoodie pocket and take out the razor blade covered in blood in various stages of drying. I put it in his palm. He then rubs his hands together and the razor is gone. I have no idea how he did that.

“I will make a deal with you. I won’t tell Patton and Logan but if you feel the need to do this again tell me. I won’t be mad, but I will talk it through with you. But if you do it again I will tell them. Deal” Roman says that with a firm tone but by no means is it angry. I nod my head.

“Deal”

“I know you are not the biggest fan of physical contact, but please can I give you a hug” Roman says that a lot softer.

“Ok”

He wraps his arms around me and I immediately feel safer. I sit listening to his heartbeat and immediately feel myself calming. The panic attack I was on the verge of is going. I finally get the point. God, I love this man. But one thought I have is making a reappearance and it is driving me crazy.

“Why are you still here?” I say so quietly he might not have even heard it. But of course, he did. He looks down at me still with his arms around me.

“Do you want me to give you some time to yourself.” 

“That isn’t what I meant. My whole life people have only been nice to me for a couple days then it all goes terrible. Why haven’t you three done the same?” 

I look down and wait to hear Roman telling me that he will follow that trend and I will be left alone again. I don’t think I could handle going through that again.

“Virgil. I would never do that to you. Even though we did not start off in the best of ways I care about you and so do your parents. We all want you to be happy and clearly you are not, and I apologise about that, but I give you my word that I will not leave you alone and I will do everything in my power to make sure you will not feel the need to hurt yourself again.” Roman sounds like he is crying, and I feel awful. He thinks this is his fault when it just isn’t. I guess I have to tell him the truth about my role.

“Princey. Trust me when I say this is not your fault. There is something I should tell you. I do represent more then Anxiety and more then fight or flight. Being Anxiety I also represent…”

I take a deep breath and I know he will hate me after I tell him this. I am not sure that I will be able to handle it but I have to now.

“Depression." Roman looks stunned and quite sad at the same time. I have to keep talking now.

"I represent depression. So, by representing both Anxiety and Depression I have both of them. I understand if you hate me again because I have caused Thomas more pain then you thought and-“

“Virgil stop that thought. You’re spiralling again. After you ducked out I realised that good can come after pain and we can’t help the role we have been given. I am not angry and never will be over something like this. You can’t help it.”

I am sobbing now. I am so moved by what he said. Nobody has ever said something that nice to me and it is completely overwhelming. Roman hugs me even tighter and begins to whisper reassuring words to me. 

“You need to get out of here. Thomas may not be here, but I am feeling strong emotions and that may corrupt you and I really don’t want that to happen to you again. So please leave I can handle this on my own like I always have done.” I say while pushing him away. I don’t want him to leave my side, but he has to, but he will get corrupted and I can handle it on my own like all the pain I have felt my entire life.

“Ok, I’ll go but I won’t leave you alone because you will not face your demons alone again. We won’t abandon you like that again Virgil. Come here.” Roman says in a soft voice.

Roman then picks me up in a bridal carry and I wrap my arms around his neck and snuggle further into his chest because I find it calms me down, but I feel on the verge of a panic attack again and Roman already knows too much and if he knew about that part of me it would all be too much. When we get into Roman’s room he puts me down on his bed and then closes his bedroom door so the other two can’t get in and find out about the state I am in and I really appreciate the efforts. I start doing the breathing exercises I learned from Talyn. 

“One more question. Why didn’t you leave your room today?” Roman asks.

“Depressive spell. That is the reason I cut myself to begin with.” 

“Virgil I am so sorry.” Roman looks and sounds genuinely heartbroken.

“It’s ok. It’s not your fault nobody can change what I represent. It is not fun, but I can put up with it” Virgil reassures.

“You can stay in my room tonight because I can tell that your room will only make it worse but please come out tomorrow because you need to eat.” Roman says running his hand though my hair and it feels really nice.

After 10 more minutes of this I finally fall into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have just started sixth form and it is going well but I am still getting used to the increased work load and the stress so for the next while you may stress uploads so fair warning.
> 
> Please feel free to leave suggestions for this series down below and give any corrections for my grammar and spelling because I am terrible at it.


	18. Converstaions that were needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman has been keeping an eye on Virgil because he now knows his secret. They both have been leaving Patton and Logan alone because they just got engaged but in the night some truths are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is bad because I had a complete writers block with this chapter. I knew what I wanted this chapter to be about but I couldn't figure out how to put it into words.

I don’t know why I let this happen to me. Why was I so careless? Roman now looks over me every time I feel sadder or more anxious then normal he to make sure I haven’t done anything to myself. It is beginning to get annoying, but I know why he is doing it. It also makes Roman spend more time with me and it makes me anxious because I am worried that I will say something to him that I need to keep secret. It is also moving me because nobody has ever showed this much concern towards me. 

Me and Roman have been spending more time together by default as well because my parents have been together more and neither of us want to disturb them because they did just get engaged. I kind of miss them but their happiness means more then my stupid feelings. Oh well.

I am on the couch scrolling through myspace alone because I want some time to myself after one of regular nightmares, but my room has become too much right now. I am feeling the itch to do it, but I have no means to do it and there is no way in hell I am going to Roman about it because he is drowning me in concern and it is too much because I am just not used to it.

So, I am in the common room at night with the lights off because fight me. And then I hear something down the corridor. I am anxiety and my sight and hearing are enhanced a bit and it was a silent night. Then I see someone coming in and I curl in on myself. Then the light turns on.

I see a side with a light blue shirt, cream trousers, glasses and a grey cat hoodie. It is a gift from Logan in the Moving On video as an engagement gift but in the video, it was said to just cheer Patton up. Which in a way it was but Patton was meant to get it at the wedding, but the moral side was so upset he got it sooner then planned. Patton still hasn’t seen me, and I am not sure why he hasn’t seen me or why he is even awake at this time.

“Hey Patton, what are you doing awake?” I ask because curiosity got the best of me. Patton flinches when he hears me.

“Oh. Hey son I didn’t see you there. Um I just couldn’t sleep I have no idea why.” I like how he forgets that I can sense anxiety. I can tell he is lying.

“Patton come and sit next to me for a bit.” I say patting the seat next to me.

My dad looks at the seat I gestured to then he looks at me. He then nods and sits next to me. I look at him and try to find the right way to say what I need to say.

“Patton, I need you to tell me the truth. What is going on?” I say gently.

“I’m just feeling bad kiddo.” Patton says with tears in his eyes and clearly trying to hold them in.

“Do you know what about specifically?” I know pushing him a little is the only way to get his feelings out of him.

“It’s dumb” The moral side says quietly and clearly avoiding my gaze.

“Patton. I know your problems may seem dumb and it will be very hard for you to open up about your problems because you kept the fact that you feel pain a secret for so long. I know from first hand experience opening up after so long of keeping it a secret is hard and you don’t have to tell me anything. I just want you to know that I am here to listen to you when you need someone who understands at least a part of it.” I say completely honestly. I know now that I will be sad, and I can go to these people, but it is so hard. I understand why Patton hides it. 

“Kiddo. Ok I’ll tell you.” Patton then draws in a deep breath. “Many things have gotten me like this son. One of the things is I am about to get married. I am happy about it don’t get me wrong but it is the fact that I am breaking the norms. I am happy and scared about it. I was the same way when I was pregnant with you. Happy and scared. It is not natural for me to do this and it is scary but exciting. You know what I mean.” 

I was listening that whole time and I understand what is going on. “Patton. That is normal. Remember what I said. Accept the fear because that is normal even for humans. It is a fear of something new and that is why you are feeling it now and why you felt it when you were pregnant. It is completely normal”

“Thank you, kiddo,” Patton says with the tears he was holding in earlier spilling silently down his cheeks.

I realise something. He said that was the first thing that was wrong. “That isn’t all is it. What else is bothering you? You don’t have to tell me, but I want to help you”

“Ok. I just feel like I haven’t seen you and Roman in a while because I have been with Logan so much. I have been waiting for you two to come and see us and you never did. I just miss you guys” Patton says and his tears are starting up again.

Shit. Me and Roman have been staying away because we thought they wanted time alone.

“We wanted to try and give you and your fiancée some time alone. We missed you both too, but we thought you wanted some time between the two of you and we left you alone. Sorry we missed that Patton” I wrap by arms around Patton and now I feel really guilty because we made Patton feel bad and I will have to tell Roman about this tomorrow.

“It’s alright kiddo. I understand about what happened and I didn’t mean to make you feel bad for a simple misunderstanding. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Why are you awake at this time at night?” Patton says clearly trying to change the subject.

Shit. I did not want him to ask me that because I am not ready to talk about it.

“I had a nightmare, but I am not ready to talk about what happened in it yet. Sorry.”

“It is ok son. I understand that you are not ready, but I want you to know that when you are ready you can come to me or Lo or Ro and we will not judge you at all.” Patton says.

Like that is true. I think he thinks that now but when he hears about what happened they will judge me, and they will shun me again and now I don’t think I could handle it.

“Thanks dad”

Patton looks like he is about to cry again. I never say that apart from when I used to before I knew sarcastically but I have never meant. 

“No. Thank you my son”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter and please feel free to suggest what you want to see in the future of this story.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the support that you guys give me it makes my day.


	19. The plan for movie night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Virgil put their plan into action but the reason they need a plan is revealed and it is not what most think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the support on this work. It means so much to me and am really excited for you to read this chapter.

After what Patton told me we both started talking about what we could do to have everyone together because it is wearing both of us down. I can tell that this was boiling inside of him for a while, but he wanted us to come to him. But I am not sure.

“So how is that for a plan” I say because in my opinion our plan is good and that is coming from me.

“Yep. Hehehehe” Patton starts giggling and bouncing up and down on his seat. Patton is the most adorable thing when he is excited. He is like a toddler and I thought I was HIS kid not the other way around. I don’t mean that in a bad way it is more endearing than anything else.

“Let’s go then dad.” I say gently patting his leg to get his butt into gear.

“Let’s go” Patton gets up and walks down the corridor to Logan’s room.

I get up after a few minutes to try and give Patton some time to get in to Logan’s room and to make it not look like we were collaborating on this effort.

I get to Roman’s bedroom door and take a couple deep breaths because well have you met me yet. I knock quietly on his door.

“Hey Hot Topic one second alright.” Roman says with a flair. How did he know that was me?

“Hey what are you doing here. I am surprised you came out your emo cave. By all means come in.” Roman then opens the door farther then before so I can come in to his room.

You are probably wondering what happened to make me and dad have to trick the other two into hanging out with us. Neither of them has a problem with us they just have a problem with each other.

_//ONE MONTH AGO//_

_It started out a normal day. Me and Roman are watching a Disney movie in the commons and Patton and Logan are upstairs in Logan’s room planning their wedding. No matter how much it flairs up my anxiety I am happy for them and understand their need for space. Roman however does not._

_The happy couple comes downstairs so Patton can make food and they both have become attached at the hip recently. Roman clearly looks infuriated at this._

_“Hi guys good to see you again.” I say. I can make polite conversations when I want to ok._

_“Hey son what’s up” Patton says._

_“The ceiling” I say because I can. Patton starts giggling wildly._

_“What is really going on?” The moral side asks. Is it that easy to tell._

_“My anxiety has been flaring up recently. Nothing I can’t handle.” I say and I can’t help but notice Roman still looks pissed._

_“Yeah I am aware. You two would be too if Logan stopped being controlling.” Roman says with a glare at Logan._

_“Ro, please don’t do this.” I mutter to him because this is the last thing we need right now._

_“What do you mean by that Princey?” Logan says with that quiet but deadly tone. Me and Patton swap a look that has the mutual understanding that this will not end well for either of them._

_“Ever since you proposed we haven’t seen you two apart. You are always with Patton and never leave him alone. Me and your son never see you guys alone. I know Patton and he doesn’t act like this so it has to be you.” Roman says with his voice slightly elevated. Roman stands up and Patton comes and sits next to me because we are staying out of this one._

_“Have you ever planned a wedding. You need a lot of time and energy and that is what we are doing. Am I not allowed to be happy. I have never kept him away from you two and I can tell from the look on Virgil’s face he doesn’t agree. So please stop the ridiculous accusations.” Logan says again raising his voice a bit._

_“Even if it was valid” Roman mutters thinking nobody can hear him but we all do._

_“FINE” Logan says clearly seething with rage. “You want a valid accusation. I am under the suspicion that you are purposely making Virgil more anxious to guilt trip us because he is our son. His anxiety got worse when he started to be around you more.”_

_That was a lot. I can tell that both men have gone too far._

_“How dare you. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.” Roman screams. He then stormed off and slammed his door and then Logan did the same._

_Me and Patton have been separated because of this incident because Patton and Logan need to plan the wedding and me and Roman have been hanging out more to combat loneliness._

_Roman and Logan have not been anywhere near each other since._

_//PREASANT DAY//_

“Hey Princey. How did you know that was me at the door” I ask because my curiosity got the better of me.

“Only you knock on my door that quietly. Patton is loud and energetic, and Logan has equal intervals and you are so quiet you can barely hear it. So that is how I knew. Now answer my question. What are you doing here because you are normally stuck in your room.” Roman asks.

“I just wanted to ask if you wanted to see a movie in the common room because normally when we watch movies together we have been in here.” I say in a hopeful tone because I really want him to agree to this.

“I’m not sure about it. What if the Microsoft turd is there.” Roman says in a scared tone because he really doesn’t want Logan there.

“Roman it will be fine.” I say but not telling him that Logan will be there if all goes well.

“Do you think I did?” Roman asks quietly. That is not like him at all.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

Roman doesn’t hesitate to answer my question. “Do you think I am coaxing you to make your anxiety worse? Am I that bad?” He asks with tears clear in his eyes. 

I can tell he feels awful. I can tell what Logan said really got under his skin. I know the look in his eyes because I have felt that way before. I can tell he feels terrible and I never want him to feel that way. I don’t think my heart can take the fact that Roman is in pain because of me.

“No. Of course not. I know you would never do that to me. I can tell this has been winding you up and in my opinion that shows more than anything that you are not a bad person. I know we may have not had a good start, but I can tell you care about me. I am so sorry that you feel like that because of me.” I say. 

“Virge how could any of this be your fault. I get that part was about you, but you never started this or had any part of this. If anything, it’s mine because I started going off on Logan. You even told me not to and I refused to listen to you.” Roman says before wrapping his arms around me as comfort.

I honestly have no idea where that came from. I know him and that sounds like it came from me not the fanciful side. This has me really concerned because how many hidden insecurities is he hiding behind a mask of bravado.

“Roman while I do think you went a little too far with-it Logan should not have retaliated.” I say. I believe that both of them went too far but they need to make up. 

“Thanks, Hot Topic. Lets just go and watch a movie.” He says with a warm smile. I feel bad for the fact that me and Patton planning them two to get in the same room.

When me and Roman get into the common room and Roman freezes when he looks in and see’s Patton and especially Logan there. Logan then see’s Roman and gives him the biggest glare I have ever seen.

“What is HE doing here” Logan says with clear disgust when he says the word he. 

“I would like to say the same to you.” Roman says to him then looks to me. “Did you know he would be here?”

“Yes because you two need to talk some things out” I say to both of them while forcing my voice to be louder.

Patton then carries on for me. “Me and Virge both talked it out a couple days ago. I am sorry if we hurt you’re feelings but we can’t take this anymore. The open hostility is wearing both of us down.”

“I haven’t seen you two in weeks because Logan and Roman refuse to be in the same room and I miss you guys and I know that Patton feels the same. He was crying when we talked this over because he felt that bad about the whole thing.” I say and both of the men in question both look really guilty.

“You both went too far and one of you is not guiltier then the other. We are not doing this to guilt trip you or to make you feel bad. But this just can’t go on for any longer and sometimes you have to hurt people you care about for the greater good.” Patton says clearly on the verge of tears.

“Me and Patt are going to stand by the door. Please talk this out. You will both feel better after this and then we can watch a movie like promised.” I say pulling my dad to the door and we begin to listen while I have my arm around his shoulder for comfort.

“Lo listen. I know what I said and I know my thought process to lead to that conclusion. But I know I was wrong to call you out like that and I know what I said not only factually but morally was wrong and I am so sorry.” Roman says looking so miserable. I feel guilty for forcing them to confront their feelings, but it has to be done.

“I am sorry too Roman. I should not have said what I did. I know you care about Virgil and I played on that. I have no idea why his anxiety has been getting worse but I know you are not to blame.” Logan says. 

“Can I have a hug?” Roman says with his arms open. Logan nods and goes into his arms. 

When they pull apart I decide to answer a question. “Part of it was what was going on between you two and part of it something I don’t know. That unknown is most of it but I honestly don’t know. The only reason I have been going to Roman for most of it is because he accidentally found out about something that I am not going in to but that is why. If he didn’t know that then I would keep it to myself because that is what I have always done. Sorry to interrupt.” I say and my parents look at me really upset while Roman gives me a look of understanding.

“Let’s just watch that movie.” Roman says to keep the attention off what I just said.

Then we all sit down and watch the movie and we feel peace for the first time in a month. I am just relaxed but I know that the anticipation will set in soon.

Next week is the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the ending sentence said.


	20. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is finally time. Patton and Logan are getting married. Wedding bells are ringing and here we go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure about how wedding ceremonies go so please forgive me if I got it wrong.

Today is the day. Today is the Logicality wedding (As Roman started calling them). Roman is helping Patton get ready and I am helping Logan. He is freaking out.

“Virgil I am not sure about this. What if something goes wrong? What if the dark sides show up and ruin everything?” Logan says hurriedly. Clearly having trouble having his mouth keep up with his brain. I have never seen him like this before.

“Logan please calm down. Nothing will go wrong. You know Patton better than me and even I can tell he will never do anything to hurt you. Even though your anxiety over today is clouding that knowledge because I am the embodiment of anxiety, so I know about this first hand. Also, you already have a dark side coming to the wedding through invite.” I say that last bit with a grin stretching across my face.

“Virgil you are not a dark side. At least not anymore. You are the child of two figurative light sides and I still have no idea why you were a dark side even if anxiety is technically a mix of logic and emotions.” Logan says. This is what I wanted. Logan is now talking about me and is not worrying about the wedding.

“I am honestly wondering something.” I say. This is something that has been bothering me for a while.

“Then ask away and I will do the best to answer you.” Logan says looking at me.

“I was born because of the complex. Patton has it and I am sure that you don’t. Do you think that I have the complex too?” I say because it has been on my mind for a while. I wonder if I can have children.

“I honestly don’t know. You are correct I don’t have it, but you were conceived because of it. I think it may have been a 50 percent chance. I have no idea if you have it though. I guess we will find out later.” Logan says with a small smile towards me.

I place the small blue flower on my suit jacket pocket then pin it in place. I am wearing pair of black dress trousers and a black suit jacket. I am wearing a white dress shirt and a dark purple tie. I also have a blue flower because it is both Patton and Logan’s signature colour.

“This stupid flower. How do you put the fucking thing on?” Logan says then he throws the flower on the floor. I pick it up and put it on him.

“Just remember what is going to happen. I am well aware that the vows are not written down and planned but that way it is better because it is coming from the heart. You two used to be like parents to me and when I found out I was freaked out, but it also felt like it fit. I love you both as parents and I can tell that you are going to be happy and this will end well. The dark sides don’t know about this and everything will be ok… Papa” 

Logan looks shocked. I have called Patton dad before, but I have never called Logan papa because I have never found the right time. I guess now is as good as any. He looks like he is about to cry. I have no idea whether that is a good thing or not. It must be bad.

“I’m sorry. I assume you hated that I am sorry. I won’t do that agai-“ I couldn’t finish my sentence before Logan flung himself into my arms.

“No, it’s fine. I was not expecting that. I am elated you said that. Sorry I acted like Patton because I know that kind of thing scares you, but I couldn’t resist. I am glad that you see me as your father now.” Logan says clearly trying to hold these tears back.

“I have for a while, but I just never found the right time to say it because I didn’t want to blurt it out on a random day.” I say because that is the truth.

“Thank you, my son. I have just noticed I need to get out there, so I can finally get married. Let’s go best man” my papa says while nudging my shoulder. 

We immediately left to go to the church where the wedding is to take place. We are currently in the imagination because anything can happen if Roman allows it. Also, because this is Roman’s realm he will be the officiant because they didn’t want to have a figment there, I am their son/best man and Roman offered.

So, when we get to the church Roman is already there, so I can assume that Patton is in a back room. Roman is wearing an identical suit to me but his tie is red. I am going to be the one to walk my dad down the aisle because I am a blood family and the only one left that is not part of the wedding party and feel a little left out because I am not doing anything to help otherwise.

“Hey Ro, where is he because I need to get going to him if that is alright guys.” I say because not only do I need to get him out here, but I want to see what Patton looks like because I am nosy, but I will only admit it to myself.

“The room to the right of the bathroom and I know you know where that is because you have a two second bladder.” Roman says with a smirk on his face. I want to kiss it off his face – wait what, I mean I want to punch it off his face. Yeah that is what I meant.

“Thank you” I say trying to keep my voice nice and pretend the jab is the reason for my change in voice.

I then go to that room and get the last of the preparations for him to walk down the aisle.

When I walk in the room I see Patton in a white dress that goes down to the floor and it is not too much, but it is not too simple, it is also off the shoulder and near the breast of the dress is a blue flower pin like the rest of us have. On the table next to him is a tiara and a vail that will go over his face he looks extremely nervous.

“Hey dad.” I say carefully because I know when Patton is not doing too good he can lash out and it is scary. I was on the receiving end of that when I saw the picture of well me.

“Hi, son, are you alright.” Patton says. That sounds normal but there is something about it that I can tell he is anxious. So that is what happens to dad when he is trying and failing to hide the fact that he is terrified.

“I’m good. There is no point in asking how you are because I can tell you are scared out of your mind.” I say, and Patton looks shocked.

“How did you tell. Roman said that I am calm considering I am getting married when inside I am freaking out and he has known me for years. How did you know?”

“It is a special skill I have. Roman can see dreams, Logan can practically read minds with how accurate his assumptions of what is going on in our minds are, you are extremely emotionally intelligent mere moments after you lay eyes on someone you can tell what they are feeling and I can tell when someone is anxious even when they are the world champion of hiding it.” I say. “I will admit though. You are really good at hiding it.”

“I don’t know if that is a complement or not” Patton says with a grin on his face.

“Take it as a complement” I say. We both break into giggles. It wasn’t even that funny. The tension is so thick you can 

I then pick up the tiara because I know for a fact that the other two are waiting for the two of us. I place it on his head and begin to straighten it.

“I don’t understand the wedding stress because well I have never been married before.” I say in a quiet voice because I am close to his face. “I know that for you and Logan breaking norms is just another day in the office for you and I am proof of that. I also know that you two are completely in love and I know that it will be in a way like when Thomas goes on stage. Really nervous and then when he gets out there the worry fades away, and excitement takes over.”

I place the vail over his face and begin to fix it to make it look right. “I am the embodiment of anxiety and I know all about this kind of thing and Thomas knows about this kind of thing from his friends getting married. Trust me dad. Everything will be ok when you see him. I have, and he looks really good.” 

“Ok kiddo.” Patton says while grabbing the flowers that we will carry down the aisle. “It is time to go.”

Me and Patton link arms so I can give him away. I am so happy that this is finally happening. From what I have seen and from what Roman has told me I can tell this is true love and this is the one thing I want so bad. But it is the one thing I can never have.

When we step out into the room Roman is standing where the priest normally and Roman is standing just to the side of him. He clearly has tears in his eyes from seeing Patton. This is beautiful. Me and Patton make it to the front and he stands in his correct place and I sit in the front pew to watch it because well someone had to be in the audience. The only reason Thomas isn’t here is because he has no access to the imagination and there is no place to hold this in the mindscape. But Thomas was the one who came up with this idea and we are going to see him for a movie night as the wedding reception and the reason they chose this is because it is their favourite thing to do.

Logan moves the vail back from Patton’s face and I have never seen a smile as large on his face and that is saying something.

“Ok I am going to try and be formal but no promises.” Roman says and Patton giggles and Logan gives him an affectionate roll of the eyes. It feels normal, but this is what they wanted, and I know this for a fact.

“Ok guys please exchange your vows” Roman then nods towards Logan.

“Patton, I have never been to good with emotions it has been something I have struggled with it since I was created. You help me work on that, I am more open with my emotions now more then I have ever been. I am happier then I have ever been in my whole life. All the ups we have celebrated together. The downs we have been conquered together. You have seen my crying my eyes out for hours and then cuddled me when I was too tired to stay awake. I love you with all my heart and I never thought I could feel this way. I will always love you.”

Patton has tears in his eyes and he starts talking.

“Lo I have never thought that sides could fall in love with each other I was destined to fall for everyone Thomas falls for and it is a curse sometimes. But you proved me wrong. I gave my love to you and you understood when I was torn up when about Thomas having a break up and knew that I still loved you. I never knew that the standards of the mindscape could be broken. Again, you proved me wrong. I mean we are standing here at our wedding with our child sitting nearby. I love you with everything I have, and I am not exaggerating because of my emotions.”

Roman looks on the verge of tears and I am the same way. That was the cutest thing I have heard in a while.

“Virgil can you do your part?” I take the rings to the front and give their rings to the opposite person.

“Please exchange the rings.”

That is exactly what they did. Patton gave Logan his ring first and Logan followed soon after.

“Now Logan repeat after me.” Logan nods at this sentence.

“I, Logan”  
“take thee Patton”  
“to be my wedded husband”  
“to have and to hold”  
“from this day forward”  
“for better, for worse”  
“for richer, for poorer”  
“in sickness and in health”  
“to love and to cherish”  
“till death do us part”  
“I therefore pledge myself to you.”

“Ok. Patton do the same thing. Repeat after me.”

“I, Patton”  
“take thee Logan”  
“to be my wedded husband”  
“to have and to hold”  
“from this day forward”  
“for better, for worse”  
“for richer, for poorer”  
“in sickness and in health”  
“to love and to cherish”  
“till death do us part”  
“I therefore pledge myself to you.”

“Ok if anyone has any objections to these two getting married say now or shut the hell up” They look at me.

“I’m good keep going.” I say flapping my hands towards them.

“Ok by the power vested in me by the mindscape I pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.”

Patton and Logan then press their lips together in a passionate kiss. Roman comes around and stands next to me. We look at each other and look at the couple while they kiss passionately.

In an hour Patton and Logan will change. They will then settle down in the real word with Thomas and us two for movie nights for hours and just enjoy each other’s company.

But for now, they are trapped in each other’s arms and kissing the air from the others lungs.

And I can tell that they wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you are probably wondering why I am uploading today. I am aware that I will not be able to upload tomorrow so instead of making you wait I decided to upload it today.


	21. The fact that was not a secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil was eating lunch when he discovered that his secret was not as big of a secret as he thought it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my fic you have no idea how much all your support means to me.
> 
> TW - Talk of depression, self harm and suicide.

It has been a month since the wedding and everything is going extremely well. Patton and Logan are very clearly having a good marriage so far. The argument that Logan and Roman had is forgiven and forgotten. My mental health has been steadily getting better because of how good my situation is. Nothing has gone wrong yet and this is the most at peace I have been in my entire life and it is a pleasant change of pace.

Me and Roman are sitting in the kitchen. He is eating toast with crofters on it and I am eating a chicken and mushroom pot noodle. 

“Honestly I have no idea how you eat those things. They are disgusting.” He says with a look of disgust on his face looking at the food in my hand.

“I like it so piss off.” I say then I give him the finger.

“Son language.” Says someone from the doorway that I can’t see.

“English.” I say with a giant grin on my face.

“Roman are you eating my crofters.” Logan says giving the side in question a suspicious look.

“Your name was not on the jar specs.” Roman says taking a bite of the toast and looking Logan dead in the eyes.

“Hey papa don’t worry about it. We have pot noodles.” I say raising the pot that was in my hand as an offering because I know that he likes them too.

“Ok.” Logan then goes to the cupboard and starts to make the pot noodle.

“How the hell do you two eat those things they are gross.” Roman says and he crumples up his nose at the food in our hands.

“You eat canned tuna sandwiches and those thing taste and smell like ass I don’t know how you eat that shit, but you don’t see me complaining.” I say in a slightly elevated voice.

“Those are good you heathen.” Roman says and he throws his hand over his chest in a dramatic fashion.

“Think of it this way. Both me and Virgil like pot noodles but you are alone in liking canned tuna. Not even Patton likes it.” Logan says. I am so happy that Logan agrees with me.

Roman then huffs and goes into his room and finishes his toast there clearly annoyed that he didn’t win this debate over food.

“So now that is over how are you doing today.” Logan says.

“I’m good.” And that is the truth. “You”

“I’m well Virge thank you.” Logan says, and he smiles at me.

“Can I ask you for a favour?” Logan says looking nervous and that is strange for him.

I am scared. I wonder what the hell Logan wants that is making him nervous. “Depends” I say and beginning to play with the cuffs of my hoodie.

Logan then adjusts his glasses then crosses his arms and looks me in the eyes. “Can you take off your hoodie for me?”

_Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit_

“Um no. Its ok.” I say beginning to panic.

“Ok so I will do it this way. I know you are depressed.”

What the fuck. How the hell does he know. I need to reverse this. Too many people hear already knew I don’t need another one.

“Wh-what are y-you t-talking about?” I stutter out. Darn it my voice does not hide the fear that I am feeling right now.

“Ok let me just go through where I got this conclusion and I want you to listen.” Logan says, and I will listen to him because I need to understand how he knows the truth. “One day I saw you playing with the cuffs on your old hoodie and I saw lines on your arms and I didn’t think much of it at the time but now I assume they are self-harm scars. You sometimes you hide in your room for days on end and the others assume you need privacy and I am sure that those are depressive episodes. And this has been painful to say and what I about to say will be the hardest thing. The other two don’t know what ducking out really is. But I do. I know that for us personality facets it is the equivalent to….to…. suicide.” 

Logan says all of that with a wavering voice and he says the last word so quiet I can barely hear it. I know for a fact that there is no way out of this. I have to explain.

“I thought I was being subtle.” I say looking down.

“You were I can’t deny that. But you can’t fool me. Nobody else is aware of this I assume and all I want is the truth.” 

“Ok. Just can we go to somewhere private first. I don’t want ears to listen in.” I say because while Roman knows all of this, but Patton has no clue and I don’t want him to know. He is innocent and it as to stay that way.

Logan then nods and takes my hand. He begins to lead me to his room and it feels like an eternity. I really don’t want to have to explain again but I have to.

When we get to Logan’s room he closes his bedroom door then sits on the edge of his bed and nods toward the place next to me. I sit down, and he looks expectedly at me. Here I go.

“I have always known I was anxiety, and nobody had to tell me that. It was the same case with figuring out that I also represented depression. Being anxiety, I had anxiety. Being depression, I have always been depressed. Even when I was a child I knew. I grew scared of my depressive episodes because the dark sides would leave me alone for them and when it finished they would make my life hell and I really don’t want to go into that right now. But my life was hell with those sides and now I understand why. A couple years before I woke up in this side of the mindscape was when I began to consider ducking out. I have no idea why those sides took me because they clearly hated me. But that made my depression worse. When I began to think of ducking out I freaked and cut myself for the first time. It was a low moment for me, but it was the first time I had control. Not just over my pain but over something and I won’t go into that. There was an incident before I came here and that is why I was here. When I came here and Roman started insulting me it didn’t get to me. I had heard worse when I was with the others and I can handle it. When I found out the name of your baby I did not enter a depressive episode I was just in shock and lost track of the time. When Roman said what he said the day I ducked out was the only time it really got to me because I got flashbacks and then it became too much.” I explain.

Logan has been silent throughout my entire explanation. And I am getting anxious to see what he will say, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to look at him. When I do I can see that he has tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Logan says quietly.

“You have no need to apologise. I know for a fact that there was nothing you could have done to prevent anything. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. And I was going to be depressed even without my upbringing. I’m sorry that I have upset you.” I say. I feel so guilty that I have made the logical side cry. I have only seen that a couple times.

“It wasn’t you. That was just hard to hear, and it isn’t you it is the people that did this to you. I just wish that we could have raised you and everything would be much more manageable for you.”

“I wish that could have happened too. But you guys have already made everything more manageable. My mental heath has been the best it has been for a while and I have you guys to thank for that.” I say. Then I pull Logan into a hug because he still looks upset.

“Thank you, son. But just one question. Is that what Roman knows because you stated that he knew something you didn’t want us to know.” Logan askes me. Well it is a reasonable question.

I explain how Roman found out and then I explain how much Roman knows. Roman knows the same as Logan does because these people can never find out the whole story. 

“Ok. That makes sense.” Logan says, and I notice that the signs of the tears that were falling down his face just moments ago have disappeared, and he looks no different when he entered the room.

“Let’s go and watch movies papa. Have you forgotten it’s movie night?” I say standing up.

Logan then stands up.” You are correct let’s go.”

Me and Logan joins the other two and then we begin to watch Disney movies. Patton and Logan begin to cuddle, and I want so bad to be able to do that with Roman. When the movie night is over all four of us stand up and then we hear something.

We hear a voice that I know for a fact that they don’t know who it belongs to. But I know it so well.

_“VIRGIL SANDERS”_

I have no time to brace myself as I am tackled to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And please tell me about any mistakes I made and let me know. Also requests are always open.


	22. The Side that Tackled Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The person that tackled Virgil is revealed not only to him but for the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the answer for who it was. I hope you like this chapter.

_“VIRGIL SANDERS”_

I have no time to brace myself as I am tackled to the floor.

I am beginning to panic because I can’t see who it is that has taken a hold of me. I can tell that the sides around me also look scared for me. However, the side that has taken a hold of me isn’t attacking me.

“Get off him!” Roman says before he grabs the shoulder of the side that is holding me to the floor. When Roman tries to pull him off me and his arm tighten around me.

“Roman wait.” Logan says when he realises what is going on.

This side is hugging me, and I can hear the sobs coming from him. I haven’t hugged him back because I am too freaked out, but I look down and see a leather jacket and then it hits me.

_”REMY”_

“Yeah it’s me” Clearly through tears.

I then wrap my arms around him back. Then the tears start for me. I have missed him so much. Remy then pulls away and I can see the red patches on his face from crying.

“I thought you died asshole. Never do that to me again.” Remy then flings himself at me and hugs me tighter then before. I wrap my arms around him again. 

“Kiddo.” I jump about a foot in the air. I forgot they were there. 

“Can you tell us who this is?” Logan says pointing at Remy.

“Name’s Remy, sides insomnia.” Remy says with a salute.

“Me and Remy are both dark sides. He was my only friend for years.” I say.

“Me and Anx go back years. The other sides like us were not good and whenever one of us were hurt we would patch each other up.”

“Yeah he can handle a panic attack as well that helps.” I say.

“One question. Why did you call him Anx? Do you know his name?” Roman says looking confused. I think.

“I know his name. I just have no idea if you know or not, so I thought he would be mad if you didn’t. Better safe than sorry.” Says Remy.

“Two things. One that is a sentence I never thought you would say and two they know my name so you’re good.” I say patting his shoulder.

“Ok I got it. Sorry I’m a little flustered I never thought I would see you again girl.” Remy says wiping his forehead.

“Honestly it’s alright. Seeing someone after thinking they were dead for a while can be overwhelming.” Logan says. Remy looks like he didn’t register what he said but the rest of us did. 

“Any way I honestly think that you two should catch up and we’ll leave you kiddo’s alone.” Patton says, and I can see Roman’s eye twitch, but it may just be a trick of the light.

Me and Remy then stand up and go into my bedroom because there is a lot we need to talk about. When we get in the room we both sit on my bed next to each other and we begin to talk.

“So, girl how long have you been here and how did you get here.” Remy asks.

“I have been here for just over a year and I have no idea how I got here I just woke up here.” I answer.

“I wanna know how that shit happened girl.” Remy says pouting.

“Honestly I think that the reason was my room trying to protect me because I am self-preservation.” I say. 

“Honestly how have you been doing? Are your problems getting any better?” Remy asks clearly concerned.

“Currently I am in a good mental state and I have not needed to you know for a while.” I say, and I am impressed by that fact.

“Well done V. Do they know about this?” 

“Logan and Roman do. I don’t have the heart to tell Dad. Roman caught me cutting myself and Logan figured it out. When Roman found out he took the blade away and now he sometimes checks over me and makes sure I haven’t cut myself again and he told me to talk to him if I feel the need. Which I have a few times, but it hasn’t been as bad as it was before.” I say.

“That’s so good and I am so proud that you. What happened when Thomas started acting weird.” Remy asks clearly understanding.

“Yeah. Not my finest moment.” I then explain what happened but leaving out the baby part. Remy then launches himself into my arms and I can tell he is on the verge of tears.

“Yeah Dad, papa and Thomas were so pissed at Roman like you wouldn’t believe.” I say having a giggle about it.

“What the fuck. Why did you call Patton and Logan dad and papa?”

“Yeah I probably should have told you about that.” I say, and he still looks really confused. I then explain the revelations that have come along recently.

“Oh my god. Everything finally makes sense. When you first came to the dark portion I wasn’t allowed to see you and I was sure I could hear a baby crying and I was told it was a lack of sleep talking. How the hell did I not put this together. V I’m so sorry.” Remy says, and he looks like he is about to start crying again.

“Rem it’s not your fault. There was no way you could’ve known the truth and look at the intuition you had because you were the person who told me about the complex and helped me figure out who I am. Besides you were the only friend I had for years and you are still a close friend to me even though I have gained a couple more. And everything that has happened to me is not your fault. In fact, you are the only reason I didn’t duck out sooner and stay that way.” I say and pull Remy into a hug and he seems overwhelmed by what I just said, and I don’t blame him.

“Girl you have to stop making me cry.” Remy says pulling away and wiping his eyes.

“It’s what I do best.” We both giggle like school girls at that.

I am so happy. I never thought I would see Remy again. He was the only person I had for years. And I thought that when I left the dark side portion of the mindscape that I would never see him again and that was the only thing that upset me about leaving. And the fact that he is here means so much to me and I really want to keep up the happy streak I have been on. I am scared to see what the others will think of Remy but that is a thought for another day and I am just going to let myself feel the happiness that is washing over me as I breathe and that is a feeling that I have barely known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I am excited to write the next one for you guys.
> 
> And please welcome Remy to the series and I hope you like him.


	23. After the Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out Remy is the man that tackled him Virgil is thrilled to have his friend back. However he can tell something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story and I am so happy that you guys enjoy it. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Thank you so much for all the support you have been showing me and this story.

When we have both finished crying we just sit and enjoy the other person’s company that has been missed over the past few months. 

“Have you been watching the videos?” I am curious as shit.

“Nope I haven’t had the chance. What have you been doing in them?” Remy asks looking at me expectantly.

“Well the first one was how to defeat me. At first I was the villain but now I am just like the others on the show after I had a redemption arc.” I say. I am actually happy with the way things turned out.

“Why the fuck do you need a redemption arc? You aren’t a villain. That has genuinely pissed me off.” Remy says so angry that steam is practically coming out his ears.

“To be fair dad and papa told be before I showed up that they were planning a villain arc because Roman said that all good shows have a villain. My redemption arc happened when I ducked out and they convinced me to come back. I told them my name and they now trust me and treat me no different to each other now.”

“Ok I am guessing that Roman was not a fan of you to begin with.” I nod. “Figured you are his opposite. I can tell he has warmed up to you. What did you just shoot?”

“We shoot some of the videos in advance, so Thomas can focus on other things so the last one was a Christmas special where we carolled with lyrics Roman made up even though we haven’t even reached Halloween yet” I explain.

“OK I got it.” Remy then looks extremely conflicted.

“Remy I’ve known you long enough. What’s wrong?” I say concerned. Remy only pulls that face when something is wrong.

“I don’t want to tell you so soon after seeing you again.” The sleepy side says in a quiet voice that is unlike him.

“Please tell me. If it is something that is upsetting you this much, then I think you should tell me because I know you best bitch. But you don’t have to.” I say with my hand on his shoulder.

Remy looks down clearly contemplating telling me. “Ok then. When D put you in you room and then the day after we found out your door was gone things changed. I have never seen D that pissed. Mal laughed it off but I have never seen D that angry and it was terrifying.”

Oh, shit please don’t say “Don’t tell me that D started to take it out on you.”

“A little. He only beat me a couple times, but he started to hit the wall and other items. Only out of anger. He also began to talk in his sleep and he keeps going on about wanting revenge and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who he was talking about.” Remy says clearly trying to gage my reaction.

This shuts me up quickly. Deceit is pissed that I left and had started to take it out on Remy. If he ever figures out a way to get here, then it would be so bad. He could attack me or even worse he could attack my parents. He could attack Roman just to get me back. I understand Deceit and Mal and they can be vengeful when they want to be, but D can be worse about it when he gets angry. I am terrified, but I have to hide this because it will worry Rem even more than he is already.

“Ok. Remy thank you so much for warning me. I’m sure that it will be ok. My job is protecting and I’m sure I can do that.” I say trying my best to keep my voice steady.

“V you have to be honest. I am aware that you will not only protect me but the rays too. But I am worried about you. You have spent your whole life protecting me and I know for a fact that you do that for them too that you forget to look after yourself. I’m sorry that I have had to tell you this because I can tell you are scared but you have to think about what you are going to do. Because I can’t see you in that state again.” Remy says grabbing and lightly shaking my shoulders. I know that I have to protect myself but if one of the others are in danger then I will protect them before myself in a heartbeat.

“Ok” I say quietly.

_//ONE MONTH LATER//_

Me and Remy have been hanging out a lot recently because I am so happy he is back. I see Patton and Logan a lot too and we see each other quite a lot but I am convinced Roman is mad at me because he is avoiding me. It is upsetting me. I care about Remy, but I love Roman. I was so happy spending time with him all the time and I miss him. I love Roman so much it hurts.

I am currently in the kitchen eating some toast. I am also concentrating on how well Rem can read me because. I was talking to him then he asked me if I was in love with Princey. This is what I get for being close to someone.

So, I am still in the kitchen and then Patton walks in and looks at me clearly concerned. 

“So, kiddo. Are you going to tell me what is wrong?” Patton says raising an eyebrow at me.

“I’m good Dad. Why are you asking?” I ask trying to sound convincing.

Patton then walks over to me and pokes me in between my eyebrows. “Wrinkle.” He says then giggles.

I then frown for real. “I am going to find a way to get my hands-on Botox for that.” I say then we both laugh.

“Ok. So, tell me the truth.” Patton says sitting across from me and looking me in the eyes focusing solely on me.

“Everything has been bitter sweet recently. I am so happy to finally see Remy again, but I feel like Ro has been avoiding me ever since. It is just upsetting I guess.” I say.

“Virgie. I’m gonna let you know something that I am not meant to tell you. Roman thinks that you are avoiding him too. He is upset about this and wants to talk to you but thinks you want you distance from him.” Patton says.

I had no idea that Roman felt that way. “I was feeling the same way honestly.” That is the truth. I was too scared that the fanciful side hates me, so I decided to just stay away. I can’t believe that I made Roman feel like this because it feels terrible. But I guess it is worse for me because I am anxiety and I love Roman and I can tell that he doesn’t love me back.

Patton now puts his hands together on the desk and looks at me. “Son if I were you I would go and talk to Roman.”

“Ok. Thanks dad I’ll go do that now.” Patton then looks at me and nods. 

I then make my way to Romans room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be busy tomorrow and I didn't want to delay this episode so I am putting it out one day early. I hope you enjoy this chapter.


	24. A Long Needed Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out his long time crush Roman thinks that he is ignoring him. Virgil decides to go and talk to him and tell him the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Thank you so much for all of the support on this book it means so much to me. I hope you all like this chapter.

When I get to Roman’s room I hold my fist up to the door and then I hesitate. I know why though. I am terrified that he will hate me or give me a really hard time. I can take insults but if they go to a certain level and Princey knows my limits and I am terrified that he will exploit that.

I then make a choice. I knock on his door and then that is when I hear it. Quiet sobbing. Like someone is trying to hold back tear and failing miserably. My heart shatters into a thousand pieces. I did this. I made Roman cry. This is my fault. I really am a curse.

I then make the choice and go inside the room without permission. “Ro. What’s wrong?”

The man in question then turns around and looks at me. His face is red and puffy and the tears that were pouring out his face are still on his face. “So now you care.” 

“Princey what are you talking about?” I say genuinely confused.

“Don’t pretend that you care about me. Go back to your dark side friend and forget about us little people.” Roman says waving his hand at me.

“Ro. I don’t think that. Never have never will. Please let me explain.” I say trying to get him to listen.

“Ok. But make it snappy.” Roman says clearly angry.

“When I was growing up” I say and that clearly catches his attention. “I was told that you three were the evil ones and would kill and maim me with the push of a button. I was terrified of you guys and coupling that with the fact that I had no idea how to get here I didn’t reach out sooner. I only had Remy for most of my life. I am still having to remind myself of the fact that you guys are not going to hurt me. I also hadn’t seen Remy for ages and I was excited. I also realised how much I enjoyed spending time with you.” I say trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill.

Roman then looks conflicted then thinking about what I just said.

“I never knew that you were told that, and I am sorry that you still have to change your mindset.” Roman says raising his eyebrows. “But then if you enjoyed hanging out with me so much then why have you been avoiding me. You have been ok with Patton and Logan but not me.” 

“I thought you were avoiding me.” I say quietly and Roman looks shocked. “I thought you were mad at me and I didn’t know why. So, I decided to stay away from you to give you some space to work things through. I am sorry that I made the wrong decision. And I am so sorry I made you feel this way.” I can tell that the tears that were in my eyes are escaping.

“No, no. Don’t cry.” Roman says careful and clearly guilty. He then stands up and pulls me into a hug. “I am sorry that I never said anything. If I told you about it, you would not have been as upset by this and that was never my intention. I wanted to give you space too and to handle it on my own, but I just couldn’t do it and it all came down on me today and I couldn’t hold it back. I am sorry you had to see this.” Roman says and by his voice I can tell he is beginning to cry again.

“Oh. Don’t you cry again. I don’t think I can handle it. You sound too much like me.” I say.

“At least you aren’t betraying yourself.” I pull away from the hug and then look at him. That came from nowhere and I am now concerned. 

“I guess I better explain.” I nod and then he sighs and now I am concerned. “I am Thomas’ ego. I am supposed to be confident and full of myself. But sometimes my creativity is a curse and it causes me to think of new and improved ways to hate myself and it hurts. So, I put on a façade of confidence and then hope that I am the only person to see how fake it is. Nobody can see how wrong I am” Roman then starts crying more violently. 

My heart then shatters into a million pieces. Then I can finally see it. Roman is just like me. A bucket full of insecurities and pain except he hides it under a confident mask. Something he needs to know.

“You aren’t wrong. You are allowed to be insecure.” I say, and he looks at me. “By that logic. Papa isn’t allowed to feel any emotions. Patton isn’t allowed to feel upset and I’m not allowed to feel any form of a positive emotion.” Roman looks at me horrified.

“Of course, you all are allowed to feel those things. Why would you not be allowed to feel positive?”

“I am the embodiment of mainly anxiety, but depression has been thrown in there, figure it out.”

Roman looks horrified. I never meant to make him feel worse and that is exactly what I did. But he needs to know and understand.

“Of course, you can feel those things. But it is different for m-“Roman says then I cut him off.

“How is it any different. You have helped me so much over the past few months and you have no idea the magnitude of the change you made. Just for once. Let me help you.” I say while clutching his shoulders and tears start anew and pour down his face as his head hangs low.

I drop my hands from his shoulders and then he tucks his head in the crook of shoulder and then he starts sobbing. I feel like I need to say something to see it from my perspective.

“I’m sorry to have told you this but you need to see. I have always thought that nobody could love me or even like me and I was thought I was not allowed to care about other people.”

“Of course, people love you. I understand why. How about this I can’t promise that I won’t think like this and I know that you know this better than anyone. I will tell you about this kind of thing if you answer one question for me.” Roman stays still with his head on my shoulder.

“Of course. What do you want to ask?” I say honestly scared, but I would answer whatever he needs me to because I have to help him the way he helped me. My heart hurts too much to see him like this.

“Why do you care so much? I understand that we spent a lot of time around each other but it just feels like there is something beneath the surface. Please be honest with me I need to know.” Roman says and my heart stops.

I know that I need to tell the truth, but it is my secret. I have told Roman so much and it is one of the few things I have kept to myself. But I know what he needs and that is the truth. I know I have no choice and it is one of the most terrifying things I will ever have to say, and I know I am setting myself up for rejection that I am not sure I would be able to take.

“Ok. I’ll tell you the truth. The reason is…” 

I say then Ro looks at me. I take a deep breath. 4…7…8. I can do this.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for adding this chapter a day early. Tomorrow I will have no access to my laptop and that is where I write, save and upload this so for this week it is coming out on a Friday because I would prefer for this to come out a day early then a day late.


	25. After the Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil just told Roman how he feels. It was such a big secret for so long and now it is out in the open. Now he has to deal with Roman's reaction to this startling fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok here is the chapter I am guessing you all have been waiting for. This is the aftermath of Virgil's confession. I hope you enjoy.

Roman sits where he was wide eyed staring at me clearly shocked. That is when it hits me.

He doesn’t share my feelings.

My feelings are unrequited.

This is a kind of pain I have never felt.

I don’t regret telling him because that was what he needed to hear from me. The unfiltered truth. But that doesn’t mean that it hurts like hell that Roman will now avoid and hate me because I have fallen in love with him. 

I can feel tears coming to my eyes at this revelation. It hurts too much to bear. I was doing so well too. I can feel my breathing quicken. 

“I’m sorry. I can clearly see that you don’t feel the same way as me. I’ll ju-just go.” I say heartbroken and then I get up to leave Roman’s room planning to go to my room and cry out the pain I am feeling.

When I get to the bedroom door to leave all of a sudden, I feel someone grabbing my hand from behind. I panic at the sudden contact and then I feel myself being turned around by the person who grabbed me.

When I look around I see Roman looking at me with tears in his eyes and clearly flustered.

“Please don’t go.” Roman says and he pulls me back into his room. I go with him.

Roman then sits me in the middle of his bed clearly to tell me that he never wants to see me again. When he sits opposite me on the bed and he sits with his back facing the top of his bed. He then takes my hands and looks me dead in the eyes.

“I’m sorry that I upset you with my reaction.” Roman says with tears in his eyes. “I was just surprised. I was expecting you to say that you thought it was right. When someone tells you, they love you it can be a negative thing but if you love that person then it is special. You never expect it would happen to you. But when it does it is shocking but in the best way. That is what just happened to me.”

I am shocked. Did he just insinuate that he loves me?

“Are you saying that…” I start before Roman cuts me off.

“Yes Virgil. I love you.” Roman says before cupping my cheek. 

He is smiling lovingly at me. I am crying tears of happiness at what he just said.

He loves me back. I am so happy.

I need to ask him something. “Ro. Can I kiss you?” 

Roman then nods and leans forward towards me.

When our lips connect I can feel my heart begin to beat faster. I am so happy. This is a feeling I never thought I would ever get to feel. To love and to be loved back. As mine and Roman’s lips keep moving in tandem as I sigh and lean deeper into the kiss. Then Roman wraps his arms around me and I soon follow to try and get closer. 

I am finally at peace. The negative emotions and thoughts that constantly swirl around my brain have ceased while I am kissing the man I have loved for a while. 

When we pull away we look into each other’s eyes. He bites his lip looking deep into my eyes.

“I love you so much.” Roman says before leaning forward and even though he was going to kiss me again he actually started to kiss down my neck. Then he pushes me down on the bed and straddles my hips.

“You’re so beautiful.” Roman says. 

I can tell what he wants. I can’t give that to him though. I’m just not comfortable yet. I just have no idea how to tell him.

However Roman seems to see the fact that I am not responding.

“Virge. What’s wrong?” Roman says looking at me worried.

“I love you. But I’m just not comfortable with this.” I say feeling guilty that I am making him stop. He clearly wants to do this, but I just can’t. Where are my fucking manners?

Roman then wipes my face to clean the tears that I didn’t know were there. “It’s ok. I should have remembered that you are anxiety and we aren’t even together yet. I love you too. I’m sorry for trying to rush this.” 

“It’s ok.” I say and then I kiss him again.

Then he pulls away from me.

“Virgil. You know I love you. Will you be my boyfriend?” Roman says cupping my cheek.

“Yes”

Then our lips connect again and I am so happy with the way things turned out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW WAS THAT THEN!!!!!!!! I am the writer and I have known since before I started writing this that they would get together but it is still so satisfying to write and I am so happy.


	26. Telling the others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Roman told Virgil that he also loves him they are left with how do they tell their fellow sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the support I have received and you all have no idea how much this all means to me and I hope that you all enjoy this chapter.

Me and Roman stay like that for a while. This is better then I ever could have thought it would be. I have been pining for so long and now I finally know that the anxiety I have held over wasn’t needed. Even though I was always going to worry because well no explanation needed.

Mine and Roman’s lips keep connecting and disconnecting in a passionate kiss. I have no anxiety and no negative thoughts that are normally swirling around my head. I know that Roman won’t do anything that I am not comfortable with and I know I am loved and protected.

When we stop kissing, we just hold each other. Just enjoying the other person’s company and the joy of our new relationship. This is one of the best feelings in the world.

“About time.” 

Me and Roman’s heads shoot up to the voice. Startled that we had been caught like this because we were not expecting someone to be there. However, it is fine because it is only Patton. He looks a new kind of thrilled.

“Finally, kiddo’s I am so happy.” He says clapping his hands together like a child.

“You knew.” Roman says startled. I have to agree.

“When both of you came to me for help about if the other one likes you then you figure it out pretty quick.” The moral side says giggling.

We both look like we had a major moment of realisation. Of course, Roman went to Patton who knows emotions the best out of everyone. 

“I will admit I did find it sweet that Virgil had no idea what was going on with him. Roman knew clearly what was going on. While Virgil had no clue and while funny it was adorable.” Patton says patting my head.

“HEY!” I say because that is not something Roman needed to know and the fanciful side is laughing so hard, he will get a six pack off it.

“I’m your dad son. It is my job to embarrass you kiddo.” Patton swinging one hand over my shoulder and ruffling my hair with his knuckle. A push him off me.

“Get off me.” I say.

Roman’s laughing has been reduced to giggles.

“Virge have you met him. You should have known that this would happen.” Roman says. Before he presses a light kiss to my cheek.

“Kiddo’s I’ll leave you to finish this moment. I am really sorry for interrupting this moment. Well I am sorry for Virgil not Roman. Come out when you are ready.” Patton says giggling like a hyena out of Lion King.

“When Patton and Logan got together, I did the same thing he just did. Because they both came to me. So, I embarrassed them and made a fuss out of it. So, this was revenge. He is sorry because you weren’t there for that.” Roman says with an arm around my shoulder. He the presses a kiss to the top of my head.

“Maybe we should go down there. I don’t think that Patton will stop acting like a kid on Christmas that has had too much sugar if we don’t go.” I say cuddling into him again.

“Yeah let’s go babe.” Roman says trying the pet name. My face turns crimson. I’ve never really had anyone call me that.

Roman then takes my hand and leads me out the room. We slowly walk downstairs, and my heart is beating out my chest. I am anxious. I know there is nothing to be concerned about I know that nothing will go wrong, and they will be ok. But I just have a feeling in my gut that something will go wrong. Maybe not now but sometime soon. My gut feelings are different to my normal worrying. My gut feelings are never wrong. I know something will go wrong sooner or later. I put that thought out my mind and focus on telling the others about my new relationship.

When we get downstairs Roman can clearly tell that I am anxious because he is kissing me again.

“You know it will be alright right. You saw Patton’s reaction.” Roman says rubbing soothing circles into my hand.

“I know. I just have a gut feeling. Not about this but something.” I say so quietly I’m not sure if he heard me. But he did.

“We can cross that bridge when we come to it. I love you Virge.” Roman says using the same volume I was just using.

“I love you too.” We peck each other’s lips and enter the common room.

“Hey girls.” Remy says noticing us when we walk into the room. This is when Patton and Logan look up.

Logan and Remy’s eyes immediately go to our joined hands and I am pretty sure that Patton will begin to vibrate from the excitement from the situation.

“Hey guys. Uhm we have something to tell you.” I say because now I am really nervous.

“Yes. What is it?” Logan says with his eyes narrowing.

“Me and Virgil are dating.” Roman says.

“Finally,” Logan says leaning back in his chair.

“Yay. I’m so happy for you.” Remy says looking thrilled.

“So you knew then.” Roman says not even surprised and I have to say that I’m not either.

“Patton told me.”

“I figure it out.” Say Logan then Remy.

“Ok. Are you guys ok with it?” I say.

“Of course, girl. This is cool with me.” Remy says. Playfully punching me in the shoulder.

“Yes, son this is fine by me.” Logan says.

“A dark side with a ray this is new honestly.” Remy says, and I slightly want to punch him.

“Ray. What the hell is a ray? Is that me?” Roman says looking backwards and forwards between me Remy and my parents also look confused.

I answer. “Ray is dark side slang. It is a short version of ‘ray of sunshine’ so it is the three of you.”

“Ok that makes sense.” Logan says. “I guess that it is not derogatory, or you guys would not be using it.”

“If it was, I wouldn’t use it, but Remy would because he wouldn’t realise it was derogatory.” I say looking at him.

The side in question then bursts out into laughter and then nods. “Your right their V.” Then he gives me a high five.

“Things are finally working out aren’t they guys.” Roman says kissing me on the temple.

“Yeah the writer has finally given us a break then.” Patton says beaming.

“I know right. This was a long time coming.” I say.

“Girls what in the stars are you two talking about?” Remy says looking between the two of us.

“Remy just ignore the weird part and move on.” Logan says patting his shoulder.

“Lets just watch a movie. I really want to.” Roman says.

And that is exactly what they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and feel free to leave all thoughts in the comments below.


	27. The Gut Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gut feeling Virgil has been having is getting worse by the day and it is actually effecting his health. However a couple of sides see him in the common room struggling to get his thoughts out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and you all have no idea how much your positive reaction to every single update means to me so thank you very much.

So, it has been a week since the movie night and my mental state should’ve have improved. I’m anxiety I know this kind of thing. 

However, the gut feeling I had hasn’t gone away. It has gotten worse. It is keeping me up at night. I haven’t eaten in a while too. The feeling is bordering on painful. It is the only thing that is going on with me and I don’t know for certain what it about. But I have an idea of what it could be. 

Deceit.

Remy said that Deceit was pissed ever since I got out of there. It is something that I am pretty sure is what is worrying me. I am so aware that I am in danger is Deceit ever finds the way to get here. Let’s also say that is if Deceit gets here, I will not be the only person in trouble.

I am currently sitting in the common room and I am frantically playing with a fidget cube. Just trying to get these thoughts out my mind. It helps calm me. I also have my headphones on to block out the world. These two things combined means I don’t notice the door to the common room open.

Then I see someone waving in my direction. So, I put the fidget cube down and take off the headphones. However, what I didn’t anticipate is the fact that there is two people. And after that I didn’t anticipate the two people it would be.

Patton and Remy are standing in front of me and they are looking very concerned at me. 

“Kiddo. Are you ok?” Patton says sitting down next to me and then Remy sits on the other side of me.

“Yeah. I’m good. What were you two doing?” I say trying to deflect the questions off me.

“Me and your dad were just having a chat that is all. Yes, I am aware that it is 7am and I am normally sleeping by now, but you know I can tell when people are sleeping, and I know that you haven’t slept all night.” Remy says with a knowing look in his eyes.

“So” I say. It really isn’t a problem because I have done this before.

“Kiddo you can’t keep doing this and I know you have done this before and then you pretend that nothing is wrong. Your eye shadow is really dark son.” Patton says.

“I’m not wearing eyeshadow.” I say confused. Do I look that tired?

“Oof.” Remy says. “Listen V. You have been acting slightly off ever since I got here. Do you need me to leave? Because I will if I have to.”

“NO.” Remy and Patton both jump out their skin. “Rem it isn’t you at all. It is what you said.”

Patton looks confused and Remy has a moment of realisation.

“It was what I said about Deceit isn’t it.” I nod, and Patton looks confused. This is when Remy explains what he said. But he leaves out what happened before I got here, and I am so grateful.

“Oh kiddo. So, you are anxious about Deceit.” Patton says.

I shake my head. “Not quite. It started like that. But recently I have been having a gut feeling that something is going to go wrong, and it is only getting worse.”

Patton looks concerned for me and Remy looks terrified. “Remy why do you look so scared.”

“Virgil has had many gut feelings and he is never wrong. And it is always bad. The fact that it is this bad for him to means that it is going to be really bad.” Remy says looking back at Patton who also looks terrified now.

“So, I am to assume that we should be on guard for a little while then.” Patton says looking at me.

“Yeah. Roman has known since we got together. But he just thinks I am being anxious, and he doesn’t realise that this is different. Papa has no idea.” I say wrapping my arms around myself.

This is when Patton wraps his arms around me. His paternal instincts kicking in and his heart breaking at seeing his baby suffering like this.

“Patton please in the morning please tell Logan. Explain this whole situation and what this means. In the morning I will go to Roman and explain the gravity of this. Virgil you know what is going to happen.” Remy says. He acts so immature most of the time but when the situation calls for it then he can be more mature than Logan. 

“Ok. But why are we waiting until morning. If it is as bad as you think it is then why are we not telling them right now.” Patton says now rubbing a soothing hand up my arm.

“Because Deceit is a night owl. When he sleeps nothing is waking him up and well, he is always asleep by now so we are safe at least until the morning.” I say tiredly.

“Ok.” Patton says.

“Ok. So, Patton do you mind if Virgil stays in your room tonight. It’s really not good for him to be in his room right now.” Remy says looking directly into Patton’s eyes.

Remy knows that I have trouble verbalising my thoughts when I get this overwhelmed. And this feeling is borderline painful. This mixed with a lack of sleep is a painful combination. And Remy knows this. From experience.

“Ok. But how do we know that he will be able to sleep even with the positivity surrounding my room. He needs sleep more than anything.” The moral side says still trying to calm me down.

“I have something that can work. As the embodiment of sleep, I can make people fall asleep using a power I have.” The sleepy side says quietly so not to startle me. It can lead straight to a panic attack.

“Would Virgil be ok with this on a normal day.” Patton says clearly concerned for his child’s feelings during all of this.

“Normally he gets angry when I do this. But … “He quickly adds after seeing the death glare being shot at him by the father figure, “me and Virgil talked about this when sleep problems and these gut feeling happened more often. He gave me permission to put him to sleep when he misses so much sleep it is interfering with his job and that can be for any reason. So yes, I am allowed to and I know Virgil would be angry with me if I didn’t do this for him.”

I then look up at Patton. “He’s right I would.” In a quiet voice.

That seems to settle things. I tune out just as I feel myself being lifted into a pair of arms. I can tell its dad from the gentle kiss on the top of my head. From the gentle sway I can tell that he is walking clearly carrying me to his room to sleep. Remy leading the way to open doors for the moral side who clearly has his hands full. I then feel myself being placed onto a comfortable surface which I am assuming is Patton’s bed before I feel a warm hand press against my forehead as sleep over takes me.

However, what none of us noticed was Logan watching Patton and Remy taking me into the moral sides room.


	28. Talking about the Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil wakes up after being put to sleep by Remy after a full nights sleep. It is time to talk about what has been wrong with the anxious side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 300 KUDO'S YOU ALL ARE AMAZING. You all have been so awesome and thank you for supporting me and I really hope that you like this chapter.

When I wakes up, I immediately feels better than I did the night before. My sleep deprivation has lessoned up a little bit because I had a full night’s sleep for the first time in months. However, I can still tell that something is off. I can sense anxiety coming from the common room and that wakes me up really fast.

I need to see what is going on, so I can help. I need to see what the situation is. I am in pyjamas that must have come from my room because they are black plaid pyjama bottoms and a T-Shirt that has my symbol on it and nobody other than Patton and Remy has seen me in my pyjamas but I guess that now they will.

I get out of Patton’s incredibly comfortable bed to go downstairs to the common room. However, I get really nervous as I normally would be in a situation like this.

I walk hesitantly down the stairs while trying to look into the common room to see what is going on. I can hear that some voices are raised but I can’t here the response from the other person and this means that the other side isn’t shouting. The anxious side slowly opens the door but only a peek to make sure that everything is ok to go inside the room because I can’t handle violence at all.

I see Patton and Logan having an argument while Roman looks very confused and concerned while Remy looks guilty. 

“How can you be keeping something from me. I’m your husband.” Logan says about to go red in the face from rage.

“I’m not saying anything because I don’t want to talk about it without the person this is really about, and this is our son.” Patton says clearly about to get angry. And Patton angry is terrifying and I would know.

“Then let’s wake him up and talk about it then. It is 2pm I am surprised that you have let him sleep this long that he missed lunch.” Logan says. It’s 2pm I have never slept that much before. I feel guilty that I am the cause of this argument.

“Logan.” Remy says sounding unusually serious and quiet. “I used my power on him. He was so sleep deprived he could barely stand, and he needs to wake up on his own and it will be bad if he doesn’t and you can wake him up so please be quiet.”

Logan nods at this. Because the need of a goodnights sleep is something that he can understand. This is when Roman looks at the door and see’s me there and his eyes immediately warm up. I nod at him and give him a nervous smile.

“Lets just wait for Virgil to get up and then we can talk about this.” Logan says quieter than before.

The fanciful side shoots one more looks at me before saying. “We don’t have to wait. He is at the door right now.”

Everyone looks at the door at the same time. Remy looks surprised. Patton looks upset. And Logan looks guilty. I open the door just enough for me to fit through and enter the common room. I keep my head down because I am a little embarrassed that they are fighting over what happened last night.

“Morning” I say quieter then I usually talk. It is the only way I can prevent my voice from distorting. 

“Morning. But V shouldn’t you be sleeping still.” Remy says looking confused and Logan looks guiltier than he did before.

“No, it’s ok. I woke up on my own and felt anxious energy down here, so I came down.” I practically mumble, and they look like the all forgot I could tell when someone is anxious.

“Ok. Well kiddo lets explain.” Patton says coming over to me before leading me to the couch to sit down.

Me, Patton and Remy explain everything that happened last night. From me waking up to after I go to sleep. Apparently, Patton just stayed in the same bed as me. Of course, nothing happened because well I am his child. But before that Remy and Patton talked about what to do to make the next little while a little easier for me. And Roman and Logan look shocked.

“I mean you told me you were having a gut feeling, but you said it wasn’t too bad.” Roman says looking at Virgil like he had grown an extra eye.

“Wait. So, I am the only person not to know about this.” Logan says looking offended.

“I told Roman when it was only tiny and not a problem at all. I thought it would happen soon and I wouldn’t have to tell anyone else. Then it started to get worse and I decided that it would be best to deal with it on my own. Remy and dad found out on their own, so it was nothing against you at all. It is just the way it happened to be.” I explain, and this seems to calm the logical side at least a little.

“Why did you feel like you needed to hide this?” Roman says looking heart broken.

“Because I didn’t want to worry anyone.” I say defeatedly.

“Love you can’t keep doing this.” Roman says looking upset.

I then feel really guilty. “I’m sorry.” I say beginning to feel tears press against the back of my eyes.

Roman then walks over to me. Remy then moves to stand so Roman can sit next to me and pull me into an embrace and every so often he presses a gentle kiss to my head.

“Virgil, I know you don’t want me to say this right now because I’m not sure if two people in this room know but I need to ask.” Logan says, and this scares me because I know what he is about to ask. “Have you done it? You know.” 

Patton looks confused while Remy, Roman and Logan look at me expecting me to answer. 

I nod. And the three-look horrified, and Patton looks even more confused.

“Patton, I feel like I should explain. Papa was asking me whether the way I have been feeling has caused me to self-harm or not.” I say looking at Patton and he looks like he is about to cry.

“How do you three know?” Patton says trying to think about it 

“Papa figured it out and Roman and Remy caught me doing it.” I explain. “After some quick math 5 years after I was born, I aged up to an adult and that was when things went from bad to terrible. But that was when I realised that I was also depression and that was when I began to feel the urge to self-harm and duck out. I just resisted it to a degree. I began to self-harm 4 months later. Remy found me doing it soon after.”

“I just can’t believe that you have been doing this the whole time and I haven’t noticed anything.” Patton says before putting his head in his hands.

“Actually it’s not your fault.” Logan says which surprises everyone because they were expecting me. “Remy and Roman failed to figure it out too they just happened to walk into Virgil’s room at the time he was doing … it. While I hold Thomas’ knowledge and when he was a teenager and he began to show signs of anxiety he did extensive research so I knew what to look for.”

That seems off to me. While Thomas went on an extensive mental health binge research time. He only looked up anxiety. Not depression. So how does Logan know as much as he does.

“Ok” Patton says quietly.

“So, me and Patt were talking and I think we need to make sure V does as little as possible.” Remy says trying his best to change the subject. “And we need to do everything we can to make sure that everything is as stress less as possible for him or it will be a thousand times worse. Roman and Virgil having a fight over something that happened last week really didn’t help guys.”

“I think it actually made it worse.” I say because it just feels like it just started something big that I can’t quite put my finger on.

“Ok. So, Virgil go and get some more sleep and I’ll bring you some more breakfast when you wake up kiddo.” Patton says wiping away the tears that managed to escape.

So, I go to my own bed to try and get some more sleep. I’m not successful in this however. Then I feel the particular tug of me being summoned to the real world to talk to Thomas. I know this is a video day. 

It is most likely to with the staged reading for Joan that Thomas didn’t go to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you can tell what is happening next chapter.


	29. The Villain Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit finally makes his appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that this is a day early but I am busy tomorrow and this is a big chapter.  
> I am well aware that you all will kinda hate me after this so you have been warned.

Something is wrong with Patton in this video. And nobody else seems to notice. 

He keeps getting titles wrong (friendo), wearing his cardigan instead of his hoodie, talked about the fake hamster dying very strange, knowing about philosophers, asking to be director when Patton would be happy with whatever role Roman gave him, popping up instead of sinking up. And one other fact really sealed it for me. He is not wearing his wedding ring. Even in the video’s he wears it people just haven’t noticed yet. And if Patton let Remy take his place, he would at least have the hoodie and the ring because he would know about this.

So, this makes me realise what is going on here. Either Deceit or Mal has taken dad’s place. However mal would not be able to stay in that place and control everything so that means one thing. Deceit is here.

When Thomas decides to tell the truth to Joan that is when Deceit stops trying.

“Wow I’m so proud of you Thomas, you’re so mature.”

“Thank you” Thomas says hesitantly.

“I knew something smelt fishy here”

“I also smell it. I told Thomas to take the trash out.”

“I – It does smell bad, but I was talking about Patton.”

“Oh, you mean how he is clearly…” The rest of Logan’s words are muffled as ‘Patton’ flicks his wrist and Logan’s hand covers his mouth to silence him. An action I have been on the receiving end of multiple times.

“Ooh I get it now.”

“I don’t what is happening”

“You have to give us permission first.”

“There are sides to everyone that they prefer not to know about, but you are the boss Thomas, any information you want to know you can know you just have to be open to hearing it.”

“In other words. Would you like to learn something new about yourself Thomas?”

Logan nods vigorously.

“I don’t know.”

“Ooh I don’t know either Thomas. You might not like what you find.”

“Ugh fine tell me.”

Logan’s hand flies off his mouth and he points at ‘Patton’ and screams “DECEIT”

And the face of Deceit appears where the image of my dad once stood. And he is looking directly at me. And I am so angry and scared at the same time it is almost unbearable.

_//8 minutes later//_

When I pop up in the mindscape. I feel myself to panic. 

The other 4 notice me on the couch curled up clutching my hair. With hitching breaths. 

Remy immediately runs over to me and calms me down.

“Is he ok.” Roman says.

“Yeah. Give him a minute then he will be ok.” Remy says.

They all nod and look at me. All waiting for me to calm down enough for me to talk. It takes a while, but I eventually get there.

“This can’t be happening. I thought I was safe.” I say in a squeaky voice.

“It’s ok. It’s ok.” Remy says rubbing my back.

Roman then rushes over and sits on the other side of me. He doesn’t pull me into his arms, but he does run his hand through my hair knowing that this calms me down.

“Since Roman is with you, I’ll go and grab you a bottle of water. I’ll be back soon.” Remy says before leaving the room.

“The feeling it hasn’t gone away. It should have gone away even this soon after. But it is still there.” I say, and this is not good.

“That’s not good.” Roman says.

“Ok. It is more important now than ever to make sure to keep our eyes open.” Logan says wrapping his arm around his husbands’ shoulder.

“Yeah we do kiddos. Since Deceit has showed himself to Thomas he can appear here at will. This mixed with the gut feeling means that something bad is going to happen.” Patton says clearly scared.

“You _couldn’t_ say that.”

This is the voice that all 4 of us hear before all of us feel a strong pull as we are pinned against the back wall unable to move. Before all 4 of us have our hands slapped across our mouths keeping us silent.

That is when we all see Deceit standing in front of us with a giant smirk across his face.

“Hello again little one _bad_ to see you again.” Deceit says before walking over to me and cupping his hand on my cheek looking into my eyes.

“Did you really think you _couldn’t_ get away from me. Well you were _right_.” Deceit says in a quitter voice because he is standing right in front of me. 

This is when he punches me in the gut. I would’ve cried out in pain if the hand wasn’t silencing me. The others can’t directly see me, but I can tell that they are scared and a little angry. Probably from what Deceit just did.

“However, that _is_ the reason I am here today.” Deceit says moving away from me.

“What I did to little Virgie _did_ cause grievous physical harm. However, when you _don’t_.” Deceit says giving a sinister chuckle. “We _haven’t_ got to take vengeance.”

“Patton after what you _didn’t_ do.” Deceit says glaring at Patton who gets even more anxious than he did before. I can sense it and the others do but on a smaller scale. What the hell is the lying side talking about.

“The vengeance _doesn’t_ need to be severe.” Deceit says with the glare on his face growing larger.

“I’m _not_ killing two birds with one stone.” Deceit says.

This is when the magic holding me to the wall comes off me and I drop to my knees on the floor. But the other three are still pinned to the wall. Whatever Deceit is planning it involves me.

Deceit pulls me forward and holds on to me and forces me to look at the other three. They all have a terrified look in their eyes. And I can feel it irradiating off them.

Deceit then pushes me to the ground and my body is pinned there with my arms on either side of my head. But my mouth and head are free. This is normal for the lying side. It means he wants to hear me scream.

“Don’t worry little one. This _won’t_ be over soon.” Deceit says before sitting on my hips. He then pulls something out of his trouser pocket.

I scream at the top of my lungs as Deceit’s dagger pierces my flesh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about that.


	30. The Stabbing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has just been stabbed by Deceit in front of the three light sides. But Remy is still nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - BLOOD, DAGGER.
> 
> I am so sorry.

I scream at the top of my lungs as Deceit’s dagger pierces my chest. It is still in there for a couple moments. Then he pulls the dagger out of me and stabs me again.

He does this again, and again, and again. Even in my agony I can feel the fear radiating off the other three sides still trapped against the wall mute. Then all of a sudden as Deceit stabs me for the 10th time I feel a 4th feeling of fear.

“Holy shit.” I hear from the door after feeling a thud. “Stop Dee STOP!!!” Remy screams at Deceit grabbing his arm before he can yank the dagger out if my torso.

“Inny. How _terrible_ to see you again. You _don’t_ want me to stop. I’m _sure_ after you left too. “Deceit pretends to be in deep thought. “You know. I _won’t_ stop now. The damage _hasn’t_ already been done.”

Deceit then stands up but leaves me in the same state with the dagger still protruding out of my chest. Remy scrambles to my side and takes my hand. Deceit then points at the three men still stuck to the wall.

“I _won’t_ let you talk now. However, you _will_ be able to move away from the wall until this _isn’t_ over.” Deceit says with a smirk clear on his face, but I can’t see it from my angle on the floor. Before he sinks out to his room.

My parents and my boyfriends hands fall from their mouths and they try to move from the wall but are unable to.

“Are y-you guys ok?” I say in a weak voice.

“Babe don’t worry about us right now.” Roman says in a voice that screams terrified.

“V look at me for a second. You know what I need to do right now.” I nod, “Ok on the count of three. One, two, three.” Remy says before pulling the dagger out of my chest earning another scream from me.

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” Logan screams. “The dagger would prevent blood loss.”

“Bit late … for that.” I say in a timid voice as I twitch a little. Only Remy notices as he pulls me into his arms with my back against his torso and with my face towards the others.

“What did Deceit mean when this is all over?” Patton says in a quiet voice.

“He means – when I am – dead.” I say struggling to get the words together in the right way.

“But you won’t die. Ok. It’s not gonna happen.” Roman says beginning to look frantic. And I can tell the other two are as well.

“Deceit can’t give those optional situations to his power unless the outcome he said is almost certain.” Remy says in an unusually serious and melancholy tone.

“Almost though. He has a chance.” Logan says looking at me.

I begin to violently twitch again.

“Son. Why are you twitching?” Patton asks.

Papa then answers. “It is something the body does when it is…” He says staring off in his tone like giving off information to drifting off.

“When it is what?” Roman says.

“When it is shutting down. In other words when the person is dying.” Logan says with tears falling down his cheeks. The other three in the room follow suit.

“Hey … It’s ok.” I say with my twitching getting more violent.

“NO! It not. You can’t do this.” Roman says sobbing.

“What can … we do to stop this … now?” I say. As my breathing begins to slow and my eyes feel heavy.

“Keep your eyes open ok kiddo. Just keep your eyes open. Ok.” Patton says frantically, and I slowly nod. This makes me feel light headed.

“Son. I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I’m sorry.” Patton says.

“This is not your fault Patton. Deceit would have done this anyway. What happened was just his excuse.

“Virge. VIRGE!” Roman shouts. They all look to me as my eyes close.

“I love … you all.” I say in a quiet voice that I barely audible.

Everything tunes out and movements and sounds become foreign to me and unable to be felt. However, I can hear frantic noises and Remy begins to shake me.

This is as my body goes limp and my breathing slows to a stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I just did that. And no that is not Virgil holding his breath. I formally apologise for the feelings hurt. However if you want to keep reading because there is more that will be learned in the future.


	31. The Death of Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has just been murdered by Deceit with the people closet to him. This is what happened after his death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about last chapter and for this one too.
> 
> Most of the time I have been using Virgil as my POV and now I have decided against using Logan as my new POV again because I had a hard time using him before so after a lot of thought between Patton and Roman I decided to use Roman as my new POV. I hope you enjoy it.

I am still stuck to the wall as Remy looks over the limp body of Virgil. He leans his head against his chest, then holds his hand under his nose before finally checking his pulse at the neck. His eyes then widen as he places a nearby blanket over my boyfriends’ lifeless body, picking up his body and carrying it away. It then becomes clear to me. 

Virgil is dead.

The tears that I was holding behind my eyes finally fall as the realisation kicks in that I will never see his smirk again. I will never hear him laugh or hear his sarcasm again. I can hear Patton cry too.

When Remy comes back from the room holding just a blanket with a sad look in his eyes. 

This is when the magic holding all three of us to the wall wears off and all three of us collapse to the floor. Except I can’t bring myself to move as sobs overtake me. I can’t even fathom the thought that crosses my mind. I love Virgil so much even in the short time we have been together. I realised my love for him when he comforted me after I felt guilty for saying some horrible things to him. I felt my heart swell and I knew that I was head over heels for him.

Now I will never see him outside of my mind’s eye. The memories I have of the man I love will be all I have left moving forward.

Logan and Patton are also sobbing however Patton’s is louder and easier to see.

However he is the most emotional than the rest of us and Deceit did say that he did it because of when Patton did … well lets not talk about it for now.

Remy then walks over to me and starts to rub my back as an attempt to comfort.

“There’s something I need to say.” Remy says taking a breath about to start again before Logan interrupts.

“Remy please not now. Tell us later ok.” Logan says through tears. Remy looks at Logan because it is the first time that he has seen the logical side cry.

“I think I am just going to go to my room for a little bit.” I say getting up and going to my room. 

When I get there, I sink down on the other side of the door and cry until the tears no longer come to me. How the hell am I going to move on from him.

What the hell am I going to do.

_//ONE DAY LATER//_

I’m still in my room. I just haven’t had the energy to do anything. I just can’t do anything.

Not even eat. 

All I have the energy to do is go to the toilet, cry and think. I can only think about Virgil. 

The smirk that was ever present on his face. 

The playful banter we had.

The way he comforted me in my lowest moments.

How warm his embrace was.

The way any pain I felt washed away in his arms.

The breathy sound he made whenever we kissed.

However, it is not only the positive things that ping to mind I also lie down remembering all of the negative things that happened.

The undeserved hatred that I placed on him at the beginning.

The look in his eyes when I shouted at him.

The guilt that overcame me.

The look of his arms without the hoodie sleeves hiding them away.

The jealousy I felt when Remy first appeared.

The pain I felt when I thought he had fallen in love with Remy.

The look of fear in his eyes when Deceit forced him to look at us.

His piercing screams when Deceits dagger was thrust into his chest.

The empty look in his eyes when he was leaving us.

I have had to think about all of this over the whole day. The pain I am feeling is a searing pain that I don’t think that will ever fade. I just lost the man I love. When I formed, I always assumed that I would be person to find true love and live happily ever after. Instead Patton and Logan have the ending I always thought I would have. And when I find someone, I love I don’t get to spend long at all in his loving embrace before he is ripped away in the cruellest way possible.

I can never be truly happy. But I have known for a while that fate hates me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it as much as you could.


	32. Grieving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is still grieving for the loss of the anxious side and Roman finally leaves his room due to his need for food. This is when he runs into Logan who begins to question something that happened on the day his son died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

I am still on the floor crying over the death of the man that I love with my whole soul. I haven’t left my room since I entered it and I still have no intention of leaving.

However, this is until my stomach rumbles and I realise that I am hungry. I need to get food, but I have no intention of leaving my room. But I have to do leave in order to get the food. I know that if Virgil were here then he would come into my room anyway and check on me before going to get me food before watching me eat it. I need to get up and eat but I really don’t want to talk to anyone else right now.

I pull the blanket around myself and slowly walk down the stairs to the kitchen. I don’t see anyone there. So, I move a bit quicker and make myself a sandwich because I still feel sick from the blood. Oh, my lord all that blood.

This is when I hear someone coming down the stairs.

I look up and move my hand to the sharp knife that is next to me that I used to cut my sandwich. While I don’t pick it up, I have my hand on it. I can’t let what happened to the anxious side happen to me.

When I tell the person, who was walking to me through the corridor has stopped my paranoia takes over me and I pick up the knife and I point it at the side at the door expecting it to be Deceit.

“Wow. Roman please calm down it’s just me.” The side says.

That is when I realise that it is not Deceit. It is Logan. 

“Hey Roman. I’m glad to see you out of your room.” Logan says but his voice sounds even more monotone than he did before.

“How are you holding up?” I say.

“I’ve been doing better than you and Pat.” Logan says looking at me but clearly not judging.

“Yeah. Sorry I haven’t left my room for a while.”

“No. It’s completely fine. You are holding up better than Patton. And you are allowed to grieve.” Logan says putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah. Blaming Padre for what he decided to do is fucked up.”

It really was fucked up. Logan realised what really happened a couple months ago and while you could argue that Patton is to blame for what happened to _him_ he is not the only reason and what happened gives Deceit no right to stab his son to death right in front of him. I can’t imagine the guilt he must be going through.

“Yeah. He has not been holding up too well especially with what Deceit said. He is feeling really guilty. I haven’t seen him this bad since Virgil was kidnapped and I even think that this is worse than he was when that happened and we both saw what state he was in.” Logan says sounding monotone like he is stating facts however I can see past his façade.

Patton was a wreck when Virgil was kidnapped. He didn’t leave his bed for a while and he only cried and slept. He did eat but he really didn’t do it much. Logan was constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown and I was the person trying to keep them together because I was the only person that did not have that big of an emotional connection to the pudgy faced infant. But now I have built an emotional connection to the anxious side which is clear with my excessive time pining over him. I haven’t had the strength to even leave his room so clearly Logan is trying to be the strong one even though Virgil was just killed right in front of him and that was his son too and he loved his son.

“Yeah. I can’t image that.” I say realising something. “Ok so this time please don’t avoid my question. How are you holding up?”

“Not good honestly.” Logan says sounding upset. “I have been trying to hold strong for you and Patton, but he was my son too. I loved him. Now he is dead. I can’t let myself cry because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop crying.”

“Let it out Lo. Let it out.” 

I pull Logan into my arms as he starts sobbing on my shoulder. I feel so bad that I feel like I forced him to feel like he has to be strong for us even though he is hurting too. I will never understand the pain he is going through.

“It’s ok Lo, everything will be ok in the end.” I say not quite believing it myself, but I am trying to say anything that will help cheer him up.

Logan eventually stops crying but I can tell that he is tired, but he is refusing to fall asleep on me. I feel so bad for the poor man. This is when we hear someone else coming down the stairs and this puts both of us on edge with my arm around Logan’s shoulder we both look to the stairs and we are a little surprised to see Patton walking down the stairs with his shoulders hunched and his head hanging low as his sad eyes with rings of red around them looking at the both of us.

“Hey kiddos.” The moral side says not even trying to hide the negative feelings he is feeling which is how you know that he is really upset. 

“Hi. How are you babe?” Logan says getting up and walking away from me before wrapping his arms around his husband.

This hurts my heart because this is something that I have wanted my entire existence as I am the romantic side. However, when my heart decided it had found the right person to call out to while the man did love him back, he was ripped away by a sadist and a dagger. Now my heart calls out to a man who doesn’t have a heartbeat anymore. It hurts more than anything to see Patton and Logan acting like the couple they are because it is something that I can’t have anymore after my heart was ripped so brutally from my chest and I don’t think that I can feel the same way as I did before again.

“I’m glad that you are up and about Ro.” Patton says looking at me as I was lost in thought.

“Same to you Padre.” I say back.

“We need to talk about what is happening. We must talk about something.” Logan says.

Me and Patton both look at Logan because what could possibly be important at this time. All three of us are still firmly in a grieving period and neither of us are in the mood for this kind of conversation.

“I know both of you are not in the mood of this, but something has been on my mind.” Logan says “The night Virgil died Remy seemed to want to say something to us before all of us cut him off and went away to grieve. I think we should hear what was so important that he decided he needed to tell us just after Virgil died. Especially knowing how close they were.”

“Yeah now that you mention it, it is a really bizarre time to tell us when this horrible thing had just happened.” I say, and I make up my mind too. “I think we need to summon him here right now and get answers, but I believe that he will tell us anyway because he wanted to tell us anyway.”

All three of us look at each other and make a decision before I point my arm at a spot near the counter before thinking of the sleepy side and raising my hand and watching Remy raise up as I summon him.

“Hey gurls. What can I do to help you?” He asks sympathetically.

“Kiddo we just wanted to ask you something.” Patton says.

“Anything for all of you guys right now.” Remy says with a sympathetic tone.

Logan then answers.

“Remy on the day my son died. What were you going to say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't like a little bit of backstory.


	33. A Past Not Talked About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan, Patton and Roman have all summoned Remy to ask about what he was going to say when they were all distracted by grief and this is what he was going to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you all like this chapter. This is a chunk of Virgil's backstory including how he got into the light portion of the mindscape. I hope that this answers questions and if I have left anything unclear please feel free to ask away in the comments but if it is a spoiler I will say so.

After Logan says that Remy looks a little sombre but not surprised at all. 

“Ok. I will tell you though at some points it may seem like I am going off topic or some of what I am going to tell you is really horrible.” Remy says clearly accepting that this has to happen.

“Ok. I’m sorry kiddo we have to know.” Patton says.

I am curious too because if something happened to the man I love then I want to know about it, so I know who I need to hurt and how hard.

“Ok. So here we go.” 

Remy then begins to explain.

“Ok. So, I found out about Virgil when I heard something that I couldn’t quite place. I figured out that it was coming from the basement of the dark side of the mindscape. I was told to not go down there, and I decided to go against it and I went down the stairs and I saw a small bed with a couple toys. That was when I saw a toddler curled up in the corner and shaking like a leaf. He told me that we was anxiety then he asked me something that made me realise something was off. He said, ‘Are you one of the lightie’s because Dee and Mal told me that the lightie’s are all evil and will hurt me really bad.’ I told him that I was a dark side and that I represent Insomnia and then he climbed into my arms and just sobbed in my shoulder.” Remy says.

This hurts so bad. So, Virgil did live as a toddler, but he was always taught to fear us, so they could keep him hidden from us, so the anxious side wouldn’t want to come and find his parents. It is heart-breaking.

“When I asked his name, he said it was Virgil, but he couldn’t say it, so he said ‘irgil’ and it was so cute.” Remy says with a smile. “Deceit came down with a sandwich for him and then he saw me and screamed at me for coming down and not listening before he asked me what I know. When I told him what I knew he asked me to go upstairs before I heard a smacking noise and Deceit came back up and told me that Virgil had emerged in the basement as a toddler and they panicked not knowing what to do so they kept him in the basement and to not freak me out they kept him from me. After that he was allowed upstairs and his room appeared, so he began to stay in there more and more. As a child he was kinda treated with respect even though they smacked him around a little bit. Then he came out of his room one day as an adult and that was when they became more sadistic. They began to starve him, beat him mercilessly and then constantly insult him and that made his mental state worse. Deceit always told him to never tell you three his name because it would give you an excuse to rip him apart bit by bit. He was already broken by that time.”

I am horrified. This is horrible. Deceit and Mal (whoever the fuck that is) tortured him and starved him. That must have been why he reluctant to eat when he came here. I look over to Patton and Logan and the logical side has his arm around his husband’s shoulder who has tears silently rolling down his face.

“This is the reason I wanted to tell you all of this.” Remy says, and this catches our attention.

“The last time I saw Virgil before he came here was the worst thing that has ever happened to him. What happened was Dee and Mal were beating the shit out of him because he wasn’t allowed to eat for 2 weeks and he stole food because he was literally starving. They were giving him the worst beating he ever received. It was normal until Mal started stomping on his head. That was when we noticed that he had stopped breathing.”

What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK?! Virgil stopped breathing during that incident then how was he here to be stabbed.

“After that I was told to carry his body to his room and place it on his bed before his room disappeared. I was heartbroken. Deceit then explained to me that due to the natural defences of the mindscape none of us can be killed due to the massive impact that it would have on Thomas. I thought he was dead though because they said that his door disappeared, so I thought that he was killed. The reason his door disappeared was because it came here. We can’t die.”

“So are you saying.” I say about to cry, and I can tell that Logan is in the same boat as me and Patton has stopped crying to look at Remy.

“None of us can die. Virgil isn’t dead.”

All I feel is relief. Virgil isn’t dead. I feel the tears begin to run down my face. I’m not sure in how long but the love of my life will be returned to my arms. I am so happy and then I look over and Patton and Logan are crying at the revelation that they will have there son back and they didn’t really loose him again.

I am so happy that Virgil is going to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not mean enough to keep our little emo dead. I am not the cruel even though he did get stabbed to dead. The fact that he stopped breathing was a way for his body to use the rest of it's energy into healing him like when in Steven Universe a gem poofs inside the stone to use the energy to heal except the person stops breathing which can make it look like they died.


	34. Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy told everybody the truth that he was hiding for a while which is the inability for sides to die in the mindscape. This is what they do afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that you all like the last chapter and I'm not mean enough to kill off Virgil and I am sorry for doing that. 
> 
> I hope you all like my chapter.

All 4 of us are still standing in the common room in shock. It is a happy shock though.

“Sorry I didn’t get to say sooner. I just thought that it would be better to tell you all at once because it wouldn’t be fair to leave one of you in the dark and grieving.” Remy says in an apologetic tone.

“It’s fine Remy. It’s completely fine. I get it.” I say.

“Same. It’s fine Kiddo.” Patton says, and Remy has a moved smile on his face. Patton has never called him kiddo before and now he has.

“So, what do we do now then?” Logan asks.

Remy answers him. “Nothing we can do. Just wait for Virgil to re-appear in his room.”

“Hang on.” I say because something just popped in his head. “Last time didn’t his room take him away from where the incident happened so is that what will happen.”

I am worried about this now it is in my head and judging from the look on the parents face they are now worried about this too.

“Actually, when Deceit first killed Virgil, I was worried about this too gurl. Then when I saw that his door was still there a couple days later then I figured out that he wasn’t going to go anywhere because last time we went to sleep, and it was gone. Also, after thinking it over as well I figured out that Deceit did this to try and bring Virgil back down to the dark portion of the mindscape without putting too much effort into it and he used what happened as an excuse. Patton trust me when I say that this isn’t your fault, he would’ve done it anyway.” Remy says.

“You know.” Patton says in an unusually quiet tone.

“I was there when it happened. There are some things that even you don’t know.” Remy says, and I wonder what we are in the dark about. “And trust me when I say I have never for one second blamed you.”

“Does Virge know?” Patton says with fear seeping into his voice.

“No. Deceit finally did something good and made sure that he couldn’t remember what happened. Trust me when I say it is for the best.” Remy says with a sunken down face like he is thinking about something unpleasant.

“Can you tell us?” Roman says.

“Nope. That is a story for another day.” Remy says.

We can all accept that, and we are curious but we will find out one day.

_//ONE WEEK LATER//_

All 4 of us are in the common room just having a chill. Patton is knitting, Logan is reading Sherlock Holmes, Remy is watching TV and I am on Instagram. We aren’t talking but it is not an uncomfortable silence. We are all just enjoying the silence because sometimes it is nice to just enjoy each other’s company without all the noise. Because all of the raucous can be overwhelming even for sides like me and Patton. 

We haven’t said a word to each other than hi and it is nice.

We talked more about Virgil. Remy told us some stories of him as a toddler and some photo’s because he looked after him as a child. Like when they used to put on Disney songs quietly and dance for hours, or when it was Halloween and Remy conjured up a black cat costume and drew whiskers and a cat nose on his face and they watched Halloween movies. Remy showed us pictures of a 4-year-old in a car costume with a black shirt and leggings with a tail tied around his waist and black shoes with a headband on which has black cat ears and makeup on like a cat. He has a giant smile on his face. He looks so happy. He looks almost like a normal child. You would never be able to tell what the truth was. This picture shows what he should have been doing growing up. This is what would have happened of he was raised the way that he was meant to if he was raised by the people who created him. 

Remy also told a story of before he placed a password on his phone and a 4-year-old Virgil got a hold of it and opened it. He then took hundreds of pictures of himself at strange angles and some with strange and curious faces before he rearranged all his apps and played the colouring game on his phone. Remy found him two hours later on his phone and he placed a password on his phone after that, placed the apps where the were before and deleted the images that he took. However, on the colouring app he never deleted the images he coloured because he said that they were too cute and really good for a 4-year-old. He managed to convince the anxious side to draw and that he is really good at it, but he gets embarrassed over it and hides what he draws. The sleepy side took a picture of one on his phone and it is incredible. I never knew that my boyfriend was such a talented artist.

“Hey kiddo’s I know I am breaking the silence, but I have finished my row so does anyone want something before I start a new one?” Patton says looking at the rest of us and being Patton.

All of us politely decline his offer and all of us fall into that comfortable silence again.

We are all so absorbed with what we are doing that we don’t notice the side standing in the door way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think it is?


	35. The man in the Doorway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides are just hanging out together. However, there is another side in the doorway that they haven't noticed. Time to find out who it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like this new chapter.
> 
> By the way the next chapter of the A/B/O series will come out on Monday for anybody who cares.

All of us are still concentrated on the tasks that we are doing. This is what we like. This has only happened when one or more of us have been having a not great day. Today that is me. I just have not been in too of a great mental state lately. I just miss Virgil. I know that he is ok, but I just can’t help but miss him. I want to wake up and see him in my arms. I also have been having a day where I just don’t want to be inside my body, and I am full of insecurity. I just want to have a chill.

So we are all having some time to be quiet and not have to worry about keeping up a conversation.

I am beginning to get bored of Instagram and I am about to play candy crush when I look to the door just because I think I see something there and I see it.

“VIRGIL!”

**//CHANGE IN POV AND SMALL FLASHBACK//**

I wake up in my room. I am really terrifying. I have an idea of where I am, but I really don’t want to go outside and deal with what is happening. But they know how long it takes to reform again, so I know they will come in here soon and I will be in trouble if I delay this.

So, I decide to leave my room. I needed to do this. Then I saw the doors. I saw a red door, a light blue door, a dark blue door and a white door. Roman, Patton, Logan and Remy. I am so fucking happy.

I quickly go down the stairs to my family. I need to see them. They have to see that I’m ok. I have no idea if Remy told them that I would be ok, and I think that he did but even if he did then they need to see me maybe to believe it, but I can’t wait.

When I get down the stairs from my room, I see Patton knitting, Logan reading, Roman on his phone and Remy watching TV. They don’t talk, and they haven’t seen me. I’m not sure whether I should draw attention to myself or whether I should let me themselves. I make up my mind.

“Hey guys.” I say. The others all look up to me. Their eyes all light up.

 _“VIRGIL!”_ Roman shouts when he sees me.

“Yeah. It’s me.” I say, and tears begin to slip down my face that I didn’t know I was holding back.

Roman runs over to me and wraps his arms around me and I hug him back. My heart is singing as he presses his lips to mine in a kiss that shows how much he has missed me and that he loves me. I have never needed a kiss more than I need one now and I can tell that he is in the same boat as me. This is when Patton and Logan run over to me and they wrap their arms around me when Roman pulls away. They hug me like when they found out my name. It is so nice, and I am so happy. I was concerned that when the saw me again that they wouldn’t want me back or that they would realise that I am more trouble then I am worth. The fact that they still want me is making me feel so happy and the fact that I still have my parents, boyfriend and my best friend is so amazing.

This is when my parents pull away and then they go and sit down, and Remy walks over to me and gives me a quick hug. Just to say hi and because he clearly missed me. He always does. To be fair he is the man that raised me.

“Told you guys.” Remy says with an arm around my shoulders.

Patton and Roman are crying while I can tell that Logan is close to. Did Remy tell them?

“Rem. Did you tell them?” I say.

“Yes, but seeing is believing. And it must be a relief.” Remy says.

“You have no idea how much.” Logan says.

“I can tell.” I say with the tears that were running down my face slowing down.

“By the way they were told embarrassing stories of baby Virgil.” Remy says poking me in the ribs with one finger and I want to punch him.

“What did you say?” I say through clenched teeth.

“Just told them stories. Like when I realised that I need a password on my phone.” At this Remy shows a picture of a toddler which has a perfect view right up the nose. Clearly this is me. “Or when you were a cat for Halloween which is a pleasant memory and if you say it isn’t girl, I will kill you again.”

He is joking of course and I expected this now that I am back and I am pretty sure that the others can tell that too because none of them have tried to get me away from him like they normally would. They have clearly been spending more time around Remy then. So that is great.

“Let’s just have some time watching a movie. Don’t know if I can take another death here kiddo.” Patton says wiping the tears from his eyes.

That is what they do. They watch movies for hours and just enjoy each other’s company. I’ve missed them, and I can tell they have missed me. Even Remy who knew I was ok the entire time I was gone.

We all decide to sleep in our own beds tonight even though Patton was pushing for us all to sleep in the common room nobody else was open for the neck cramps the next day, so we decide to spend all of tomorrow together just to be together as I have been dead for a while and scared everybody.

When we all go upstairs and the other three go in their rooms, I am about to enter my room when somebody grabs my arm. I smack it off only to see that it is Roman.

“Sorry. Habit.” I say feeling bad.

“It’s ok raven.” Roman says.

“Raven?” I ask.

“I feel it fits you.” Roman says with a shrug. “I just wanted to ask if sleep in my room tonight. Not for any other motive then I just want to be close to you even though I turned down Patton’s suggestion, but the cramps are no joke.”

I laugh at this. “I get that one. And yeah of course. And I have kept my head and I have been able to think through this whole thing and I was most of the way there before but now I’m certain. I’m ready.” I say hoping that he knows what I mean.

I have had a lot of time to think thing over because I was left with just my thoughts during my recovery. I have had time to think it over and I am in a place where I am ready emotionally. I want this. I want him.

“Are you sure.” Roman says. “I don’t want you too feel like I am pressuring you into this because I wanted it when we first got together.”

“I want this. I want to have this with you. I love you and I want you.” I say.

“Ok. We can do this.” Roman says. “I love you too.”

He presses his lips to mine and we kiss while entering his room. When I take off my shirt Roman looks at the scars all the way down my torso and back.

“Holy shit.” Roman says running his fingers down the scars.

“I know. I’m ugly. If you don’t want to do this then I understand.” I say but Roman stops me talking more by kissing me.

“You are beautiful. Never talk bad about yourself around me. I love you.” Roman says pushing me down on the bed on my back.

“I love you too.” Virgil says. Kissing Roman while excited for what is about to happen.

_//THE NEXT MORNING//_

I wake up with Roman awake behind me because I am the little spoon. We are both naked and cuddling in bed. I had an amazing time last night and I had no reason to be nervous.

“Hey babe.” I say waking up.

“Hey.” Roman says continuing stroking his boyfriend’s hair as he wakes up. “How was last night?”

“Perfect.” I say honestly. 

“Great. I’m so happy my little raven. Now I think we have to get dressed and go downstairs.” Roman says and this is what they do.

When we get downstairs, we get knowing looks from the three there and it is my first full day back and I don’t want this to hang over everybody the entire day. So, when I get downstairs, I notice that the other three are in conversation.

“How did you sleep last night Lo?” Patton asks.

“Great after these two had stopped making a racket.” Logan says giving us a glare.

I blush at the comment. This is conformation that they all heard us last night. This is so humiliation.

“I like how you guys make fun of us after last night when I am pretty sure I heard the moment that Patton got pregnant.” Roman says and the other two go quiet and me and Remy laugh our heads off.

“Ok children. No more of that talk. Lets just have some fun. This is not the talk to have on the little emo’s first day.” Remy says knowing that I am getting embarrassed by this conversation.

“Ok. Sorry.” Patton says noticing my embarrassment.

“Ok.” Logan says.

We all play games and watch TV. We just do things that involve hanging out with each other. I also notice that my absence has helped them. The other three are more comfortable with Remy around and this adds hope for me that they accept the parts of me that are all not that pretty. However, I know that they have already have. All four of these people have accepted me even though they know that I will never be easy to be around. They all have accepted that I am different, and they have made adjustments for the needs I have to remain in a comfortable state of mind. I love all of these people either in a platonic way or in a romantic way.

I am so happy to be back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can everybody welcome back the little emo. 
> 
> By the way it is Virgil's POV from now on.


	36. Waking Up Early

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday was Virgil's first day back. He woke up early and happy. He always wakes up early but never happy. So he can tell that this is a good day. But he still has a lot of questions that he wants answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again guys. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. I have been excited to put out this next chapter and here it is. If anyone has any questions about the story so far then please ask me them in the comments because I don't want anyone confused.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

I wake up the morning after my first day back and for the first time in a while before this happened, I feel happy. 

I don’t tend to wake up happy because when I wake up, I fell all the insecurities well up and the break downs tend to happen in the morning.

But I never have felt so close to all my family and friends and I have never felt so loved as yesterday. They were paying attention to me but not to the level that it made me uncomfortable. They clearly just wanted to spend time with me. Just to enjoy my company after being away from it for so long.

I still have the scars from what happened but that is expected because while I have healed fully, I still am feeling a bit of pain. It is a deep ache but not so bad that I can’t move but it is there. As long as I don’t get hit by anyone, I’m good. The scars are just another physical reminder of what I have gone through.

I decide that I want to leave my room and go downstairs because I really want to go and talk to everyone else around there.

When I get downstairs, I see that nobody is awake and when I check my phone, I see it is 6:30 am and I realise that nobody will wake up for now. But Logan will most likely wake up in half an hour to an hour. So, I decide to sit on the couch and watch TV and play a game on my phone because I recently downloaded candy crush and I have played it for a while. It is actually calming when I am anxious because it is a way to focus my attention away from what I am doing. It is also really fun to try and solve the puzzles. I am currently on level 75 and I am having a hard time beating this level, so I am just going to be doing that for a while.

After 45 minutes I hear someone coming downstairs and I see that it is Logan.

“Hey papa.” I say waving at him.

“Salutations Virgil. How are you?” Logan says.

“A little sore but happy. I don’t tend to wake up this happy.” I say.

“I’m glad your happy. But why are you sore?” Logan says.

When I give him the really look, he realises why.

“I will be in a bit of pain for a while, but it is ok. I had this when I first came here so I can live.” I say and when Logan looks shocked, I add. “This was part of the reason I hid away in my room for a lot of that time.”

“I never knew. Wait part of the reason.” 

“I was never allowed to leave my room, eat when I wanted or even go to the bathroom whenever I wanted. It is the reason I have amazing bladder control.” I say.

Logan looks devastated.

“You should have been here with us.” Logan says resting a hand on my shoulder.

“Nothing we can do about that now. I’m here now and that is all that matters.” I say trying to calm him down.

“It’s fine.” Logan says. “My husband should be downstairs soon, so we just have to wait until then.”

“Yeah.” I say. “I just want to ask. Deceit said that Patton did something. What did he do?” 

This is something that has bothered me. The other three have recognised what Deceit meant but I still have no clue and all the time to myself as gotten me thinking that they are hiding something from me again. And now that I know these are my parents then I want to know everything I can so that I can help them as much as I can. However, when I see papa’s face, he looks shocked. Like he never expected me to think about this. But it was all I could think about for one day.

“I never thought that you would think about this. Son trust me when I say it doesn’t matter. Something happened that doesn’t have any relevance to now and you just need to forget it.” Logan says holding onto my shoulders.

This is strange. Whenever I ask papa something, he doesn’t normally avoid the question. Normally he tells me the whole truth because he doesn’t normally care what others think about what he has to say. But now he is telling me to forget something that I am curious about. This is completely unusual for him. He only did this with the image of baby me and this means that it is serious. What are they hiding from me?

They hear someone coming down the stairs and quickly realise that it is Patton to make breakfast.

“Listen Virgil. Do not mention this to Patton. He feels like what happened to you was his fault because of what happened, and he feels terrible at the mere mention of what he did so please can you not mention it around him. It crushes him.” Logan asks quickly in a hushed tone.

“Of course. Wasn’t planning on it.” I say and I really wasn’t.

“Thank you.” Logan says before going to greet his husband.

“Hey babe.” Patton says before giving him a quick kiss.

He then turns to me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. He has been more affectionate with me since I got back, and I don’t have an issue with this because it is not grabbing a hold of me at random times because no. But it is just small kisses on the forehead. Like a father would. 

It is comforting because Remy used to do this to me when I was a child and it was one of the only things normal about my life. And I did miss it when I came here. Remy was always like a father to me and I still think of him not only as my best friend but like a father, so he is as much a member of this family as me. I know I have my two real fathers in the room with me right now, but I can’t get over the fact that they are beginning to include him now and that makes my little fragile heart sing.

“What are you thinking about over their kiddo?” Patton asks and Logan gives me the look of don’t you dare.

“Just that I am happy that you all are including Remy more.” I say and Logan looks like he believes me, and I am happy because I don’t want him to think that something that means so much to me is an alibi get away with lying answer.

“Of course, Virgil.” Logan says putting a hand on my shoulder.

“It is just that not only when I was little but also when I was an adult just down there. He was like a father to me. And still is because I just care about him so much. I know that you are my dads and I am happy that you are, but it is hard to get rid of that kind of connection and it means a lot that you guys are including him.” I say. And that is the truth.

“Of course kiddo.”


	37. Emotional Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has just had an emotional talk with his parents. When they leave he talks with someone else that means the world to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter is about 5 hours early but I have something happening tonight and so I decided that it was better to upload it early instead of hope that I can find time to upload it tonight so I hope you don't mind.

When I finally stop crying and calm down my parents are looking at me worried and a bit confused. 

“Sorry.” I say. “When I get brought back when I die, I get really emotional easily.” 

At least that is what I assume. 

“It’s ok son. You have to be emotional after what happened.” Logan says putting one hand on my shoulder as an attempt to comfort me. 

“I’m fine. Honestly.” I say trying to get them to stop worrying about me.

“Ok. If you’re fine, then if you are fine would you mind if me and Logan go to my room. We have been needing some couples time.” Patton says.

I see through that nicely chosen wording there.

“Ok. No need to ask for my permission.” They begin to walk away, and I add with a smirk. “Just if I get a sibling, I want to be the first to hear about it.”

They look over to me blushing out of embarrassment that they have been caught. Logan then throws a pillow at me knowing I am still hurting. And I wave at them as they rush upstairs holding hands. So, I guess I am going to stay down here for a bit. I don’t want to hear that commotion.

So, I channel surf for a while before finding a show that looks like good background noise and I play games on my phone. I have an issue with playing on my phone without noise and I left my headphones upstairs and I am not going upstairs because hell no.

However, when I hear someone coming down the stairs all I am thinking is that is quick. Then I see who came down the stairs and it’s Roman. 

“Hey babe.” I say and my boyfriend looks to the couch and sees me.

“Hey.” Roman says.

He walks over to me and kisses my temple. 

We have been doing these simple gestures more often to each other and I am really enjoying it. It is making me open up more to touch and bringing me closer to him as well. I could get used to this.

“How are you?” I ask.

“Marvellous my love.” Roman says with flare. “You.”

“I’m good.” I answer. “What’s wrong.”

Roman’s face falls. “I always forget that you know when I’m not feeling great.”

“You don’t have to say anything. You know I’m a nosy bastard.” I say.

Roman snorts.

“I just feel that I don’t deserve you. You are so amazing and I’m just not.” Roman says looking down.

What the fuck. That is something that I would think not Roman. It is another way that the façade Roman has built for himself is chipping away. I’m guessing it’s why he never tried hard to stop Patton from hiding his negative feelings with jokes. It was because if he did then he would be a hypocrite. Be does the same thing.

“Ro. If you think you are not good enough for me then remember that I chose you. And if you say that there is nobody else for me to choose then you are wrong. I have Remy. And even though I see him like another father to me, but I still could have chosen him, and I chose you. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I have those same thoughts but that is what I do. I think that you chose me, and it calms me down for a bit and just remember that you love me.” I say in a serious tone. 

I understand that everything that Roman is saying. It is something I have dealt with his entire life and from the way he is reacting to this I can tell he has had it for a while but not as long as I have. Roman’s eyes water like he is about to cry. He flings himself towards me and wraps his arms tightly around me and sobs into my shoulder. 

I don’t say a word and just hold him and let him cry out his pain. It is the best thing to do for a person. I love him so much and to see him so upset hurts me.

When his sobs die down, he moves away from me. And presses his lips to mine and kisses me. In this kiss I can tell how much he loves me and how much he doesn’t want to hurt me and how much he loves me. 

When he pulls away, I say, “why don’t we just watch a movie together.” 

One movie turned into several. With breaks for meals we spend the whole day together. Sometimes giving each other a quick kiss on the lips but we don’t really talk. We just cuddle and watch a bunch of Disney.

“I am going to go to my bed if that is ok.” I say to Roman with my eyes only half awake.

“It’s fine babe. I love you.” Roman says.

“I love you too.” I say back.

We give each other a goodnight kiss and I go upstairs to my room. I am more tired than I normally would be at this time of night. Maybe it was waking up earlier than I normally do. So, I change into my pyjamas and slip into my bed.

I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to hear the predictions of what you think Virgil thinks is going on. I want to hear what you think about this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it.


	38. Doctors Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a month since Roman and Virgil had a talk. And Virgil felt odd then but it is even worse then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I hope that you all are going to enjoy this chapter and I can't wait to see what you think.
> 
>  
> 
> (TW-Vomit)

It has been a month since I had Roman crying his eyes out on my shoulder. 

I know for a fact that I felt something was wrong that day, but it was not a gut feeling I know that for certain. I just felt strange and I have no idea what it was, but it was weird.

Now a month since then and it has gotten worse.

When I wake up this morning all I feel is a wave of nausea. So, I wake up faster than I have since Mal and Dee’s wake up calls and run to the adjoining bathroom and begin to vomit into the toilet.

What the hell is wrong with me? Is this just a side effect of me coming back from the dead and staying in the same place? I have never known a side to get sick.

“Ugh.” 

I whimper as I keep being sick into the toilet. Just hoping the others are sleeping without realising it is 5am. Dad won’t be awake for at least another two hours but of course I didn’t have time to check the time before I had to be sick.

I keep vomiting. I didn’t know I had this much in my stomach.

It finally just goes to dry heaving after an hour. My stomach hurts and I am waking and shaking. I have to go to the doctor. I check the time and see that it is 6am and I know Patton will be awake in an hour so I will easily be able to get past him and to the doctor. They also don’t wake me up now knowing that I have a level of insomnia (thanks Remy) and they just let me catch up on any sleep. They let me sleep most of the day at one point since I got back. 

Actually, I have been sleeping a lot more recently.

I slowly walk to the mindscape doctor while hugging the wall due to the fact that I have very little strength. I have been hurt a lot, but I have barely been here and was only here when it was bad enough and Remy secretly took me here.

When I get to the doctors, he is awake but clearly hasn’t seen me yet and I don’t want to be rude.

This is when he finishes whatever he is doing about 5 minutes later. He looks to the door and sees me.

“Greetings Anxiety. You do how do.” The doctor says.

“Hello doctor. I’m not feeling quite right. How are you?” I answer.

“Please call me Emile and I’m good. Please sit on the patient table Anxiety and tell me why you are here. I assume it isn’t that you are lonely.” Emile says.

“Is it alright if you call me Virgil?” I ask as I sit on the patient table.

“Of course, Virgil.” Emile says looking me in the eyes trying not only to get me to talk about it but to try and keep me calm. He always knows how to help my anxiety.

“I have been feeling strange ever since I came back from the dead. I know that you checked if there was any damage from what happened to me, but I still don’t feel right. But something happened this morning that made me realise that something is really wrong.” I say.

“What happened.” Emile asks clearly worried.

I tell him what happened this morning. He looks like he is in thought trying to figure out what is wrong with me. 

“Ok. Change into one of the gowns and I’ll check you over. Don’t worry your torso will be covered but your arms won’t be. If you want to keep your hoodie on, then you can but I may ask you to take it off.” Emile says.

I go into the bathroom and put on the mock hospital gown. Except each side has a different one so mine is purple. I do keep my hoodie on though. Because it will keep me calm.

“Thank you Virge. Just can you sit on the table again. And answer my questions.” Emile says.

The doctor then asks me questions like what has been going on that is unusual with me and calling them symptoms.

“I’m just going to check on you physically so my hands will be on you I’ll be gentle.” Emile says carefully.

When I nod Emile gently runs his hands up my arms, then legs, then torso. When he rubs over my nipples, I feel pain and breathe in through my teeth sharply.

“That hurt you.” Emile says.

“Sensitive chest” he mutters.

I feel the need to vomit again and reach for the bin. Emile immediately picks it up and hands it to me. I begin to vomit, and I don’t notice Emile picking up a cup and something else.

When I finish Emile takes the bin off me and puts it by the table.

“Ok. I just realised we haven’t talked much. You seeing someone recently.” Emile says.

“Yes actually. I’ve been dating Roman.” I answer. And I love him.

“Wow. I did not expect that. A dark dating a light. I ship it. I’m going to call you two uhm… Prinxiety.” Emile says with a giant grin on his face.

“I like it. Ro has taken to calling Patton and Logan Logicality.” I say with a weak laugh.

“I like it. You’re a Logicality baby.” Emile says with a laugh.

We laugh together and then he hands the cup to me.

“Ok. Back to business. Pee in this in the bathroom of course. I don’t wanna see you pee.” Emile says.

I snort and go to the bathroom to piss in the cup. When I am done, I carry it out to the doctor, and he takes it.

“You can get changed into your clothes again and I’ll run a test on this. I am pretty sure I know what is going on, but I have to check, and I’ll tell you what I did even if it comes negative ok.” When I nod Emile goes to the back room and I am left alone.

I get changed and play candy crush on my phone waiting for my results. When 30 minutes have passed Emile comes back with a smile on his face. So, I assume it’s good.

“Well the results are back. And I want to be the first one to say congratulations.” Emile says with so much joy in his voice that it concerns me in a way.

“What.” I’m so confused.

“You’re pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I need help with this.
> 
> I decided that I wanted Virgil to get pregnant when I thought of this idea and the other thing I wanted to do was let all of you suggest names and I would choose my favourite. And that is what I am going to be doing.
> 
> Because Thomas is a male and identifies as such the sides are all male too. So I only need suggestions for boys names. I will pick two. My favourite will be for the baby and the other will be for something else that I will not say right now. 
> 
> The pregnancy will take up many chapter so in a couple chapters I plan to stop requesting and to say that you cannot suggest any on those chapters but I will allow more on older chapters to keep them all in a similar place just to make it easier because I am an indecisive mess.
> 
> You can also suggest roles for the child and while I may not use them it will make it easier for me in the long run.
> 
> Thank you for reading this long end note and I look forward to reading the suggestions.


	39. The reaction of two sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has just been told what is going on with him and he is over the moon. It is now just a question of who the anxious sides tell first. This is not only his reaction but the reaction of the another side. I wonder who it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the name and role suggestions that I received on the last chapter is was amazing to see the reception I got.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> (TW - Vomit)

I stare at Emile in shock.

I’m pregnant.

I have to admit that I was curious to see if I had the complex, but I never thought that I would actually have a baby.

What happens if the dark sides take my baby like they took me?

What if my baby hates me?

What if Roman leaves me not wanting the burden of a child?

Even though I just found out about my pregnancy I already know that I love my child and will never let anything happen to them.

I don’t realise that I am crying until Emile hands me a tissue.

“Sorry if you are upset. There are ways to – “Emile doesn’t even finish his thought before I shout.

_”NO”_

“So how do you feel about this. I can tell you want the child, but I need to know.” Emile says coming down to eyelevel with me.

“Happy but anxious.” I answer.

“That is a completely valid reaction. I think what you have to take account right now is that you are anxiety to decide what to do next. And before you get annoyed at me, I’m not suggesting you do anything negative towards the baby. All I am saying is that you need to decide how to tell everybody and what to do for your mental health. Anxiety attacks will be bad for your son. You need to do something about it. I am going to say now I can also act as a therapist for you if needed. I would advise telling your parents, boyfriend and close friend about this. Not only can they help you, but they will be thrilled. I can see Patton’s reaction in my head now.” Emile says.

“Oh my lord, he’ll lose it.” I say with a laugh before Emile begins to laugh too.

“It would be rather impressive.” The doctor answers.

“I know.”

I grab the bin again and begin to vomit into it. Emile rubs my back to try and help me because there is not much he can do for morning sickness.

“I am going to say this now. I already hide the files, but I’ll hide yours somewhere else. I’m not going to let what happened last time happen again.” Emile says.

“What?” I ask. What does he mean?

“It was how the dark sides found out about you. Deceit cut his arm and he was here to have it patched up and he read through the light sides files and that was how he found out about you.” Emile says. “I felt horribly guilty for a long time. I had my suspicions you were the baby, but I wasn’t going to do anything drastic. That was when I hid the files. I’ll hide yours better this time to try and keep them from knowing about this.”

“But Deceit has free access to our part of the mindscape.” I say with a sullen voice. Deceit is going to take my baby and I won’t be able to stop him.

“I’ll conceal it the best I can, but you still have access to that side of the mindscape. So, if Deceit does take your son then you can go and get him back.” Emile says putting his hand on my arm.

“Ok.” I say in a weak voice.

“So, Virgil I believe you have some news to tell your family.” Emile says giving me a friendly shove towards the door.

“Ok. I’ll go and tell them. May take me a couple days before they all know but they will.” I say knowing what he is thinking.

“Thank you. Come back in a week and I’ll see how far along you are and we’ll sort out other appointments and ultrasounds and all that stuff. I’ll also see the side effects and see how bad they are.” Emile says handing a paper to me with this on to make sure that I don’t forget.

“Thank you. Why don’t I just give you my number to make everything easier. That is if you are ok with that.” I ask nervously.

Emile looks stunned. “Uhm… Yeah.”

I begin to think I made him uncomfortable by that request and that he doesn’t want me, but he is only doing it to try and keep my anxiety at a minimum to keep my child safe.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I say trying to salvage this.

“No, I’m not upset.” Emile says quickly. “I have a phone, but I only use it to watch cartoons. Nobody has ever asked me for my number before. It was a bit of a shock. I apologise for making you think otherwise Lapis.”

“You’re calling me Lapis. I like it.” I say I can see myself as Lapis.

“You are clearly Lapis.” Emile says.

“And what the baby is Peridot or something.” I say and Emile laughs.

“That is amazing.” Emile says.

We share phone numbers and I leave the hospital. I check the time and see that dad is awake. Nobody else is but maybe I’ll be able to hide what is going on with me. I'm scared to tell the others because what if they kick me out after finding out about the baby. I know that it is unlikely but I can't help but worry about it because that is just who I am. I do know that I need to tell someone and I know who I need to tell and that is Roman who is also the father of my child but he is the person I am the most afraid of telling because he is the one that will be the most affected by this and will most likely have the biggest reaction. But I know who I am most comfortable with telling first with nobody to talk to about this issue. I know who that is and that is who I am going to tell first.

When I get back, I see dad in the kitchen making breakfast.

“Hey kiddo. Where did you go?” Patton says and knowing that he would ask me this I came up with an answer.

“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to go for a walk because I got bored. Left about an hour ago.” I say. 

I have done this before, so it doesn’t seem that strange.

“Oh kiddo. That hasn’t happened in a while. Are you ok?” Patton says concerned for me.

“I’m fine. It just happens.” I say.

“Do you want something to eat now or do you want me to save it for later?” Patton asks.

I have never been happier for my bouts of insomnia. Normally afterwards I’m not hungry so it makes me go to my room and not leave for a while. And that is amazing because at least for a couple days I want to hide the vomiting and I don’t think I can stomach food right now.

“Can you save it.” I ask in a quiet voice.

“Of course. Why don’t you go to your room and rest even if you don’t sleep it will help.” Dad says to me.

“Ok. I’ll see you later.” I say.

This is when I realise that I need to vomit so I walk out the room slightly quicker than normal before running to my room, fling open the door and start to vomit. This is going to be a pain. Even after they know I’m pregnant I will have to run off at random times to be sick and this will be so annoying.

When I am finished, I flush the toilet and close it to try and prevent the smell from spreading. I am on my phone just watching video’s or playing games for hours. However, every so often I have to get up to be sick, but I don’t mind too much because I’m on my own and I don’t have to worry about strange or pitiful looks from the others.

I am sitting in my room when there is a knock on my door.

“Hey girl. It’s Remy can I come in.” 

“Yeah.” I answer back.

Remy comes in and looks to me sitting on the bed with my phone on my hand.

“You look terrible.” Remy says looking at me and testing my head with his hand for a fever.

“Thanks bud.” I say with totally no sarcasm.

“I’m being serious. You look sick.” Remy says.

He reads me too well and this is one of the times that I hate it. Shit. I need to vomit again. Well he was the one I was planning to tell. I sprint off to the bathroom clutching my mouth before raising the toilet lid and begin to be sick into it. Remy sees me and runs towards me to hold my hair back and rubbing his hand up and down my back at an attempt to comfort me. Another way that he shows the fatherly care he has towards me.

When I finish, I go to clean myself up except Remy stops me and does it himself before picking me up and putting me on my bed.

“I should message Patton.” Remy says about to get his phone.

 _”NO”_ I say to him quickly. I have to stop this right now. “Let me explain and you’ll see why I don’t want to.”

“Ok. Explain.” Remy says before putting his hand on my shoulder.

“So, I’m sure you noticed but I woke up early this morning because I needed to be sick. I went to the doctors after this and told Patton afterwards that I went for a walk.” I say.

“What did he say? What’s wrong?” Remy says looking scared.

“I’m pregnant.” I say.

When I look up to Remy, he has tears in his eyes.

“Really.” He says in a quiet voice.

When I nod, he shouts _OH MY GOD_ and flings himself at me to give me a hug. He’s crying but I can tell that this is a happy cry.

“This is why you were vomiting.” Remy says.

“Yes. You’re going to be an uncle.” I say and he cries again and hugs me so hard. “Remy, I need to breathe.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You’re excited and I get that. Trust me. I’m happy too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> I am still open to suggestions for both names and roles for the baby and a secret other reason. That will be revealed before the baby is born just to let you know but it will be after I stop accepting names. Just to let you know.


	40. Who will be told next?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil just told his best friend about his child. Who will he decide to tell next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 400 KUDO'S YOU ALL ARE AMAZING. You all have no idea how grateful of this I am. You all are awesome.
> 
> Also thank you for all the suggestions for names and roles for the baby it has been so cool to see people suggesting names. I literally have a word document where all the names and roles are there with the usernames of the people who suggested them. So yes the person who suggested the names will be credited.
> 
>  
> 
> (TW-Vomit)

Me and Remy hug again and stay like that for a while. I’m so happy that he is ok with not only me being pregnant but my baby too. I’ve been terrified to tell everyone, but he saw me sick at one point. 

“How far along are you?” Remy says putting his hand on my stomach.

“I haven’t been told yet by Emile, but I know that this could have only happened the day I got back but I know that it needed time to take.” I say shrugging. I have no idea whether that effects how far along I am.

“Yeah totally. This is so crazy. I remember when you would sit on the floor with a colouring book with Disney on in the background while sucking your thumb. Now you are having your own baby.” Remy says.

“You forgot the teddy under the arm.” I say then Remy laughs, “I get that. To me it feels like yesterday when I woke up one morning as an adult.”

I then feel like I need to be sick, so I cover my mouth and sprint to the bathroom before I throw open the lid and begin to be sick. Remy comes up to me and rubs my back again. He isn’t worried anymore and I can tell this because I can’t feel it irradiating off him. It is calming to me that he isn’t constantly worried about me.

“I don’t know much about this girl, but I’ll help you as much as I can. But I think that the best thing to do is tell someone who knows more about this.” Remy says.

“I know who I need to tell.” I say.

_//THE NEXT MORNING//_

I had a hard time sleeping last night because my son kept deciding that making me vomit a million times through the night would be a good thing to do.

So, I am exhausted when I go down to breakfast earlier then I normally do but that varies from day to day.

Patton and Logan are already in the common room having breakfast and just talking about nothing in particular. I sit down at the table and they both give me a smile. Patton’s is really bright while Logan’s is less so, but he is still happy to see me. I can tell.

“Hey kiddo. Did you get anymore sleep last night?” Patton asks kissing my forehead.

“I got more than I do on some of my bad nights, but I was still up a bunch in the night.” I answer and this makes my parents look at me worriedly.

“You need to get more sleep son. Sleep is beneficial for gaining more energy for the day and it is a way for a person to go over the memories they have made and store them. What kept you awake like that?” Logan says and I sit opposite them.

“This is what I wanted to talk to you about.” I say and they put their cutlery down on the table and look at me and I can feel anxiety radiating off them.

“Patton, I want to admit what I said was a bit of a lie. I didn’t just go for a walk yesterday morning I actually went to the doctor’s office.” I say and this makes them worried. I can feel it coming off them in waves.

“I found out what was going on with me.” I say.

“What?” Patton says in a quiet voice.

“Uhm … well.” I say just to mess with them because I’m a bastard.

“You are going to be grandparents.” I say with a serious expression because I want to mess with them. 

I place my hand on my stomach. It takes them a couple minutes to process. But when it does the looks on their faces is priceless.

“Wait. Do you mean?” Patton says with his hands over his mouth and tears in his eyes. Logan is staring at me with his mouth open and he also has tears in his eyes. 

“I’m pregnant.” I say with a massive smile on my face.

“Oh, my lord.” Logan says.

Patton then runs over to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders in a hug that is a lot tighter than it has been in a while, but I don’t mind. This is one of those moments where I have no confusion over intentions, and I can tell that they are happy. This is something that I never thought I would want or could have before. And now I have it. This is when I realise that I need to breathe.

“Dad. I have to breathe.” I say and this is when he pushes away from me, but he is still crying.

Logan then comes over to me and gives me a hug, but it is not as hard because he can tell hugging me is not too good for me or his unborn grandson.

“This is amazing. Does anyone else know?” Papa asks after he pulls away.

“Remy knows other than you guys and the doctor. I haven’t told Roman yet.” I say.

“Why wouldn’t you tell Roman. I’m assuming that he is the father.” Logan says.

“Of course, he’s the father who else would it be? But that is why I’m scared to tell him.” I say while trying to count the specks of dust on the floor.

“That makes no sense.” Logan says.

“I think I get it.” Patton says. “Is it because Roman will be most affected by the baby other than you and you think that he will leave you when he realises the responsibility that will come along, or he will try to push you to get rid of the baby.”

I nod. Patton and Logan look sad at this. They really shouldn’t be surprised I mean have they met me.

“I know that your thoughts won’t stop until you hear this coming out of his mouth, but I am sure that he will be thrilled with this.” Logan says.

“I know. It is just a me thing.” I say shrugging.

“Not really. I remember that Logan was terrified to tell Roman and Thomas because he thought they were going to be mad at him. I remember it clear as day. It is kinda funny.” Patton says.

“Really.” Logan is normally the level headed one.

“I was terrified honestly. And to this day I don’t know why. They even put up with Patton’s mood swings and him being emotions it was impressive I’ll tell you that much. Have fun with that by the way.” Logan says patting me on the head.

“Oh, I forgot about that.” I say. “Shit.”

I say before running off to the bathroom. I begin to vomit, and Dad comes over to me and help me similar to how Remy does. Except it is a little less gentle because Remy is always really gentle with me and tried to prevent me from even stubbing my toe. When I am done, he helps me up while Papa tidies and cleans me up.

“You alright now Kiddo?” Patton asks and when I nod, he adds “I know it is terrible but trust me when it is over it will be worth it.” 

“Can we go back to the common room. I have some questions about this, and I need to ask them and you the most about all of this.” I say and they walk to the common room with me while bringing a bucket for me, so I don’t have to sprint out the room every 10 seconds.

“Won’t you have to clean the bucket.” I say concerned.

“We did this with Patton, so we have done it before. Don’t worry son this is not an issue.” Logan says putting the bucket in front of me.

“I still can’t believe that we are going to be grandparents.” Patton says with a smile on his face.

“I can’t either.” I say.

“Ok son. Ask away.” Logan says.

“So, I’m assuming I got the complex from Patton. But is there something I should know before I get further into my pregnancy.” I ask.

“You will be more likely to have worse morning sickness than normal because as facets of a man’s personality you were not meant to carry a child so everything will be a bit more extreme than it would be if we were women, but it will not be too big of a deal. Also, the labour is more likely to be longer than normal. Because it will be your first baby kiddo so labour times tend to go down with the more babies you have.” Patton says.

“How do you know all this?” I ask.

“We were told by Emile. He was telling us things that were likely and that did end up happening.” Patton says.

“Did Emile tell you the part about other babies too. Like he assumed you would have another child. Well knowing Patton, it is likely.” I say.

“Yeah. He did assume that and told us that during his first pregnancy as a just in case and because I kept asking questions.” Logan says.

“What else do you want to know kiddo?” Patton asks.

“What is labour like? Does it suck?” I ask. I am actually terrified about this because I have heard that it is really painful.

“I’m going to admit it is painful. But completely worth it. Also, it is not as bad as I thought it was going to be so you will be ok.” Patton says trying to reassure me.

“Ok.” I can handle that.

This is the last thought I have before I grab the bucket and begin to vomit into it. This really sucks. I hate having to vomit every 2 minutes. I can’t help this, but I also can’t stand it.

This is when dad and papa take the bucket off me and place it on the floor.

“I know. It sucks but remember it is only temporary kiddo.” Patton says. This is when they notice tears in the corner of my eyes.

“Sorry. The vomit did this to me. I’m so tired.” I say. I have vomited the energy out of myself.

This is when we hear something that sounds like a herd of baby elephants coming down the stairs before the door opens revealing my boyfriend.

“Hello everybody. How are all of you?” Roman says before kissing my cheek and he goes to get breakfast.

“Virgil. You have to tell him. And you know why.” Logan whispers into my ear.

I sit thinking how long I should wait until I tell Roman. I finally decide on a time.

When Roman has finished eating, I stand up and say.

“Roman. Can we go somewhere private? I have to tell you something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter and please remember to suggest names and roles for the baby.


	41. The Last One to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is pregnant. Patton, Logan and Remy all know about this. But there is one person left to tell. The most important of all of them. The father of the child, Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Thank you for supporting me through all 40 chapters so far.
> 
> I do plan to keep going. I know it can get annoying if I keep it going for too long but I feel like I have a lot more of this story left to go and more story lines that are left uncovered so I plan to keep going for a little while longer. I am sorry if this is annoying but this is my plan.
> 
> (TW-Vomit)

Roman looks to me extremely nervous. I don’t even need my powers to be able to tell that he is nervous. You can see it in his eyes. I wonder what he thinks I am going to stay.

When Roman snaps himself out of it and follows me to his room. Even though the room corrupting another side is only there when Thomas is present, but it makes people anxious because the corruption effect is an amplified effect in my room.

When we get into my boyfriend’s room, we both sit on his bed. He is still terrified about what I have to say. I have to admit I was tempted to be a dick head and fool with him and make it seem terrible but I’m not that cruel. I have to admit I’m really nervous that he’ll not have a great reaction. So, I just can’t seem as elated as I am by this. I may have to resort to my band-aid method.

“I have to admit right now before I get into it. That I have been really nervous to tell you this. More than the other and you’ll find out in a minute.” I say and he gets even more nervous. Shit.

“Trust me it isn’t bad. But I’m not sure how you are going to react to this.” I say nervously.

“What’s going on. Virge. Are you alright?” Roman says taking my hand in his.

“Remember yesterday when I stayed in my room all day after getting very little sleep.” I say when he nods, I add, “I didn’t really go for a walk in the morning.” 

“Where did you go then?” Roman says looking me in the eyes.

“I went to the doctor.” When I say that he squeezes my hand harder.

“I woke up really early just vomiting and it was horrible. I have been sick in the past, so I knew it was possible, but it still scared me. So, I went to the doctor’s straight away.” I say explaining.

“What was it?” Roman asks growing more terrified.

I place his hand to my stomach.

“I’m pregnant.” I say looking him in the face trying to gauge his reaction.

His eyes are wide. I can’t quite tell what he is feeling. But I’m pretty sure that he is horrified. I can feel something negative there. Please don’t tell me I’m about to lose the man I love over my child.

“I’m sorry. I can feel the negative. I’m just going to go and leave you be.” I say with tears beginning to travel their way down my face.

What the fuck am I going to do.

This is when I get up to leave but before I even take one step towards the door, I feel Roman grab my arm. I sit back down and avoid his eyes. He is just going to put the rejecting into words. I really can’t handle this. The fanciful side cups my cheek with one hand and takes my hand with his other. He gently strokes my face with his thumb.

“I’m sorry. I was in shock for a bit there. The negative you felt was me being nervous. My raven you have no idea how happy I am at this. I love you and I already love our child.” Roman says with tears in his eyes.

I’m relieved. I thought Roman would be horrified. The effort and responsibility of an infant. But he’s thrilled. I can’t wait anymore. 

I press my mouth to his in a hurried and passionate kiss. I never want to leave his arms. I love this man so much it hurts, and I know he loves our baby. When he kisses back my heart sings. His hand never leaves my stomach. Making it seem that he never wants to leave the company of our son.

He then breaks the kiss and leans down to my stomach. He raises my shirt to where my chest is. This is when he presses gentle kisses to my tummy. Right where the child is. They tickle so I giggle. I feel him smile and cry on my stomach. I don’t feel as much negative as I did before. This is perfect.

When he gets up, he comes to my face. 

“I love you so much my raven.” Roman says kissing my forehead.

This is when my body betrays me, and I cover my mouth with my hand. Roman’s eyes widen and just as I’m about to bolt out the door my boyfriend passes me his bin and I start to be sick into it. This is great too because I don’t think I would have made it to the toilet. While I’m doing it Roman is stroking my hair and kissing my head not at regular intervals but enough. When I’m done, he takes the bucket and puts it in front of me. 

“Sorry raven. This must suck. But I wouldn’t know.” Roman says kissing my cheek.

“It does suck. I can’t keep anything down. I have no idea how I’m going to handle this for the next few months. But I’ll happily do it.” I say with my hand where the baby should be.

“I know you will. You’re really strong. Patton did it. He did struggle with morning sickness though. There are plenty of examples where Patty didn’t make it to the toilet or whatever in time and was sick all over the floor.” Roman says with a laugh. I laugh at that too.

“We never minded. We knew you would be a result of this, and he couldn’t help it. And he would apologise over and over again and try to clean up the vomit himself. But he would be shaking so we sat him down and we cleaned it up ourselves. After the fifth time we kept buckets everywhere.”

“That is pretty impressive.” I say. “So, I assume you are going to take this up with me.”

“Yep. I don’t want Patton to follow you around with cleaning chemicals which I am sure he is going to do to try and make up for vomiting everywhere when he was pregnant.” Roman says.

“I am aware.” I say.

“Sorry I still can’t believe that I am going to be a father. This is so crazy.” Roman says gently stroking my stomach.

“Can you keep doing that? It is making me feel better.” I say. It is calming my stomach and the baby. I don’t need to be sick right now.

“That’s great. I love you so much my raven.” Roman says still rubbing my stomach but pressing his forehead to mine.

“I love you too Princey.” 

Our lips connect in a loving kiss. Showing not only his love for me but his love for our child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that all of you enjoyed this chapter and that Roman's reaction was what you wanted. 
> 
> Please remember to leave suggestions for the name and role of the baby. I hope that you all are enjoying coming up with the names for suggestions.
> 
> I'm also sorry it was short. I said what I wanted to say and it was shorter than I thought it would be but I hope it was enjoyable all the same.


	42. Remy and Virgil talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After telling everyone about the baby Virgil decides to have a chill. Only to have a much needed conversation with Remy. Not that he minds at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and I can't wait to see what you all think.
> 
>  
> 
> By the way. There is a high chance that in the next couple of chapters I will stop asking for baby names and roles due to the fact that I do not get many any more. While I will be still accepting them I will not remind you. And then I will say that I have stopped accepting them so I can name the baby. Just letting you know so please keep sending in these names and helping me come up with a good name and role for this child.
> 
>  
> 
> Now that is out of the way. Please enjoy the chapter.

It has been a week since I have told Roman about our child and things are going well. Patton has slowly been giving me more advice like what foods didn’t give him morning sickness and which food he recommends I should avoid. Lemons, Pretzels and Peppermint tea are actual saviours for me right now. I have practically been living off the stuff. Patton told me all the common foods that reduce morning sickness.

Because I am a picky eater, I don’t like most of the food listed but these ones I do, and I have been able to keep them mostly down. But morning sickness always creeps up to you in the end and this means that even eating the foods that were recommended there will be days where I won’t be able to keep anything down.

I haven’t been back for another visit with Emile yet since he told me I was pregnant, but he did text me and tell me that my visit will be an ultrasound because I am 7 weeks and it is recommended to have the first ultrasound between 6 – 9 weeks due to risk of miscarriage though you can have it at any point in the first trimester. Emile told me this over text and it is great that he did because I know literally nothing about pregnancy because I wasn’t there when Patton was pregnant, and I shouldn’t have to explain why.

I need to know a hell of a lot more because I am going to be going through a whole pregnancy and labour. At least everyone but Remy knows about pregnancy being around a pregnant person or being pregnant themselves. Remy is the only one here who has knowledge about children and how to look after them because he did a great job with me. I am a mess but that couldn’t have been prevented. I would have been a lot worse if I didn’t have the shoulder to cry on or him putting in a routine, he could for me the best of his abilities which even with my limited knowledge I know is a good thing for a small child.

So, you have no idea how grateful I am for that man. Oh well. I do have to admit that I am a little concerned. I haven’t seen Roman and Remy alone in a room together and it is bothering me a little bit. I think Ro may be jealous of Remy still. He understands all the love I have in my heart for Remy is purely platonic and the only romantic love I have is for Roman. But it is a concern for me.

Wow speak of the devil and he shall appear. This is because Remy now walks into the room.

“Hey Virgie. How are you feeling?” Remy asks.

“I’m doing good. I have vomited a couple times today, so I am always keeping a bucket near me. Better safe than sorry.” I say.

“I’m sorry about that girl. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Have I missed anything?” Remy says sitting next to me.

“Not much. I haven’t been doing much. Patton and Roman won’t let me. Patton is the only one who will make Logan stop talking. I am apparently doing as little as possible until the end of my pregnancy. And trust me they are beginning to follow be around to make sure I don’t start doing thing. It is slightly annoying, but it is also really sweet.” I say and Remy giggles.

“That sound like them. They’re just worried about you. Patton told me that he understands that morning sickness can make you weak and tired, so he is trying to make you as happy and comfortable as possible.” Remy says in a soft voice.

I then rest my head on Remy’s shoulder, and he begins to run his fingers though my hair gently. It is a very comforting gesture.

“Remy are you ok?” I ask concerned. “I can tell this kind of thing and something is clearly bothering you.”

“God, I hate that you can read me so well. I just have a lot on my brain.” Remy says in an unusually quiet tone.

“What is it. Surely you know that I will never judge you.” I say with a giggle.

“I know. You have seen the unrulier sides to me.” Remy says with a small laugh.

Remy lets himself show what he is feeling, and this is something that I have wanted him to do for years. He lets me show all my negative emotions and he never lets me see his and I want him to open up to me. He is finally opening up to me.

“It is a little dumb. It is seeing you and the connections you have made with the rays. It’s really bitter sweet. I am so happy that you are getting the love you deserve hell you have a baby on the way. But I am used to being the parental figure for you and now you have two other father figures who are actually your fathers. You also have a boyfriend. You don’t need me anymore.” Remy says with tears clearly in his voice.

“Ok so by what you said it may seem like I don’t need you.” Remy deflates. “But I need you more than you know. You raised me and who said I can’t have more than two father figures. Even if I can’t you will always be my best friend. And I have no idea what the fuck I would do without you. If you don’t want to be around me then I’ll understand that, but you are so amazing, and you mean so much to me. I love you like you were my father. Because you might as well be my third father.” I say snuggling further into his shoulder exactly like I did when I was a toddler. 

When I look up to his face, I see that there are tears running down his face that he is trying to hide from me. 

“You have no idea how much this means to me Virgil. You have no idea how much you matter to me.” Remy says with the tears running down his face clear in his voice.

“I have an idea.” I say cuddling closer to Remy while wrapping my arms around his middle. The sleepy side then wraps his arms around my shoulders.

We stay like that for a while. It is like I am the age I was when we met. I used to do this when I was little. Just cuddling up to him and just feel the love that I was missing most of my life and I desperately craved. I do have that love now from my parents and boyfriend, but I will always have the man who has been there my whole life. The man that gave me a normal childhood to the humans and not aspects of a personality. But he is the one who made me happy. I know that the rays are not to blame for me not having the best childhood, but Remy is the one who made it better.

I had to stop the cuddle a couple of times to vomit into the bucket that I have begun to keep close at all times just for situations like this. However, when I had finished, we always got back into that position and cuddled some more. Every feeling I have for this man is platonic, but I care about him so much and there is nothing I would change at this moment.

I don’t see the presence at the door. But I know they are there due to the negative emotions coming from them in waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think it is.


	43. Insecurity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Remy are hanging out. But someone is listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope that you like this chapter. I wrote it while I was sick so sorry if it was not the best.

Me and Remy stay cuddling for a while. We are both watching TV and are really absorbing the show we are watching. He is not resting his hand on my stomach knowing that would piss off Ro. He is resting his hand over my shoulder. It is nice to not have to think about all the changes, like the baby and all of the family. I love them all and the whole situation at the moment. But change can be overwhelming especially for someone who is the embodiment of anxiety. So just chilling with Remy like I did when I was a child is quite comforting.

However, I do feel negative emotions behind the door. It takes me out of the mood. And Remy knows me so well he can tell this.

“What’s wrong Virgy?” Remy asks.

“Someone’s behind the door.” I whisper.

“Whoever the fuck is out there come in. We know you’re there.” Remy says in a loud voice.

This is when the side on the other side of the door comes in and they both see it is Roman. I have never seen him so angry. He briskly walks over to us, grabs my shoulder and then shoves Remy onto the floor.

“What the fuck Roman.” Remy says in an angry voice.

“I don’t know what you think you are trying to do but he is my boyfriend.” Roman says.

“What are you talking about?” Remy asks.

“You both are always cuddling. Are you trying to take him from me?” Roman says with his face going red.

I am in shock I knew that Roman would be jealous, but I never knew he would go so far as to threaten Remy. I have no idea what to do.

“I’m really not.” Remy says in a scared tone of voice.

“Roman. He’s my best friend. Stop please.” I say. He’s scaring me.

He takes one look at me and his facial expression softens. Remy takes this opportunity to stand up.

“Ok Roman. Let me lay all this out for you. I met Virgil about two weeks after he learned how to walk. He would fall over a lot and I was immediately aware he was anxiety and I knew t would be hard work. I was told by Deceit that I was the one who was meant to feed him once a day and do nothing more. I began to send more and more time together and we grew into friends. I tried to give him a normal childhood to the best of my abilities. I couldn’t always do that, but I tried. Then he turned into an adult and I tried to keep him as safe as I could. When the incident happened, and he came to the light side of the mindscape I was devastated without knowing that he came here. I found a way to come here because things began to get to bad and I felt that I would be safer here. Then I saw Virgil and I’m pretty sure at this point you can’t blame my reaction to seeing him and if you do then you are a hypocrite. So, we talked. The way we were just cuddling is the way we have always done it especially when he was a child. Except I didn’t put my hand on his stomach knowing that would make you mad. He is like a son to me and if there was anything remotely romantic between us then it would be concerned because in my opinion that is a little bit creepy. So, there is nothing going on between us romantically so please back off.” Remy says looking directly at Roman.

Roman looks conflicted. I can tell that he is still jealous be he can tell that Remy is being serious.

“Roman do you really think that I would do anything behind your back like this. I have said that Remy is my best friend. And especially now I am having your child. Why would I go behind your back and do anything like that with anyone else? Remy is like a third father to me. Please don’t get pissed off at him.” I ask. Roman is scaring me. What if he punches me or Remy? I know Roman would never do anything to hurt me, but I can’t help but worry about it. Because well I’m me and you know what I’m like by now.

“Roman if you don’t believe me then look at your boyfriends face. You are clearly scaring him. What the fuck are you thinking?” Remy says.

Roman then looks over to me and see’s the look in my eyes. His facial expression softens, and his negative feelings change. He is clearly guilty. I can tell that he never meant to do anything like that to me.

“Virgil get’s scared by people raising their voices. Because ever since he was a child when someone raised their voice that meant he was going to get hit. And when he was an adult and still down there it meant he was going to get his ass beat. So, he gets scared as a reaction to people raising their voice and it’s not your fault because you clearly didn’t know but I am just letting you know now. I’m perfectly willing to put aside my anger that I feel for you right now aside because I am not the one that matters right now.” Remy says.

“Virgy I’m so sorry.” Roman says taking my hands.

“It’s ok. I really should have told you about this. I’m sorry too.” I say.

“Don’t apologise.” Roman says kissing his boyfriend’s forehead.

“Ok.” I say.

“Remy, I apologise.” Roman says and it sounds genuine.

“Thank you, Ro. Just please remember that I am here to help him not take him away from you. You make him happy and I would never take that away from him.” Remy says.

“Thank you, Remy.” Roman says. “I do have a question if you don’t mind.”

“Depends what is it.” Remy asks.

“Sorry I’m nosy. How did you get to this part of the mindscape? You said you chose to leave so how did you get out of there?” Roman asks.

“Actually, I was wondering that too. I just know that if you knew a way to get me out of there you would have done it before I was killed the first time. So, I only know it happened after I came here.” I say thinking a loud.

“You were always very clever. Well done Virgil. And I actually don’t mind answering that and it is a valid question.” Remy says. “I did research after you were gone. I discovered a way to come-through to here. Not a ritual but it was a way to make me move from the dark portion to the light portion. However, it was only temporary. There are 3 light sides and 3 dark ones. 2 out of 3 have to ask me to stay there and I have to agree to stay. Patton and Logan asked. And I agreed.” 

“I was unaware of that or I would have asked too.” Roman says.

“I know.” Remy says with a gentle smile.

“How do you know that Mal didn’t see what you did for research. How do you know that he won’t come through too?” I say. I just thought about it because if Remy did it then Mal can too.

“I hid the notes and books I used. And when I came through, I burned my notes and made sure to give the books to Logan for safe keeping.” Remy says.

“So that is how you got over here.” I say.

“Yeah.”

My body then betrays me and decides that now is the perfect time to eject all the food that I have eaten. But everyone keeping buckets near me at the time. Roman just lifts it to my mouth and holds it there to make sure that all of it is there.

“Everything is changing.” I say when I have finished.

“I know Virge.” Roman says sitting on the other side of me.

“I’m scared.” I say.

“I know. We have met you Virgil.” Roman says.

“Everything will be ok.” Remy says running his fingers through my hair.

“We will always we there for you. Through thick and thin.” Roman says kissing my forehead.

“Together.” Remy says as Roman and him connect eyes and smile at each other before they smile at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like there was a need for Remy and Roman to talk out feelings because in my opinion Roman would still be jealous even after he started dating Virgil and they have a child on the way. So I thought that he would get his frustrations out.
> 
>  
> 
> If anyone has any suggestions on the name of the child and maybe a role then please suggest them because it will make the naming a lot easier.


	44. The Ultrasound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for Roman and Virgil to go to the doctor's office and get the ultrasound to see their child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading my work and for putting up with the shorter chapter's recently. I have been trying to make them longer without waffling.

Me and Roman are going to the doctor part of the mindscape. This is because it is time for my ultrasound. I’m so excited for this but I’m nervous. There is a part of me is worried that it is not a baby and that there is something really wrong with me. But I’m sure that it is ok.

Everyone else wanted to come as well but I don’t think that would be best and it was Logan and Remy that managed to see that and stop Patton from coming here. So, me and my boyfriend is alone in coming with me. The others do want to see the picture that I will be given and that is fair.

When we get there, he puts his arm around my shoulder before walking in. 

When we get there, we see this machine there and it scares me. I have no idea what that is and it freaks me out.

“It’s fine Virge.” He see’s feeling me tense up.

This is when we see Emile come in. He then see’s us.

“Hello Crea-Roman and Virgil.” Emile says going to the door and closing it and locking it. “Virgil if you would lie down on you back on the table and lift your shirt up to expose your stomach that would be great.” 

I do exactly what he says. It feels strange like this. I don’t normally expose my stomach. They both can see my scars. They have both seen them before, but I still want to pull my shirt down and curl into a ball.

Emile brings a curtain around me and Roman is barely in. Blocking us from sight.

I then vomit into the bucket that is next to the bed.

“Why did you lock the door and close the curtain doc?” Roman asks.

“When Patton was pregnant with Virgil Deceit came to my office and saw Patton getting his ultrasound. He then found his file and saw he was pregnant. I refuse to make the same mistake again.” Emile says with a determination in his voice.

“The issue is Deceit has access to the light side of the mindscape, so he’ll find out eventually.” I say realising this. “He’ll take my baby too.” 

I wrap my arms around myself.

“None of us will let that happen.” Roman says holding my hand.

“Also, you have spent so much time in the dark area you can still go there. Same with Remy. You both can flip flop there at will so if he does take your son you can go and get him back. Don’t worry too much Virgil. It’s bad for the baby.” Emile says with a small smile.

“Ok. I’ll try but no promises.” I say and Roman giggles.

“Ok Virgil. I’m going to put this gel on our stomach. Warning it will be cold.” Emile says pouring the liquid in a pile on my stomach.

“Holy Shit that’s freezing.” I exclaim.

“He did warn you babe.” He says taking my hand.

“What does that do?” I ask when he takes out a device.

“This is connected to the computer and it is what goes against the gel so we can see the little one.” Emile says.

“Sorry I’m asking so many questions.” I say upset.

“Don’t worry. Patton did the exact same thing when he came for his first ultrasound, he asked so many questions I was wondering how many he had.” Emile says. “I love that both of you want to know more than you do because it shows the enthusiasm you have for your baby.”

“Thank you.” I say.

“Will his term be the same as Patton’s because Virgil came into the world be was a week early.” Roman says rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand in a soothing gesture.

“Really I didn’t know that.” I say shocked.

“Yeah you were a week early. We were caught off guard. We knew that you were due any day, yet we weren’t finished preparing the nursery because we thought that we had another couple of days. So, while Logan expected it me and Patton were caught off guard. I stayed while Patton came here to finish the nursery.” Roman says.

“Yeah. They were actually saying to me that they were nervous because they hadn’t finished the nursery.” Emile says with a smile. “I will put a little pressure when I place this on your stomach. Look at this screen and you will be able to see your child.” 

When he presses it to my stomach, and I feel the pressure. Then I look to the screen and see nothing. 

“Don’t worry Virge. He just hasn’t found the place where the baby is yet.” Roman says looking at my face.

So, I cling on to my hope that he will find something. That is when I see it. A black circle with a white dot in the middle. I’m not stupid. I know what that is. That is my son. It is my baby. I love him. I know that I haven’t met him properly yet. He doesn’t even look like a baby. But he is my baby. This is something that me and Roman created together and he is amazing. I look up to my boyfriend and see tear running down his face.

“Are you crying?” I say with tears in my own eyes.

“Yeah. That’s is Virgil. That’s our child. I love him.” Roman says using his free hand to wipe the tears from his face. He then looks to me and wipes the tears from my face.

“Yep. That’s the child. The brain, spinal cord, lungs and heart have begun to develop and, by the end of the first month, the heartbeat will be detected. That will be the next visit when I get the machine sorted. You’ll be able to hear the heartbeat.” Emile says with a smile.

“That would be amazing.” I say in a teary voice. 

“Yeah. That would be perfect. I love you my raven.” Roman says looking to me.

“I love you too.” I say.

Our lips connect in a loving kiss.

_//20 MINUTES LATER//_

Me and Roman make it back to the common room and we were holding hands the whole way there and Patton, Logan and Remy. They look up and see us.

I am still holding the images from the ultrasound. I never want to let them go. I never want to stop looking at it. This is what is currently growing inside me. They all come over to us.

“How was it son?” Logan says putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Amazing and emotional. The gel was also really cold.” I say with a small laugh.

“Yeah. I should have warned you about that.” Patton says with a laugh.

“What is that?” Remy asks pointing at the images in my hand. I have two. 

“These are the pictures.” Roman says kissing the top of my head.

“SHOW ME” Patton shouts.  
I hold one picture in each hand and give one to dad for him and papa to share and I give one to Remy to have a look at.

“Oh my god. That’s the baby isn’t it.” Remy says with a massive smile on his face.

“Yep.” Me and Roman say at the exact same time.

“That’s so cool. I’ve never seen an ultrasound in person.” Remy says.

“Congrats kiddo’s” Patton says still staring at the ultrasound.

“I remember when Patton was pregnant, and we first saw the ultrasound of Virgil and Patton cried so hard when he first saw it. Now we are looking at our baby’s ultrasound. This is crazy. I’m so happy for you two.” Logan says.

“Thank you.” Roman says.

Then I say something with a genuine smile on my face.

“We’re happy too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to allow three more chapters and then I will be no longer accepting name requests but I will be accepting role requests because I still am not sure about which of the suggestions to pick.


	45. Telling a secret in a fun way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the ultrasound the sides realise that one person is still un aware about the pregnancy. But instead of just telling him they decide to have a little fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope that you enjoy this chapter that it is what you wanted. A couple big-ish things happen in this chapter and I am willing to say that more big things will be happening soon so that is something to look forward to.

Everyone is just cooing over the ultrasound pictures clearly happy. I know to some people it will b strange but very soon this will be a living and breathing baby even if it looks like a strange golf ball right now.

I’m cuddling further into Roman as we hold the third ultrasound between us and just smile. This is currently growing inside me. I love him already.

“As grandparents, do we have permission to spoil.” Patton says looking at us.

“Go for it. Spoil our son. Just as long as he doesn’t end up a brat.” I say. There is nothing worse than a brat in my opinion and I refuse to let my son end up like that.

“Why are you saying son. You don’t know what gender the baby will have.” Remy says.

“Thomas is a male and associates as such. Therefore, all his sides will be male too. Even the ones that were born into the mindscape” Logan explains to Remy.

“That makes sense.” Remy says.

“You know. I just realised that we haven’t told Thomas about Virgil’s pregnancy.” Roman says with a nervous giggle.

“I forgot about that too.” I say.

“How should we tell him?” Logan says.

“I want to mess with him a little. I have a plan, but Patton can I have a little help.” I say with a smirk.

Patton looks confused but nods.

When we have discussed the plan and when that is done everyone except Remy popped up in the real world.

They see Thomas there watching the office bloopers and he looks very confused as they all pop up in their normal spots.

“Hey guys. Is something going on?” Thomas says nervous. Making me nervous because Thomas feel a less intense version of what we feel if it matches what we are. So, when he is nervous, I feel borderline panic attack level. This is not good for the baby.

“Thomas carry out breathing exercises. You’re going to give Virge an anxiety attack.” Patton says.

Thomas looks guilty before carrying out his breathing exercises to calm himself and me down.

“Thank you.” I say when we are both calm.

“No problem. Sorry about that.” Thomas says. “Now somebody tell me why you all are here. I can tell it is something.”

Now it’s time to carry out my plan. And I nod at Patton.

He walks over to Thomas and hands him my ultrasound but doesn’t say a word. Thomas looks at it and his mouth drops open and he stares at dad with wide eyes.

“You’re… what.” Thomas says about to hug Patton when he says.

“No.” 

“What.” Thomas says concerned.

“I’m not pregnant.” Patton says with his smile growing wider.

“Then why show me an ultrasound?” Thomas says confused.

“I said I’m not pregnant. Didn’t say that someone else wasn’t pregnant.” Patton says with a sing song voice.

“Then who is?” Thomas says before it clicks. He looks to me. “Are you?”

I nod at him. “I’m pregnant.”

Thomas looks ecstatic before running over to me and he throws his arms around me. 

“Congratulations.” He says. Both him and me are hugging.

“Who’s the father?” Thomas asks as he pulls away.

“I forgot we didn’t tell you.” I say with a smile.

“So, I know it wasn’t Patton and Logan because ew.” Thomas says.

Roman raises his hand. Thomas looks thrilled again. Before running over to my boyfriend and throwing his arms around him.

“So, we know that Thomas is happy.” Logan says as Thomas hugs the air out of my boyfriend. Logan then goes over to Patton and puts his arm around his shoulder. 

“How do you two feels about this?” Thomas says when he pulls away from the fanciful side and faces the married couple.

“So happy. You have no idea.” Logan says.

“Virgil has given us permission to spoil.” Patton says.

“Ooh. I’m taking that as permission for me to spoil.” Thomas says.

“Go for it.” I say.

“Remy has permission to spoil too.” Roman says. Me and Logan face palm.

“Ok A) like father like son and B) who’s Remy?” Thomas asks. “Is it another side I don’t know about.” 

“Yes. Remy is my best friend. He looked after me while I was a child and even after. He represents insomnia.” I say.

“So, he’s good.” Thomas says.

“Oh, he an amazing person. When that … incident happened, he told us stories of Virgil as a child. They were quite amusing.” Logan says.

“He was actually the first one I told about my pregnancy. That says a lot.” I say.

“It was funny. He was too scared to tell us that he was knocked up, so he told Remy first. I was the last to find out.” Roman says.

“Yep. That sounds like Virgil.” Thomas says with a wink towards me. “Can I meet Remy. Not on camera of course.”

“I’ll go back and ask.” I say before sinking back to the mindscape.

When I get there, I see Remy sitting on the couch. 

“Did he fall for it?” Remy says taking a drink out of his coffee.

“Totally. He looked so nervous when Patton said that he wasn’t pregnant.” I say with a laugh.

“Why are you back and not the others?” Remy says.

“Roman talked about you in front of Thomas and when he asked, we said who you are. He then asked to meet you.” I say nervously.

“So, you’re here to take me to him.” Remy says with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m here to ask your permission.” I correct.

“One second then.” Remy says before crossing the room, grabbing the bucket and coming back to me. “I give permission.”

I then take Remy’s hand and we go to the real world. When we get there, we see Thomas looking over to us.

“So, you’re Remy.” Thomas says.

“Yes.” The sleepy side says while he is laced with nerves.

“Why do you have a bucket?” Thomas asks.

And like my body was waiting for this question it decides that now is the perfect time to eject all the food I have eaten recently. I snatch the bucket from Remy’s hand and begin to vomit into it. Remy rubs my back as I do it. Roman then comes over to us. When I’m done Roman takes the bucket off me to go empty as Remy sits me down because I lose all my strength after being sick.

“That’s why.” Logan says.

“We keep buckets everywhere now.” Roman says carrying an empty bucket over to me again kissing my head and taking his spot again. “It’s something we started doing when Patt was pregnant that stuck with Virgil.” 

“I vomited everywhere.” Patton says with a laugh.

“I can believe it. So, Remy I think we need some time with just us two to talk things over and get to know each other better because from what I have been told you’re not a bad person at all. I did it with Virge.” 

“That’s true. We just had a long chat so we could get to know more. It was really nice.” I say.

Remy nods. “Ok. Not today though. I think you finding out two sides in your mindscape is enough for today.” He says.

“I agree. I’m sorry Thomas but I know your limits and doing this today will not be a good thing” I say before biting my nail.

“Ok. He only does that when he gets anxious so I think we should go back.” Roman says.

He is completely right I am beginning to feel overwhelmed by everything going on. I have also been around people for too long. I need time alone. I’m glad that Roman is beginning to pick up on my signals for when I am anxious.

“Yeah. I think that at least it is time for Virgil to go. Is that alright son?” Logan says looking over to me.

“Yeah. I don’t need to take the bucket I have one in my room and a conjoining bathroom. I just need me time.” I say

“Ok kiddo. Just remember that if you need anything then just shout and I’ll bring food to you in your room. So, you can just spend the rest of the night alone.” Patton says.

“Thank you.” I say.

“Ok. So, Thomas we are going to sink back down. You will see more of us soon because we do need to spend more time with you without your endless stream of dilemmas. Someone will have to sink Virgil down. It’s not a good idea that he uses that much energy after being sick. Remy do you know how to get back to the mindscape?” Logan says.

“I think so.” Remy says.

“Ok. Patton stay behind to make sure that Remy can make it back ok. I’ll take Virgil back to the mindscape so he can go back to his room.” Roman says.

Everyone nods. We all say goodbye to Thomas before Roman grabs a hold of my shoulders and sinking back to the mindscape.

Keeping true to their words the other sides leave me alone the rest of the day and night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda forgot that Thomas wasn't told about the baby. I like the way they did it though. 
> 
> Remember to recommend names for the baby because in two chapters name requests will stop being accepted so please remember that fact. Also soon I will be revealing what the second place name will be used for and I like the idea I had.


	46. Visiting the Host

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is the only one in the common room and after realising that Thomas would be awake by now he decided to pay him a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that you all only have one chapter left to suggest names. There will be next chapter but after that the name suggestions will stop being accepted. The second name picked will be revealed soon and why it has been done. Trust me when I say that I like what I am going to use it for.

When I am rested up, I get up and leave my room. I feel so much better than I did yesterday. I’m so happy that they are beginning to adapt to my needs. I am aware that I need help from the others more than ever at this stage in my life. But I’m an anti-social mess so I need time to myself so it’s amazing that everyone managed to step back.

It is also amazing that Roman was able to step back and let me spend some much-needed time on my own. He has been surrounding me more often just to make sure that I am alright. It is actually really sweet but slightly annoying because he is babying me a little bit. I’ve always been quite independent because I’ve had to be and now people are trying to help me as much as possible and keep as much stress off me as possible. Remy has tried to do this in the past, but it is strange that everyone is doing this. I feel like I’m not pulling my weight.

When I get downstairs, I see that the common room is empty. I think Patton and Logan are in their room while I know that Remy and Roman are still sleeping. When I get to the table, I see three plates with a note saying _’this is your breakfast and Virgil I have made lemon water and it is in the fridge. Love you all xxx Patton.’_

This is really sweet. He knows that I have been drinking a lot of lemon water. Cravings will start during the end of my first trimester and will be stronger during my second trimester. I’m currently six weeks so I’m half way to the cravings. Emile didn’t tell me this I just asked dad and did a butt ton of research. I don’t want to leave anything to chance. Because I’m me.

When I have finished eating, I realise that I don’t want to be alone and I look at the time I realise it is mid-day and I realise that Thomas is awake. He never sleeps past mid-day, so I decide to go and spend some time with the host.

When I pop into the real-world Thomas looks caught off guard. And I did make sure that I brought a bucket because I refuse to vomit all over his house.

“Hey Virge. What you are doing up here?” Thomas says confused.

“Patton and Logan are hanging out, Remy and Roman are sleeping and I realised that it has been two long from when the last time we hung out just the two of us, so I decided to come up here. Absolutely no hidden agenda.”

“Ok. I was planning on summoning you anyway. I need to talk to you but don’t worry nothing bad at all.” Thomas says.

“Ok. What is it?” I ask more confused than worried.

“When Patton was pregnant with you, we weren’t on YouTube and we were able to keep it on the down low. But now we are on camera and you all are being yourselves. That will be a bit of an issue as you get bigger. The fans have no idea that you all exist and that it is not just me pretending to be made up characters. They will most likely become very confused if ‘I’ end up showing up on camera heavily pregnant.” Thomas says.

“What do you think we should do?” I ask.

“I think to begin with everything will be fine. We just need to make sure that a bucket is kept near you at all times and while you have a small bump because it won’t be too noticeable, and your hoodie should be able to hide it to begin with. Joan and Talyn are aware that all of you exist. However, we do need to tell them about the child because they don’t know that it is even possible. I think when you start showing clearly, I think it is best if you stay behind the camera with them and I pretend that I am you like the fans think. In my opinion it would be better to hide this as much as possible. You can also tell me that if what I say if not you at all.” Thomas explains.

“So, it would be like in that video where your friends pretended to be us.” I say.

“Exactly.” Thomas says. “I know you love being in the video’s and I’m sorry that I’m going to take you out of them for a while, but this has to happen.”

“I know. I’m a little upset but I completely understand and I’m still going to be included and I can sit back and laugh at what is happening in front of the camera.” I say with a giggle.

“Yeah. You normally do that behind the camera when you are not needed for a video. All of you stifle laughs when you are not in the video. Patton and Logan were nearly purple at you two during the Disney video.” Thomas says.

“I remember. It’s lucky that you have more than one camera to film us because that would be a pain.” I say

I remember when Joan and Talyn found out we exist before the first video. I don’t think I have ever heard of two people more surprised by anything. Thomas didn’t know I existed at this time so I wasn’t there to see it but from what I was told by the others that it was impressive. I wish I could have been there.

“It’s crazy to think about how far we have come from there.” Thomas says and I nod.

“It really is. You didn’t know I existed back then. And then when you did you hated me. And now we are sitting and just talking without you asking me why I am making you anxious.” I say with a smirk.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. To be fair you have been calming down a little bit.” Thomas says.

“You do know that soon I will be all hormonal and your anxiety will be worse than before.” I say.

“I know. I understand. I was an emotional mess when Patton was pregnant, so I get it.” Thomas says putting his hand on my shoulder to try and calm me down.

“Thank you. We’re going to have to tell Talyn and Joan about the baby soon. Or they’ll get very confused when only one of your sides suddenly gain weight.” I say with a grin.

“Yeah. I would like to see their reaction to a bump. It would be fairly amazing.” Thomas says with a laugh.

“We should wait until then just to mess with them.” I say. “It could be revenge for pouring water all over you to wake them up.” 

“Yes. That will be amazing.” I say with a sly grin.

“It would be.” Thomas says.

I then get a text and when I look down to the phone. I see that Logan has texted me telling me that it is ok that I am up here but that I need to get back down and rest some of my energy because apparently staying up here in the first trimester is not the best thing to do. I tell Thomas this.

“Then you should get going.” Thomas says.

“Sorry.” I say.

“No problem honestly.” He says.

“I’ll be here more in the second trimester. Bye.” I say.

“I know. Bye.” 

I sink back into the mindscape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to make Thomas's appearances in the story not very common to show that they don't go to him often. But I think that I will including him more now because it has been ages since he has been included in the story.


	47. Pranks and Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has come back to the mindscape because it is not a good idea for him to be up in the real world for too long during his first trimester. When he see's that the people in the kitchen don't see him he decides to pull a prank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that everyone enjoys this chapter.

When I get back into the mindscape, I see that Patton and Logan are sitting at the table talking. Logan has his phone next to him and I can’t see Patton’s phone, but I know it is somewhere. He always has it on him. We all do just in case we need to get in contact with each other on short notice or quickly. It is a good thing to have in place.

They haven’t seen me yet, so I decided to have a little fun and I duck down behind the couch and wait. I know by the time that Roman and Remy are awake, so I don’t need to worry about waking them up. Though I do send them a quick text in case Patton screams which he normally does.

“Hey. Do you think that Virgil got your text? He might still be up there.” Dad says to his husband.

“It said Read on the messaging app. Maybe he has gone into his room.” Papa answers.

“I’ll go check.” 

This is when I take the chance. When he gets near the couch I leap out and shout. Patton screams and jumps a foot in the air while Logan jumps too but quieter. I laugh my head off as the moral side holds his chest and sinks to the floor beside the couch. I have tears rolling down my face when I am finished laughing.

“Got you guys.” I say between heaving breaths.

“You fucker.” Logan says resting his head on the table.

“I hate it when you do that.” Patton says putting his head in his hands.

“Well I don’t hate it.” I say with a laugh.

“Well at least your happy son.” Logan says.

“Yeah. We need to change the subject before I start to shout at people. Let’s talk about what you’re going to do in videos when you get a larger bump. You should be getting a small bump soon, but it will get a lot bigger kiddo.” Patton says looking at me.

“Actually, that’s what me and Thomas were talking about before we had a bit of a catch up.” I say before I fill them in on the plan.

“That makes sense. And I know that you will laugh yourself silly at us because you do when you aren’t in the video.” Logan says with a smirk.

“We have some very strange conversations about what is happening in Thomas’s life. You only really realise when you are watching it happen that it is very strange. And some of you do say some very funny things though.” I say.

“Yeah. We have all seen the behind the camera and we have all be there when we were trying to contain our laughter. At one point I thought that you were going to burst a blood vessel with you trying to contain it. You were bright red. When the camera was turned off you let it out the laughter. That was the hardest I had ever heard you laugh at the time.” The logical side says with a small laugh.

“I remember that. Not what I found that funny but definitely something it is really fuzzy.” I say before flinging my hand over my mouth and begin to reach for the bucket that is close to the couch but just out of reach.

Before Patton can get the bucket to me, I vomit all over the floor. When I’m done it hits in and I feel terrible. I just vomited all over the floor when there is a bucket right there. Why couldn’t I get off my ass and get it or after I scared my parents why didn’t I pick it up and bring it closer. I’m such a piece of shit. Tearing me out of my spiralling thoughts is papa.

“Hey Virgil. It’s alright. This is not your fault. Patton has gone to get supplies to clean it up. Everything is ok.” Logan says pressing the bucket into my hands.

“I’m sorry” I say between sobs.

“It’s fine. This was always going to happen with morning sickness. Patton had already been sick all over the floor approximately twice by this time. We have expected this to happen.” Logan says wiping the tears from my face.

Patton then comes back with cleaning supplies and begins to wipe the floor clean of all the vomit. I am aware that this is not something that I can control but I still feel terrible. I just made a massive mess and now I am not cleaning up after myself. Where the fuck are my manners. I know deep down that they aren’t going to let me help because being sick takes a lot of energy out of me and I know that they are only trying to help. But this means that I am going without helping the others and that is all I know. I know that if you fuck up then you fix it, apologise for a while and then maybe the punishment would be lighter but not for sure.

Since I came here that has all be thrown out the window. I was used to being punched in the chest for dropping a plastic cup. When I first got here, I did get death glares but that was it. I haven’t been hit since then and even after I have vomited all over the floor all I get is hugs and whispered reassurances. This is so different than anything I raised by. This is what it could have been. I could have been raised with love and not fists. I could have been given a proper childhood. The one I hope to give my child who is currently growing inside my stomach. 

I don’t wish that it was any different though. I know that I went through years of abuse and don’t want to go back and change it. I know that those experiences made me the person I am today. They made me more careful and I know how to best protect my host. I also know what to avoid doing to my baby when I am raising him. Probably the thing that gets me the most is I wouldn’t have met and become friends with Remy because I wouldn’t have been down there. Me and Roman would also have most likely never gotten together to make this child. There is so much positives that I got from those negatives. And I don’t regret any of it.

“Ok kiddo. This has all been cleaned up. Everything is fixed now. There won’t even be a stain.” Patton says to me.

“Thank you.” I say extremely grateful.

Yeah. I’m happy that all the sleepless nights, pain and constant heartache because it led me here to these people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last time you can suggest names for the baby. After this they most likely won't be accepted and I'm sorry for that but I need time to choose the names and I think that if I keep it open for longer then this then it will just drag on for no reason. However, this may not be enough time for some people so I will be lenient.


	48. Nightmares and nostalgic objects.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is awoken by a nightmare and he is lost in thought until there is a quiet knock on the door and the person ehind it has something to give him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said there was going to be a second use for the name's you all have been sending in.
> 
>  
> 
> By the way the user who suggested the name will be given a shout out in the other note.

I wake up with a start. I has been a couple weeks since I vomited all over the floor and it has not happened since. I am about 9 weeks along because I was almost 7 weeks when that happened. And now I am getting less sick and it is amazing.

I don’t have many nightmares ever since I was brought back from the dead. But when they do, they come back with a vengeance. This one was terrible, and I make every effort not to shout. I know that I’m not in the dark side portion any more. But the others need sleep and I’m not going to take that from them. I can get over it myself. I have done it before I can do it again.

This is when I hear a gentle knock on my bedroom door. It startles me so much that I fall out of my bed. My butt falls into the bucket that is right by my bed. Luckily due to my morning sickness not being as bad as it used to it was empty so I don’t have sick all over my ass because that would suck.

The person at the door decides to come in and that is when I see that it is just Remy. And when he see’s me and he is laughing but he is being as quiet as possible because everyone is sleeping. At least he is being considerate of that as he laughs his head off at me.

“Hey Remy. Little help.” I whisper with a small giggle.

As he walks over and pulls me out the bucket, he whispers “Only you,” to me.

“You startled me when you knocked on the door, so this is your fault.” I say defensively.

“Sorry girl. My bad.” Remy says pulling me into a hug.

“It’s fine. At least there is nothing in it.” I say with a laugh.

“I did bring you something that might be able to help.” Remy says pushing something to my hands.

When I look down, I see my old teddy bear in my arms. It was small so it fit perfectly under my arms when I was a child. Remy gave it to me when he first met me because he knew children having a teddy is normal, so he decided to give one to me.

“My old teddy bear. How?” I say so happy. I cuddle it closer to me

“Yeah. Just before I came up here, I was looking for stuff to put in my room and bring with me and I found myself in the basement which still had all your stuff. I thought you were gone at the time and when I saw your bear was there, I decided that it was what I wanted to bring with me more than anything. It reminded me of you, and I couldn’t find it in me to leave it behind. And I kinda forgot to give it back to you but now I remembered you need it more than me.” Remy says rubbing my arms up and down.

“Thank you.” I say.

“Let’s try and get you back to sleep.” Remy says. “Take the bear with you.”

I nod. Then I settle to sleep with Remy stroking my hair and I’m cuddling the teddy bear that brought me so much comfort as a child.

 

When I wake up, I notice that Remy is gone but the teddy bear is still tucked under my arm. For some reason I am so happy to see it. It reminds me of the times when everything was easier. 

When I sit up and look down to the bear, I decide, I don’t really need this bear. I have a lot on my mind. I know we need to conjure things for the baby, but it is difficult because we don’t have a nursery yet. Another room will appear just for the nursery however it will disappear when the child grows up to a certain stage and then the room appears. I don’t know whether it will appear in the same spot or not because it didn’t for me. But I know that the nursery will be next to one of the parent’s rooms. I know it will be Roman’s because I am sandwiched between Roman and Remy.

I think it is cute that Logan and Patton’s rooms are next to each-other.

Hang on. I didn’t dream last night. I’m going to murder Remy. He knows that he was put to sleep last night and he knows that pisses me off unless I am extremely sleep deprived to the point of being destructive not just to myself but Thomas too. I wasn’t that tired so yeah, I going to kill him later.

Just as I am lost in thought looking at the bear, I hear my bedroom door open.

 

“Hey babe.” Says the person at the door.

“Hey Ro.” I say while looking up to him.

“How did you sleep in later than me?” My boyfriend asks.

“Remy. I had a nightmare, so he made me sleep. So naturally I’m going to kill him later.” I say.

“Of course, you will.” Roman says “What is that?”

Roman points at the bear.

“My bear I had when I was a kid. Remy gave it to me shortly after I met him, and I took it everywhere. I was thinking we could give it to the baby.” I say.

“That’s really cute. Every child needs a teddy bear. Did you name him?” Roman says taking it from me.

“Koda. I called him Koda.” I say with an embarrassed grin.

“Like Koda from brother bear.” Roman says.

“Yeah. I really liked the movie as a kid, and it is a bear, so it ended up being called Koda.” I explain my face going bright red.

“I like it.” Roman says. “I didn’t know that you always liked Disney.” 

“Always. It is one of the few things that I like that carried on from when I was a child. The first Disney movie I watched was the Lion King and I cried so hard.” I say with a laugh.

“Oh that’s cruel. Making your first one the Lion King.” Roman says with a laugh.

“Remy knew what he was doing.” I say with a laugh. “He laughed so hard at me when I was sobbing.”

“Asshole.” Roman says jokingly.

“Yeah. I only realised what he did when I grew up and I put Lego in his slippers.” I say.

“Didn’t realise you were vindictive.” Roman says.

“Yeah. I always have been. Remy wouldn’t let me play on his phone, so I decided to get it myself. Remember the story of when he had to put a password on it.” I say.

“I hope that our child is not as vengeful as you.” Roman says placing a hand on my stomach.

When he does his eyes fly open and he looks downwards to my stomach.

“What’s wrong?” I ask scared.

“You have a little bump. This is actually happening.” Roman says with tears in his eyes.

I lift up my shirt and look at my stomach. Sure enough there is a little bump. I start to cry.

“I’m really pregnant. I have the physical proof on me.” I say.

“I love you my raven.” 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the second name was being used for Virgil's childhood teddy bear. And the name Koda came from _AFan_ (it is there username I'm not just hiding their name). Thank you everyone for the name suggestions and I have picked both of them (so yes I know the babies name - no spoilers).


	49. Cuddles and Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil are cuddling but there is someone Virgil needs to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is bad. In Britain it is just past dinner and I literally wrote the chapter today because I had the inkling of an idea and I ran with it. I had terrible writers block with it. I had literally nothing until earlier today.

Me and Roman cuddle for a while but it doesn’t feel like long enough. His hand doesn’t leave my stomach. It’s like he’s not just cuddling me but cuddling our child too. I don’t think I have loved anyone more than I love this man who is holding me right now. He accepts all my faults and he understands that I need time on my own and he loves the good parts too. He loves every part of me, and I love every part of him. I’m so happy.

When he begins to pull away, I follow him with my body before I realise what I am doing and pull away too. Roman laughs at it.

“Someone likes cuddles.” Roman says beginning to run his hand through my hair which I sink into.

“I really do.” I say a little out of it.

This is when Roman’s eyes light up. “You’re like a cat.”

“No, I’m not.” I say.

“You are.” Roman says.

“Am not.” 

“Are too.”

“How?” I say.

“You hiss, you sit on anything that is not a chair, you like to be pet but if someone you don’t trust pets you then they face the rage of a thousand suns and when you do sleep you sleep in a ball.” Roman says.

“I can see your point. I never thought about it.” I say thinking about it.

“You really are contemplative about this. I think at some point we need to dress you up as a cat.” Roman says.

“Too late.” I say with a giggle. “Remy beat you to it.”

“Damn it Remy.” Roman says.

“What I do.” The couple’s heads whip to the door to see Remy there.

“Remy I know what you did last night.” I say glaring at him.

“You needed sleep.” Remy says like it is the most obvious thing in the planet.

“I was fine.” I say.

“Logan told me if you have a nightmare to put you to sleep because the pregnancy will take a lot of energy from you and that if you missed a night’s sleep it would be terrible on you and the child so I was just trying to help.” Remy says defensively.

“Ok add Logan to people I need to talk to.” I say.

“He’s just looking out for you.” Roman says stroking my hair.

“He didn’t tell me about those instructions.” I say bitterly.

“He didn’t.” Remy says seeming genuinely surprised.

“Nope. This isn’t exactly information that can harm me unless you count the fact that I’m pissed off.” I say.

“I can tell kitten.” Roman says completely serious.

“I’m not a cat. Remy do I act like a cat?” I say

“I can totally see that.” Remy says with a grin.

When I scowl Roman says, “see you look like a kitten who had it’s toy taken away. You’re so cute.”

“Fuck off.”

“I have your next Halloween costume sorted.” Remy says in a sing song voice.

“You already did that when I was a child.” I say.

“Yeah. You can do that again.” Remy says grinning.

“I’m anxiety. Everyone hates an anxious cat because they scratch everyone.” I say

“But when you gain there trust it is the most rewarding experience because you know the trust is real and earned.” Roman says.

I look at him in shock. I was never expecting that response.

“It describes you perfectly. And cats are normally more protective and defensive when pregnant or shortly after having the baby. That’s you.” Remy says with a smirk that I want to slap of his face in the nicest way possible.

“Well at least the child will be protected.” Roman says looking a little apprehensive. “An over protective father is better than an under protective one.”

“You don’t seem too thrilled.” I say with my signature smirk.

“I don’t want you hissing at the four of us whenever we go close to the bump or the baby.” Roman says.

“I trust you guys it’s fine.” I say.

“Good. It would be a pain in the padded ass if I couldn’t cuddle my nephew without facing the wrath of Virgil.”


	50. Behind the Back Agreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil found out that Remy and Logan made an agreement about him behind his back. This is also the same day they noticed his baby bump. In a reasonable reaction he was pissed. This is him confronting Logan about this.

When we finally leave my room, I see that lunch in on the table with Patton and Logan there. 

“Hey kiddo’s where were you? You missed breakfast.” Patton says.

“We were in Virge’s room. Me and him noticed the bump for the first time and we just stayed there.” Roman says.

“That’s so cute.” Patton says.

“Trust me when I say me, and Patton did the exact same thing. It was quite overwhelming.” Logan says with a nostalgic smile.

“I know. I didn’t see you both for a good afternoon and I got very confused. Only to find out that they had been cuddling the whole time. It was a hell of a lot more impressive when you kicked for the first time.” Roman says to the two who weren’t there.

“I can see that.” I say.

“I see Patton, but Logan seems like the kind of person who would say it is a waste of time.” Remy says with a giggle.

“No. He is probably the sappiest of us when he lets himself do it kiddo.” Patton says gently poking his husband in the rib.

“I am not. I am just looking out for people.” Logan says defensively.

“Of course, you are Logan.” Roman says laced with sarcasm.

“By the way Papa. If you tell someone to do something that you think is good for me can you tell me. That would be great.” I say in a sarcastic tone. 

Logan shoots Remy a death glare.

“To be fair babe. I did say that it would be best to tell him.” Patton says.

_” You know too!”_

“Yeah. I was there for that conversation. You and Roman are the only two that are unaware of this. I wanted to tell you, but Logan said that it may cause you stress and that isn’t good during your first trimester. Me and Remy wanted to but Lo put his foot down.” Patton says.

“Oh really.” Roman says. “Next time you all have a little chat about my boyfriend please invite us too. We might find it helpful.”

“Sorry.” Remy says.

“Also, Logan. Did you think that it would cause me less stress because I would eventually find out about this plan? You know I get pissed when I get put to sleep when it is not needed.” I say.

“Sorry. I thought that it would be what was best.” Logan says looking down to the floor.

“I know. I don’t mind you coming up with ways to help me. It is useful. Like the food that helped Patton reduce his morning sickness. It helped me millions and now I am rarely sick and vomiting my brain out. I just want to be told about it. I hate it when people say what is best for me without my knowledge or permission.” I say.

Remy looks down to the floor. I have no idea why. What the hell is he hiding from me?

“Let’s just agree that if people agree something that is agreed about one of us then we tell the person that it is concerning. I don’t want this to happen again.” Roman says with a pointed look at Logan.

“Agreed.” I say.

The other three in the room nod at this. So now it is agreed. 

This can happen. New rules for all of us start due to something that happened with us. This is a perfect example of when this happens. I don’t mind it because it is a good sign. It means that they recognise that something that happened hurt someone and we do not want it to happen again. So, a new rule is added. But it is never to the point where it is impossible or hard to follow. But it is enough to make the person it is aimed to protect feel safer.

“I think that all of us need to spend more time together.” Remy says hopefully.

“Agreed.” Logan says.

“One thing. Before we go and chill. Do you mind?” Patton says hovering his hands close to my stomach.

“Go for it. There won’t be any kicking yet but there is a bump.” I say.

Patton then puts his hands on my stomach and squeals.

“This is crazy.” Patton says. “Feeling my baby’s baby bump.”

“It is a strange thought. I remember when you were pregnant with him.” Logan says to Patton.

“I don’t.” Remy says.

“Me neither.” I say and the others laugh.

“Of course, you don’t Virge. You were a foetus.” Logan says and the others laugh too.

We then sit down on the couch so all five of us can watch TV. 

However, after about half an hour, something that nobody wanted to happen happens.

All five of us against our will are shoved against a wall and our hands are over our mouths.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what our old friend has to say.


	51. Secrets revealed to the enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit has cornered the sides and secrets will be revealed on both sides of the coin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to be busy tomorrow so I had the choice to make this either a day late or early. So I decided to make it a day early. It will end the cliffhanger early. 
> 
> I hope you don't mind.

When I look up, I see the face of Deceit staring back at us. Looking specifically at me. Something is wrong with this.

“Well, well, well. What _haven’t_ we got here.” Deceit says with a smirk on his face.

It looks so much like the smirk that breaks across my face. I guess that is where I get it from. 

“It _isn’t_ amazing to see the mighty fall.” Deceit says. “You must have thought you _weren’t_ the shit walking round here thunder cloud. Acting like you rule the mindscape. Acting like me and Mal _do_ exist.”

My eyes widen. Ever since I was a child Deceit always called me thunder cloud. Roman tried to call me it once and I had an anxiety attack. He never knew why. Well now he does. 

“You can do _everything_ to make sure that we don’t come to see you.” Deceit says getting close to me.

He releases my hand from my mouth, but I am still stuck to the wall.

“I _didn’t_ want to bring you back with me killing you. But it obviously _did_ work. But no matter. I _am_ surprised. It _wasn’t_ a shot in the dark.” Deceit says.

“Then why did you do it? Why kill me when you thought that it wouldn’t work.” I say beginning to get angry.

“I _didn’t_ think that killing you would work. But I _didn’t_ want to try. Also, I it _didn’t_ throw all five of you off.” Deceit says.

“Are you here to take me back?” I say beginning to feel anxiety irradiating from the others.

“ _Yes_ Don’t worry. I am _not_ here to see you and to check up and see how things are going with you thunder cloud.” Deceit says beginning to stroke my cheek. I can tell even without looking at him that Roman I going to be pissed at Deceit over this.

“I just _don’t_ want to check that you are ok and to see how brain washed you _aren’t_.” Deceit says quietly and seeming private to me. Like the others aren’t standing right next to us and gripping on to every word that is being said.

He begins to run his hands over my arms and sides I think checking for injuries, but I have no idea why. He then runs my hand over my stomach and his eyes widen and I am forced to look into his multi-coloured eyes. It is rare I have seen him this pissed. He then sharply pulls up my shirt revealing not only the scars that litter my abdomen but my stomach with is standing out a little more due to the child that is currently growing.

“We can’t get fat.” Deceit says so angry that he isn’t lying. This is bad. “You’re fucking pregnant.” 

This makes everyone terrified especially me. Deceit knows about the child now. Mal will most likely find out about this soon too. This is fucked up.

He releases me from my hold on the wall and fall to the floor. Knowing this isn’t the end I begin to feel terrified.

He leans down and grabs me by the face forcing me to look up to him. 

“Who?” Deceit says. “Who the fuck did this to you?” 

I don’t answer. I will never answer to him. I will never put him in danger.

“I’m guessing it’s not Patton or Logan because they’re your parents and even you aren’t that gross.” Deceit says finally accepting that I know who I am.

“So, Remy or Roman.” Deceit says.

“I’m not telling you.” I say. He backhands me for it. “Are you really not above beating someone who’s pregnant?”

Deceit looks shocked at that. “I didn’t. I mean, I can’t.” He says in a quiet voice. 

“You actually have a little bit of a conscience. Do you just not want to beat a pregnant man?” I say with my anger growing. “Or is it the reason that you have been so obsessed with me since I became an adult.” 

I say because I’m pissed, and I can tell he’ll never hurt me because I’m pregnant. It’s when I’m not pregnant that I’m really going to regret this I can tell already.

“You think I was always fast asleep. You think I never noticed something was going on. I set up a camera you know. You think I don’t know that after I grew into an adult that you used to sneak into my bedroom at night and watch me sleep.” I say with anger.

Nobody has any idea how violated I felt when I found out what had been going on. Everyone is vulnerable when they sleep, and I thought I was fine when I was in my room and nobody can hurt me. To find out that the man who constantly beat my ass was sitting by my bedside watching me sleep was terrifying. And I never told anyone. Including Remy.

“You know.” Deceit shouts. 

“Of course. I’m anxiety. I’m always alert to some degree.” I say. “Why? Why the hell did you watch me sleep? Why are you trying so hard to bring me back? What is your obsession with me?” I say.

When those words come out of my mouth Deceit does the last thing, I ever expected them to do and I am horrified by it.

While keeping a tight hold on my face so I can’t squirm away he pulls me towards him and firmly kisses my lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who was expecting that then.


	52. Last thing they expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Virgil asks Deceit what his obsession with him is the lying side kisses the anxious side and he is horrified. But when he is done Virgil begins to spiral and it causes the others to panic because of some medical instructions given to everyone due to Virgil's current situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I hope that everyone enjoys this chapter. Sorry for the cliff-hanger last chapter.

Deceit’s kiss is nothing like Roman’s kisses at all. Roman’s are loving, it always make me feel warm inside. Deceit’s is possessive. Like he is saying that I will always be his and I will never truly escape him. It is horrible I hate everything about this situation.

When Deceit pulls away, he looks into my face and smiles into my face with an almost dazed look at me. 

I guess he decided he has done everything he needs to because he leaves the room extremely quickly and lets the other down from the wall. 

I pull my knees into my stomach and curl into a ball as I begin to cry. I hate hormones. But it isn’t really hormones. It is fear. I’m terrified that the others will hate me for this. That Roman will leave me for this. I kissed someone else right in front of him. I basically cheated on him. He will hate me. The others hate will me. I’m going to be alone again. I can’t be alone again.

But this will be the reality I have to face.

This is when I feel arm wrap around me. I don’t know who it is. I can’t hear anything. I can’t breathe. On some level I register that I am having an anxiety attack, but I can’t do anything to stop it. I can vaguely hear someone counting realising that he is trying to regulate my breathing so I try but it is so much harder than I thought it would be. It’s harder than it ever has been before. 

When I finally manage to slow my breathing down I see that it was in-fact Remy that was holding on to me. The others however are looking down on me extremely worried.

“You calm now.” Remy mutters into my ear.

When I nod Roman seems to think that it is enough.

“I’m going to fucking kill that bastard.” He shouts.

“Ro not a good time. We have to get Virge to Emile.” Patton says nervous.

“Why?” He says still pissed.

“Stress, especially anxiety are extremely unhealthy for someone who is pregnant and it can really harm the child. Virgil had a severe anxiety attack. Emile said if he has an anxiety attack than it would be advisable to send him to him but Virge had an extreme one. We have no choice.” Logan says.

“We can be pissed at Deceit later but now we have to go.” Remy says quickly.

Roman puts one arm behind my shoulders and one hand underneath my knees. He begins to carry me as I pass out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I wake up, I am at the doctor’s office on the desk with only Emile standing there.

“Welcome back Virgil.” Emile says.

“Hi.” I say.

“You’ve been out for about an hour. I made the others leave so when you woke up you wouldn’t crowd you all at once.” Emile says helping me sit up while trying to comfort me.

“An hour.” I say scared. “How’s the baby?” 

“He’s fine. I did an ultrasound before Roman left because he wanted to see that, and the baby was 100% fine.” Emile says.

I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“That’s amazing.” I say relieved.

“Wait an hour and then go back. You need to calm down. I’ll go to my office to give you that time alone and if you want me come and get me. Please remember to breathe.” Emile says before leaving to his office.

When I go back to the common room the others look up when they see me. Roman walks over to me and pulls me into a hug.

“You alright now my raven.” He asks before kissing my forehead.

“Yeah. I’m good.” I say.

“Virgil look.” Patton says.

Patton rarely ever calls me Virgil. It’s always nicknames. Something is wrong.

“All of us were talking while you were out. And it’s time that we told you the truth of what Deceit said about me. It’s time to tell you what happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't like a backstory.


	53. A past revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others sides past is revealed to Virgil. What Patton did in the past is revealed. And some hidden truths are revealed that are unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that all of you like these explanations and they live up to any expectations you have.
> 
> Fun fact this is the largest chapter I have ever written. This chapter was 11 pages and normally I write only 4 pages.
> 
> By the way all the flashbacks are Patton's POV except if they say otherwise which it will at one point.

I look up in Patton in shock. That was the last thing that I was expecting. But I am extremely curious, so I sit down where Logan gestures and look up to the others and listen to what they need to say.

“Some of it will be shocking and some of it will be horrible so this is a warning.” Patton says looking scared.

“It’s fine. Tell me if you want to but just know that you have to.” I say to make sure that not matter how curious I am I don’t have to know.

“I know. But I think that you have to know at this point. If we don’t tell you someone else will and I would prefer you to hear it from us than someone else, you know what I mean.” Logan says giving his husband a moment to compose himself.

“Ok. I may ask questions. Only tell me what you feel comfortable with. Tell me if you don’t want me to ask questions and tell me to shut up if you want me to.” I say.

“We need to just get started before I chicken out.” Patton whispers.

He then hands me a photo. Of me as a baby, Patton and Logan. 

“There’s something we never told you.” Logan says taking a deep breath. “The baby isn’t you.”

“What?” I say looking up to him.

“That isn’t you.” Logan says. “Our second son Blake was born a year and a half after you were kidnapped, and you know that you have been back for around a year, so he was born just over 10 years ago. We were terrified when we found out about Patton’s pregnancy.” 

_//FLASHBACK 10 YEARS AGO//_

_I am staring at the pregnancy test in my hand in horror. I did five others too and this is horrible. I can’t be pregnant again. I can’t be having another child. I can’t do go through that again. I lost Virgil a year ago I can’t do that again. The dark sides will take this new child too. I can’t lose another child._

_God I’m going to have to tell Logan. I know him. Even though he doesn’t like to admit it he is fragile and even more so after our child went missing and I have no idea how he will handle this. Christ this is terrible._

_Deciding that I can’t hide this for too long I begin to slowly walk to my boyfriends’ room with one of the pregnancy tests in my pocket. Jeeze I’m so nervous. I know he won’t flip at me. He won’t do anything to me. But he is so sensitive, and he won’t be happy about this. He’ll be terrified._

_When I knock on the door, I hear him saying one minute before the door opens and he looks to me in confusion._

_“Patton what is wrong. You seem to have been crying.” Logan says concerned leading me to the bed and sitting me down._

_Not trusting my voice, I just hand him the pregnancy test. He looks at it and then back to me in shock._

_“You’re…” He says unable to finish the sentence. When nod he begins to cry. “We do you want to do?”_

_“I can’t lose another child Logan. I don’t think that you can either. We just need to be more careful about this.” I say._

_“Yeah. We can’t fail this child like we failed Virgil. We have to do this right.” Logan says pulling me into his arms._

_//END OF FLASHBACK//_

“That was how you knew about having a second child. It wasn’t because Emile thought you were going to have a second son it was because you did have another child.” I say as the pieces click together.

“Correct.” Logan says

“The pregnancy went off without a hitch.” Patton says. “We were always scared about the dark sides coming for our second baby, but we did everything we could to keep positive.” 

“Did the dark sides do something to the child?” I say clinging onto every word.

“No. For some reason we don’t know but are thankful for the dark sides left Blake alone. We weren’t complaining though.” Logan says.

“Ok. I’ll shut up now. What else do I need to know?” I say.

“Me and Blake got on really well. From when he was a child to when he became an adult. I never had an issue with him at all. Even when his role showed.” Roman says.

_//FLASHBACK 4 YEARS AGO//_

_It really warms my heart that Blake and Roman get on so well._

_“It really is great that Ro and Blake get on so well isn’t it.” I say to Logan._

_“Agreed. It is really nice.” My boyfriend says._

_“I love my child and I really care about Roman in a platonic sense of course.” I say._

_“Agreed.”_

_“How long until you think those two are going to get together.” I say with a sunny smile._

_“Maybe a little while. Blake only recently woke up as an adult. I think that even though they are hitting it off I think it will take at least a year. He was just a child not to long ago. Take that into account. Though I do hope it’ll happen sooner rather than later.” Logan says with a small smile._

_//END OF FLASHBACK//_

Ok. This puts things into perspective.

“So, Blake and Roman were pining over each other. Nice to know.” I say with my signature smirk.

“No.” Roman says glaring at Patton and Logan.

“I don’t care I’m just teasing.” I say.

“Nothing happened. We just saw they were close, and it was wishful thinking.” Patton says.

“Ok. I’m just messing. I probably shouldn’t be joking around at this time.” I say.

“Right Virgil. You need to remember appropriate timings.” Remy says with a small smile on his face.

“Ok. Carry on.” I say.

“We knew that Blake was always going to the dark portion of the mindscape because he could and for some reason, he liked it, but we didn’t mind because we just wanted to make him happy.” Patton says.

_//FLASHBACK 3 YEARS AGO//_

_Blake just got back from the dark portion of the mindscape and he seems normal._

_“Do you think that we should tell Blake about his brother? We can’t stop him going down, but he can maybe see him. Maybe he can bring Virgil back to us.” I ask Logan._

_“No, I don’t think so. What if there isn’t a Virgil isn’t down there? What if he can’t bring him back. I don’t want to torment him with the hope of having a brother if he doesn’t have one. He is already struggling with everything.” Logan says._

_“True. That’s why I wanted to ask you about this.” I say._

_“Hey dad, pa. How are you two?” Asks Blake._

_“I’m fine.” Me and Logan say at the same time._

_Blake laughs at that so hard he begins to cry._

_Me and Logan begin to laugh too. Our child doesn’t laugh too much but when he does it is a beautiful and contagious sound._

_“That was amazing.” Blake says wiping away a tear. “I wanted to ask you two something.”_

_“Ask us anything. You know this kiddo.” I say._

_“I’m getting the feeling that you two are keeping something from me. Am I going crazy or I there something that you two aren’t telling me?” Blake asks nervous._

_Me and Logan look at each other nervous._

_“There is something that we haven’t told you. We wanted to wait for a little while until not only you were ready, but we were ready too. It’s big. Please give us time.” Logan says._

_“Ok.” Blake says looking down. “I get it.”_

_“Believe us son. We don’t want to keep this from you. We just don’t know if you are ready.” Logan says._

_“Hit me with it I can take it.” Blake says._

_“Are you sure?” I say scared._

_“Yeah.”_

_“Ok fine just be careful it’s big news.” Logan says._

_“Please. If something happened, I want to know.” Blake says looking at both his parents._

_“You are not our only child.” Logan says and Blake looks at him in shock._

_“What. Is Roman the other child?” Blake asks._

_“No.” I say upset. “He was born before you. We had him for about a week before he was gone. There is no alternative explanation other than he was kidnapped. We’re not going to say his name yet just in case he isn’t in there. Please forgive us for that.”_

_“The fuck. It’s fine I get that. Sorry I pushed.” Blake says looking horrified._

_“It’s fine. I completely get it.” Logan says and I nod to that._

_“Ok. I’ll do whatever I can, but I also can’t promise anything.” Blake says._

_“You don’t have to do anything baby it’s completely fine. Sorry for not telling you sooner.” I say beginning to cry._

_“No, it’s fine. It’s going to be alright.” Blake says pulling his parents into a hug._

_They are lucky to have such a supportive son._

_//END OF FLASHBACK//_

“So, you told him.” I say beginning to stoke my stomach because for some reason it calms me down.

“Yeah. We didn’t say your name and I’m not going to lie I regret it.” Logan says. “We’re not sure if he figured out who his brother was but we were never told about anything about you from him and he would have told us.”

“Hang on. If Blake kept coming down to the dark portion of the mindscape, how come I don’t remember anyone down there other than Remy, Deceit and Mal down there.” I ask beginning to panic that I have forgotten a side. “Where is Blake now?”

Tears begin to fall down Patton’s face. “This is what Deceit was talking about.”

“It’s ok Patton.” Roman says as Logan pulls his husband into a hug.

“I know more details than you guys do. I was there. I’ll take it from here.” Remy says looking to the anxious side.

_//FLASHBACK 2 YEARS AGO REMY POV//_

_It is a horrible situation._

_Thomas’s depression is getting worse._

_And Blake represents depression._

_Patton was pushing really hard to get Thomas to focus on himself, take anti-depressants and improve his mental health._

_I think he knew this would be the result._

_Blake is now lying weak in a bed, pale and he is unable to move._

_Me, Mal, Deceit and Virgil are with him. Virgil is crying._

_“How can this be happening?” He says in tears. I put my arm around his shoulder to try and benefit the man who might as well be my child._

_“This is just what happens sometimes. A side sometimes is not needed anymore, and they fade.” Blake says in a weak voice._

_“The moral side did this. He must have known this would cause you to fade. I’ll get him for this.” Mal says more furious than I have ever heard him be._

_And that is impressive._

_“Please don’t. I don’t care if any of this is his fault please just leave him be at least for now.” Blake says taking Virgil’s hand._

_“Ok. We’ll leave him be. I’ll make sure that Mal leaves him alone. At least for now.” Deceit says._

_“Thank you.” Blake says._

_”The moral side knew. He knew this would hurt you and told you it would all be fine. That you would be ok. That you wouldn’t fade.” Mal says pissed._

_”Thomas is going to be alright though. We all pushed for him to get better. It was the right thing to do and I don’t think any of us are going to be angry that he I recovering but he lied.” I say carefully._

_”Yeah. I just can’t believe this is happening.” Virgil says in between sobs._

_”Yes he told me everything would be ok. I knew that he would get better. I don’t think I had a year even without his intervention I would be gone before the end of the year.” Blake says with tears beginning to roll down his face._

_”I know. I just wish that he would have told the truth and been honest.” Deceit says._

_“You guys do know how much I care about you right.”_

_We all nod._

_“I think the light sides know how much I care about them too. I’m thinking aloud.” Blake says._

_“It’s ok. Do whatever you want.” I say._

_“Thank you.” Blake says. “I love all of you. You know that right.”_

_“Yeah we do.” Virgil says with tears pouring out his eyes._

_“Don’t cry Virgil.” Blake says. “You know this isn’t the end of me. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”_

_“I know.” The anxious side says quietly._

_Virgil and Blake are really close. It is almost like the relationship that close siblings share. They were surprisingly close, and they would talk about anything and everything. I do believe that the main reason he came to this portion of the mindscape was to see Virgil._

_“Everything will be ok in the end Virgil. Even if it does not seem like it right now it always is in the end. I may be depression, but I learned it over time.” Blake says._

_“Ok. I believe you.” Virgil says._

_I’m not convinced that he believes that._

_“I knew you would my friend.” Blake says._

_Those were his last words before he closed his eyes and stopped breathing._

_Virgil begins to cry even harder._

_“Wait look.” Mal says looking at the body._

_There is a bright light coming from Blake’s chest._

_“Shit.” Deceit says scared._

_“What is that?” I ask beginning to get frantic. Today has been too much of an emotional roller-coaster._

_The bright light came that was from Blakes chest then went to then before going to Virgil’s chest and he falls to the ground unconscious._

_“VIRIGIL” I say running to his side. “What’s happening?”_

_I begin to panic._

_“Remy you have to listen to me.” Deceit getting down to my level._

_He has been so emotional all day and he hasn’t been lying because that is what happens when he gets emotional._

_“I’m going to pick him up and take him to his room. I’ll explain there.” Deceit says picking up the anxious side._

_All three of us move quickly to Virgil’s room and Deceit places him on the bed._

_“Mal please go and get a hand cloth and make sure it is damp with cold water and bring it back here.” Deceit says checking Virgil’s temperature._

_He then waves his hand and restraints appear around Virgil’s wrist and ankles._

_“Why are you doing that?” I ask still panicking._

_“Blake was depression. Thomas is still a tiny bit depressed but not enough to be an actual side so Blake faded. But the trait depression went to the side that is best to handle it.” Deceit says beginning to check over the younger trait._

_“That makes sense.” I say._

_“You need to keep an eye on him. His trait is changing, and he will be in a world of pain. I mean screaming in agony. He should survive it though.” Deceit says._

_“That isn’t the best, but he should be ok.” I say but Deceit still looks nervous. “What?”_

_“We have another problem. He will grow severely depressed overnight. He’ll be extremely likely to duck out.” Deceit says._

_“He might kill himself.” I say growing frantic. “Can’t we do something.”_

_“You won’t like it.” The lying side says._

_“Try me.”_

_“I’m going to have to wipe his memories of Blake. He has to think that he was always Depression. I can pick and choose. I could just replace some of the memories for the past couple of years with you.” Deceit says._

_“What about if he finds out? He’ll be pissed. What do we tell him about this?” I ask._

_“We’ll just say he got sick. We have to pretend. There is nothing we can do if he finds out.” Deceit says._

_This is when Mal brings in the towel and Deceit places it on his head._

_“I’ll do whatever I can to control the pain. I’ll wipe his memory now.” Deceit says beginning the preparations to wipe the young sides memory._

_“Just remember guys. The moral side will fucking pay for this.” Mal says pissed._

_//END OF FLASHBACK//_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder who expected that to be the answer. If I left anything unclear than please ask me I'll be happy to answer them and then clarify.
> 
> Thank you to _Dani_the_Alpaca_ for the name suggestion Blake which is Patton and Logan's passed child.


	54. Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil reacts to the news that he was just given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 500 HUNDRED KUDO'S AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I never expected this and it is amazing. Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback it got. Thank you so much.

I’m in shock.

If there was anything, I was expecting walking into the conversation that was not it.

“So, he wasn’t alone.” Logan says with tears pouring down his face.

“We all were there. Even Deceit and Mal loved him. He may have been depression, but he just made the place feel more unified with him there. All four of us were devastated when Blake faded. We had to hide it from Virgil though and that was easier said than done.” Remy says taking off his sunglasses to wipe tears from his face.

“I didn’t always represent depression.” I say still in shock.

“No. You used to just be anxiety. The fact that depression used to be his own side is the reason that they would get even worse after a depressive episode. It reminded them of Blake.” Remy says.

“Wait a minute, the illness I got a couple years ago was my trait changing.” I say.

Remy nods.

“What the fuck.” I say holding my head in my hands.

Roman walks over to me and wraps his arms around me.

“How much of my memory was changed?” I say.

“Quite a bit.” Remy says. “I feel so guilty. I knew there was a day that I would tell you. A lot of memories from about a year after you became an adult were altered but there are a couple that were actually me. I hated lying to you for so long. I knew I had no choice until you could stand to hear it.” 

“Rem it’s ok. I know.” I say pulling Remy into a hug.

“Thank you.” Remy says accepting the hug.

Everything stays silent until me and Remy pull apart and I decide to ask something.

“Did you know that Blake would fade?” I ask Patton.

“I knew that it was a very high chance that he would fade. But in my head, I was like it wouldn’t happen to my son. But it did. I failed him.” Patton says crying harder.

So, he knew. Thomas grew too depressed and he knowingly hurt his second son. If he gets too anxious or depressed again could he do it to me too. **Nonono** I can’t think like that. I catastrophise everything and I can’t be doing that right now. I know he wouldn’t do that to me. Would he? 

“Let’s not think about that right now.” I say looking down.

Patton flinches.

“Remy, why didn’t you tell the whole truth?” Roman asks.

Logan glares at Roman.

“I don’t know much about it. I don’t want to get things wrong and make people offended. I’d rather just not say anything than mess up facts.” Remy says looking down to his fingers.

“Ok that’s understandable. Patton, Logan why didn’t you say anything?” Roman asks.

“We didn’t want to. Is that ok?” Logan says hugging Patton.

“No. You wanted to get everything out in the open and this is what you need to do.” Roman says crossing his arms.

“What are you all on about?” I say confused.

“In what we just told you it wasn’t the whole truth. The dark sides were not saying something in Blake’s last moments we were not telling the whole truth. They were not saying something because we didn’t want to upset him.” Remy says.

“What?” I say.

“We didn’t say what Patton really did.” Roman says.

“What happened?” I say leaning forward.

“When Blake presented as depression Patton was placed in charge of teaching him how to control his power. Patton refused to let Thomas or himself feel bad to teach Blake how to control his new powers. If Blake could control them then he could just not hurt Thomas while taking care of himself. The only thing that Patton ever said was suppress. Like I said it may seem like the right thing to do. But Blake was not the kind of person to hurt Thomas to make himself better. But he was never taught how just to suppress. Whenever he went to Logan and Patton with his depression he was told to suppress. When I realised what was happening, I tried to teach him what Patton was supposed to. But he always came in and yelled at both of us and said that I was corrupting his son’s mind. Blake then suppressed it for so long he was unable to suppress it anymore. He lost control in the dark portion of the mindscape and then passed part of his role to you Virgil. That was when he started to get sick. As he grew weaker you grew stronger. He realised what happened after he started to get sick. He felt betrayed and went to the dark side of the mindscape to clear his head, but he faded there.” Roman says with tears rolling down his face.

“Patton, Logan is that true?” I ask.

“Yes. I we thought it was the right thing to do. It was the opposite.” Logan says.

“I did everything I could to tell you that forcing him to suppress wouldn’t end well. You guys ignored me when I tried to warn you. You didn’t even let him come to you about his mental health. When he did you told him to suppress it destroyed his mental health and he lost control. He couldn’t come to you after he began to get sick.” Roman says getting angry.

“Remy. You said something about this ‘Mal’ person.” Logan says changing the subject earning a glare from Roman.

Remy nods.

“What is the chance he is going to come after Patton?” Logan asks and everyone goes to Remy.

“I’m amazed he hasn’t done it already.” Remy answers back upset.

“Shit.” Roman says.

“This is probably when I should mention that I have been feeling something.” I say.

“What?” Roman says walking over to me, kneeling in front of me and gently putting his palm against my cheek and rubbing his thumb slowly against my cheek. “For how long.” 

“A couple days or so. It’s weak. It has gotten weaker during my time at the doctors office so part of it was that Deceit just…” I drift off unable to say it. “But this is not part of it. It’s not gone though. So, something small is going to happen small or something big is going to happen in the next couple of months.”

They all look shocked.

“And you were going to tell us when?” Logan says crossing his arms. 

“Lo.” Patton says looking at his husband.

“No. He kept this important information from us.” 

“When it is small it could be that Patton dropped a plate of cookies or someone stubs their toe. It is not always big. I wanted to wait to see if it got bigger before I worried everyone.” I say defensively and Roman moves out from in front of me and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

“So why tell us now?” Logan says.

Why is he going off on me?

“Because I felt with this new information it would be good to know that something may happen in a couple months or so. Why are you getting on my ass about this?” I say.

“Because you kept this from us. You remember what happened last time.” Logan says.

“You really think I don’t remember. You have no idea what the hell I went through when I was killed. You also have no right to decide what I need to know. You have no right to lecture me on lies of omission when you have been doing that to me the whole time.” I say.

“What are you insinuating?” Logan asks raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing. I just don’t want you going off for keeping something for a couple days when you have been keeping things from me for a year.” I say. “No before you say I am going off on Patton which I know you are going to say. I’m angry that you are being hypocritical.” 

“Why are you acting like this?” Logan say moving towards me.

I curl in on myself. Roman, Remy and Patton pick up on this.

“Logan stop it.” Roman says.

“Why?” Logan says.

“Look at him.” Remy says pointing to me. “He did that whenever Deceit or Mal went to go and beat the shit out of him. The calm talking scolding for no reason is exactly what Deceit would do. You are making his progress go back to before. Well fucking done.” 

I flinch when Remy shouts.

“Shh, shh it’s ok my raven. It’s ok.” Roman says hugging me and kissing my forehead.

I begin to shake and curl further into myself expecting a hit. I can’t go further into my hoodie cocoon due to the bump which in my thoughts I forget is there.

“You have to go kiddo. You need to calm down and I think you need to be on your own for that.” Patton says looking at me.

I don’t need to be told twice. With tears rolling down my face I sprint out the room and to my own bedroom. When I begin to hear shouting from the common room, I collapse onto the bed sobbing. I can’t stop. It’s been so long from when I last felt like this.

I feel someone appear in my room, but I ignore it knowing it is one of the other four coming to comfort me.

But they are still shouting at each other.

With my face still scrunched into the pillow I feel a gloved hand placed gently on my shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give an explanation because I don't think one part of this chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> When Blake presented as Depression Patton told him to supress his feelings. It is the equivolent of when you have depression and you don't tell anyone and don't get help. It gets worse. Patton and Logan both knew it would be worse for Blake and Thomas in the long run but they did it anyway. Roman tried to help Blake but Patton and Logan would shout at him saying they were corrupting him and hurting him and knowing they were doing the harm and not Roman because in a way they were projecting it onto Roman. Blake then had a meltdown in the dark side of the mindscape with Virgil in the room and gave part of his role to his brother unwillingly and unknowingly which is when Blake began to get sick.
> 
>  
> 
> If anyone has any questions or concerns please let me know


	55. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets comforted by the last person he expected and it ends in a way that was not expected either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you all enjoy this chapter and it goes the way you wanted it to.

I barely notice the glove on the hand on my shoulder. But I do to a degree. Especially when he pulls me into his arms and pushes my head into his shoulder.

“I’m _not_ sorry little one. _do_ cry.” Deceit says rubbing his hand down my back.

I sob into his shoulder. I have no idea why this is comforting to me. It is nice to have the comfort without him trying to fix all my problems. I just wish he wasn’t such a dick.

“It’s _not_ going to be alright in the end. _don’t_ trust me.” Deceit says in a comforting tone.

I cry for a little while more while listening to the others shouting downstairs. It breaks my heart to hear them scream at each-other over something I did.

“You _don’t_ have a right to keep what ever you want from them because you _aren’t_ your own person.” Deceit says in my ear softly. “It is also _not_ extremely hypocritical that you kept something from them when it could be really small when they hid another child.” 

“Why are they mad? I thought it would be better to get it off my chest.” I say.

“It _wasn’t_.” Deceit says. “Logan likes to pretend that he _doesn’t_ know everything but sometimes he has _more_ common sense than everyone else. Especially you.”

“Why are you being so nice to me? You’ve never been like this with me.” I say after I have calmed down more.

“Did you not get the memo? When I _didn’t_ kiss you I _wasn’t_ showing you how much I care. I love you.” Deceit says pressing his hand into mine.

“Why did you do so many horrible things to me?” I ask.

“Tough love.” Deceit says. “We had to do what was best for you. You needed to learn what was right and wrong.”

“That is fucked up logic.” I say.

“It is the correct logic.” Deceit says. “We did right by you. If you had stayed with them, you would have ended up like Blake. You know that right.”

It makes sense. They forced Blake to ignore his feelings and he lost control. I’m anxiety. Would they do that to me. Would they force me to supress until I lost control? Who am I kidding of course they would. What separates me from Blake?

“Do you see it now? Maybe I could get you away from that. I can take you home.” Deceit says pressing his forehead to mine.

“No, I can’t. I’m staying here.” I say trying to push away.

“You can. You can leave your parents, Remy and Roman behind and we can be together. We can raise the baby together and leave this mess behind.” Deceit says trying to get closer to me. “I can keep Mal away from the two of you.” 

“No. I love Roman I’m staying here. I know it is the best thing not just for me but my baby.” I say.

“Come on Virgil. You don’t love him. You think you love him. You don’t understand real love. He doesn’t love you the way I do.” Deceit says trying to hold on to me and sink down with me.

Both of us stop and look to the door when it opens.

“Deceit you have 5 seconds to get off my boyfriend and leave before I cut your fucking head off with my sword.” Roman says clutching his sword pointing it at Deceit.

“I was just leaving anyway. Come on Virgil.” Deceit says still clinging to my arm. I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to.

“I was listening. He doesn’t want to leave. He want’s to be here. Leave him alone.” Roman says.

“You heard that.” I say concerned.

Deceit looks angry. Angrier than I have ever seen.

“NO YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM FROM ME!” Deceit shouts.

“I was never yours’s to begin with.” I say cuddling into Roman’s side.

“You will be mine. I can promise you that. You can never get away from me. I don’t know when but I will make you mine. You are not allowed to be with anyone other than me.” Deceit says in a quiet tone.

He isn’t shouting. That is terrifying. I would prefer if he was shouting because he would get his rage out. He is pissed and he will fester in it and stew and use it to plan and scheme. I need to keep my eyes open.

Deceit then turns around and walks out the room. 

I turn and sob into Roman’s shoulder. He walks me over to his bed and cuddles closer to me rubbing circles into my shoulder while muttering reassuring words into my ear. This is so nice. I love this man so much. 

When the tears finally stop I pull back from Roman’s shoulder and we look into each others eyes.

“Are you alright? It has been a day and a half.” Roman says.

“I’m good now. How do you feel about all of this?” I ask.

“I’ve been better but I’m glad that you decided to stay.” Roman says running his fingers through my hair.

“Do you think I would’ve left.” I say with a small smile.

“Honestly I did. Especially when he said he would keep Mal away from you and the baby. I thought you would leave me and go with him. I thought I would never see you again. I thought that I would never meet my son.” Roman says looking down.

“Never. I love you too much. Even if I didn’t it is cruel to not only you but the baby too.” I say rubbing my thumb gently over his cheek.

“Aren’t you upset or angry at me.” He asks looking defeated.

“Not gonna lie I’m pissed and of course upset but not at you at all.” I say and Roman looks down.

“I’m mad at Deceit, at Patton and at Logan. You came to help me.” I say.

“I’m not going to lie. Remy told me to come up and look out for you. I was planning to stay and keep shouting at Logan.” Roman says beginning to play wring his fingers together.

“Well I’m not happy there was a shouting match but I’m happy that you all were willing to stand up for me like that. It’s really not something I’m used to.” I say.

“Well you need to get used to it. I would do that for you any day of the week. And sorry for …” 

“Stop right there. Enough apologising. You have nothing to be sorry for. I just hope that soon you understand that.” I say pressing my forehead to his.

“I don’t know. Maybe I will.” Roman says. “What am I doing? This is about you and I’m making it about me.” 

“It’s fine. It’s nice to worry about someone else instead of everyone worrying about me for a change.” I reassure.

“Ok. We can talk about everything later then.” Roman says.

“Yeah. I don’t want to do anything now than just stay here in your arms.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deceit is a little crazy. Trust me when I say this is not the end of this situation. It is only the beginning.


	56. Crying and Kicking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil are cuddling together when they feel something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy pride month everyone.

I stay cuddled up to Roman’s side for I don’t know how long. But I don’t care at all. I love him so much and I love being in his arms. We just stay together in each-other’s arms.

This is when I feel something strange in my stomach. I feel a little kick in my abdominal area. Roman seems to feel it too because we both look up to each other and then down to my stomach. My boyfriend’s hands go to my abdomen.

“He kicked.” I say with tears in my eyes.

“This is beautiful. This is our baby. Our son.” Roman says with identical tears in his eyes.

We kiss with tears rolling down our faces and his hands on my stomach just feeling for more kicking. I am lost in his lips and the love and comfort that I feel every time that I am with my boyfriend. I love this man so much and I love my son so much.

We stop kissing and just cuddle up together while placing our hands on my stomach. Sending our love to our child.

We then hear a knock on my bedroom door. It seems like a hesitant knock.

“Who is it?” I say loudly to the door. Knowing who I hope it is.

“Remy.” The voice answers.

“Come in.” I say.

Remy opens the door an walks into the room.

“Hey girls. I just wanted to make sure that you both are alright after what happened.” 

“I’m fine. Ro is too. Sorry we are both weepy. The baby just kicked for the first time, so we had a moment.” I say back wiping away tears.

“Really. That’s amazing. I’m sorry I’m interrupting.” Remy says looking down.

“No, it’s completely fine. You’ve done nothing wrong. What do you want?” Roman asks.

“I just wanted to make sure that you are ok. Especially you Virgil. Logan was being an ass and even Patton was shouting, and he never does that. I think the spouses are together now though." Remy says rubbing the back of his neck.

“Of course, they are.” I say dejectedly.

“They love each other Virgil.” Roman says.

“I know but the way that Logan acted is horrible. I think that Patton is calming him down and comforting him. Logan may be comforting Patton too.” Remy says.

“Sorry I didn’t say anything.” I say.

“You did nothing wrong. You once had a little one and it was because I burned myself on the stove. It could be something similar. You have a right to keep what you want to a secret and to tell people what you want.” Remy says.

“Nothing is wrong with wanting to keep things to yourself. Logan has no right to preach about this. At least Patton was going off on him too.” Roman says rubbing my stomach. 

“I know. But it’s hurtful. What happened with Blake, the fact that I didn’t know about him and being shouted at over something small it’s too much.” I say cuddling further into Roman.

“Virgil if you cuddle in further you will fuse with me.” Roman says with a giggle.

Me and Remy laugh at that.

“Let’s talk about what that fusion would look like then.” Remy says quickly.

“Let’s do it.” Roman says.

“Stop trying to change the subject. I know that is exactly what you are doing.” I say.

“We’re trying here.” Roman says looking down to me in his arms.

“I know. It’s appreciated but I don’t want to talk about what a fusion would look like right now.” I say.

“I think we need to have a long discussion with the two of them to figure out what to do next. I don’t think it is the best thing to do this second.” Remy says.

Me and Roman nod at this. I feel something.

“Remy come here. Give me your hand.” I say waving towards him.

He comes over and gives me his hand. I press it to my stomach. This is when the baby kicks right where Remy’s hand is. He looks up to me and looks right into my eyes.

“Wow.” Remy says. “It’s amazing. And strange. It feels really weird.” 

“How do you think I feel? Something is kicking from inside me stomach.” I say.

We all laugh.

We all know that there is going to have to be a conversation about this later but right now I don’t care because I feel better than I did 20 minutes ago, and I am with people I care about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say something. Ever since I began a schedule I have been uploading on a Saturday. I am planning from next week to upload on a Friday instead. I have decided that it gives me more days on the weekend to write the story and I mostly have plans on Saturdays so it is not ideal even though it was at the time. I hope you all understand and like the day earlier updates.


	57. Confrontation in the Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil, Roman and Remy are in Virgil's room chilling but Virgil gets hungry so he goes downstairs and he runs into someone he doesn't want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Today is the first day I am uploading on Friday I hope you like the change in subject.

Me and the others just stay in my room talking about so much yet nothing at all. It literally descended into all of us on our phones and then occasionally finding each other funny images. So, nothing new then. It is nice to know that even after we got upset, we can just go back to normal.

We are all just sitting together before I stand up. 

“I’m hungry so I’m going to go and get something to eat. Does anyone want anything?” I ask.

They both shake their head.

“Are you sure you want to go on your own right now. With what happened with Logan and Deceit.” Roman says.

“I’m perfectly capable Ro.” I say.

“What do you mean? What happened with Deceit?” Remy asks looking backwards and forwards between the two of us.

“Raven you go and get a snack and I’ll explain what happened.” Roman says.

I take this as my cue to leave. When I leave my room, I see that all the other doors are closed, and sound is coming from Patton’s room so if I had to guess then that is where I assume, they would be. I went down the stairs and went look around the common room and saw nobody there. I went to the kitchen and began to make myself food. Just as I am finished, and I walk to leave the room I hear someone behind me.

“Virgil.” Logan says coldly.

“Logan.” I answer back trying to be cold but failing.

“Why did you not feel the need to inform us about your gut feeling?” Logan says scowling at me.

“It was little. It has eased after today, but it is still there. Before I had a gut feeling of similar strength it was because Remy fell over ok. So please don’t be quick to judge without context.” I say back.

Logan winces at what I say.

“I didn’t realise that it was like that.” Logan says. “But you have to tell me when you feel this way.”

“Why? I don’t want to worry people over nothing. I’m not going do that to people.” I say beginning to cry.

“You can’t keep things that could be important from everyone either.” Logan says grabbing my wrist.

“Says you. You have kept so much from me. I had a brother and you never told me. I understand when you didn’t know who I was and after important life event. But when nothing was going why didn’t you tell me? Why choose to tell me after a severe anxiety attack while pregnant? Why now?” I ask beginning to get angry.

“We weren’t ready. You don’t have the right to tell us when to talk about that kind of thing.” Logan says.

“And you have no right to lecture me about not telling the whole truth.” I say about to flip.

“Why are you acting like this?” Logan says gripping tighter.

“Because you’re being ridiculous. I understand not wanting to tell me about this until you are ready. I really do. But you have to understand that you are overreacting over something that could be tiny. It has shrunk after what happened with you and something else. Don’t you understand what is happening.” I spit out.

“Then why say anything?” Logan asks getting closer to my face.

“Because it started to get bigger and I wanted to let people know in case it was something bigger than what I originally thought. And after everything that was said I felt that it was good to know that something could happen. And Emile warned me that I should say if I think that a small gut feeling has a chance of being something big to get as much help as possible. Or have you forgotten that stress is not good during pregnancy.” I say trying to ignore the pain in my wrist as Logan white knuckles his grip on my hand.

Seeming to realise what he was doing he lets go of my wrist. I pull up and sleeve and look at my wrist. I’m going to get a bruise.

Logan looks guilty when he looks down to my wrist.

“Please don’t do it again.” Logan says. “I don’t want to have to talk to you like this again.” 

“I know. I know you don’t give a shit about me unless I’m causing an inconvenience. Just leave me alone for a bit.” I say.

I take my food and run up to my room leaving Logan shocked in the room.

Roman and Remy both look concerned and look to my wrist. I know they are concerned but I am doing everything I can do to try and stop my anxiety attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Logan seems like a OC but bare with me.


End file.
